At what age for kid to advocate for themselves.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, we are parents who generally don’t try to lobby or advocate for our kids when it comes to their soccer development. We don't watch practices, and watch games silently save for some claps and cheering when there is a goals. If the kids ask us to intervene, and if they have a point, we consider it (has not happened yet tho).

Starting at 13, we told our DC that it was on them to communicate with their coach and advocate for more playing time or ask to play up, or for other opportunities, etc.

But I wonder if that is too old? We have a younger child and should they be advocating for themselves even earlier?

[Anonymous]

It depends on the coach and the kid - and how they communicate. But in general, the earlier they can do this the better. I'd certainly try to get the younger kids on board with this as early as possible. But there are also kids who are really intimidated by their coach or coaches who disappear after games and practices, leaving phone calls/texts/emails as the best way to communicate. In that case, communication is tough until you have a phone!

[Anonymous]

For my kids, until 8 or 9 they only played in rec leagues where playing time was even. If I had noticed that it was dramatically uneven I might have said something but it didn’t come up.

After that, when they moved to more selective teams, if my kid had come to us with complaints about playing time, or wanting to try a different position, DH or I might have shared with kid what we saw that might make a difference (e.g. we notice that coach is picking kids to start who are actively warming up and not fooling around on the side lines), ot we might have practiced a script and have our kid approach the coach, maybe hanging out nearby so we could hear what the coach said and help kid follow through. But actually talking to a coach about playing time? No.

I will add that I have advocated to a coach for other things for my kid, like an exception to the no parents at practice rule for a kid with an epipen due to bee allergy, but not for playing time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the coach and the kid - and how they communicate. But in general, the earlier they can do this the better. I'd certainly try to get the younger kids on board with this as early as possible. But there are also kids who are really intimidated by their coach or coaches who disappear after games and practices, leaving phone calls/texts/emails as the best way to communicate. In that case, communication is tough until you have a phone!

At the game is never the time to do it, so I am not sure why the coach leaving is relevant. These conversations should happen at practice, or the kid can email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the coach and the kid - and how they communicate. But in general, the earlier they can do this the better. I'd certainly try to get the younger kids on board with this as early as possible. But there are also kids who are really intimidated by their coach or coaches who disappear after games and practices, leaving phone calls/texts/emails as the best way to communicate. In that case, communication is tough until you have a phone!

At the game is never the time to do it, so I am not sure why the coach leaving is relevant. These conversations should happen at practice, or the kid can email.

There's nothing wrong with talking to your coach whenever it makes sense- and for many coaches that will be at the game. There's no rule book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the coach and the kid - and how they communicate. But in general, the earlier they can do this the better. I'd certainly try to get the younger kids on board with this as early as possible. But there are also kids who are really intimidated by their coach or coaches who disappear after games and practices, leaving phone calls/texts/emails as the best way to communicate. In that case, communication is tough until you have a phone!

At the game is never the time to do it, so I am not sure why the coach leaving is relevant. These conversations should happen at practice, or the kid can email.

There's nothing wrong with talking to your coach whenever it makes sense- and for many coaches that will be at the game. There's no rule book.

Lot of clubs have 24 hour rules after games.

[Anonymous]

We’ve told our kids from the beginning that it was on them (and never encountered any extraordinary situation that would cause us to intervene on their behalf).

[Anonymous]

Ive always told my children to let their play be their best advocate. If you play well enough they won't want to pull you off the field.

[Anonymous]

You should reach your child to advocate.

"Silently trust the coach" is terrible advice for rec . That means whoever else asks will get Larla's time because Larla doesn't care.

[Anonymous]

You should coach him starting in 7th grade.

He should try but will often fail then you step in.

You can be there to guide him.

By junior year of HS he should be 100% advocating for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For my kids, until 8 or 9 they only played in rec leagues where playing time was even. If I had noticed that it was dramatically uneven I might have said something but it didn’t come up.

After that, when they moved to more selective teams, if my kid had come to us with complaints about playing time, or wanting to try a different position, DH or I might have shared with kid what we saw that might make a difference (e.g. we notice that coach is picking kids to start who are actively warming up and not fooling around on the side lines), ot we might have practiced a script and have our kid approach the coach, maybe hanging out nearby so we could hear what the coach said and help kid follow through. But actually talking to a coach about playing time? No.

I will add that I have advocated to a coach for other things for my kid, like an exception to the no parents at practice rule for a kid with an epipen due to bee allergy, but not for playing time.

yikes, this screams child abuse to me.

[Anonymous]

When my kid was in 8th grade he started communicating directly with his Coach through TeamSnap and email. He would let him know if he had to miss practice, had a health issue etc…
Parents did watch practices- many would sit and watch the entire practice. Families were traveling from different directions during rush hour, so few kids could carpool, and if you dropped your kid off you were right back in traffic. Plus parents enjoyed watching and chatting.