Help! Falling for someone with serious problems.

[Anonymous]

I broke up with him twice and yet still miss him months later. He’s got multiple strengths but also several serious personality drawbacks. Made a rational decision but still miss him viscerally and emotionally.

[Anonymous]

When does he get out on parole?

[Anonymous]

Snap out of it. Move on quickly. Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with him twice and yet still miss him months later. He’s got multiple strengths but also several serious personality drawbacks. Made a rational decision but still miss him viscerally and emotionally.

Imagine having children with him. That will be your answer.

[Anonymous]

You would deeply regret it one day. This is the honeymoon period, as good as it gets.

Did you grow up with a personality disordered parent? There’s likely something historic going on here, from your childhood. Devote your time to figuring out WHY you are attracted to this person - the focus needs to be on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Also - consider him a drug you are addicted to - like crack cocaine; you would miss it in the same way, despite its destructiveness. Treat it as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When does he get out on parole?

Funny. Not those kinds of problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with him twice and yet still miss him months later. He’s got multiple strengths but also several serious personality drawbacks. Made a rational decision but still miss him viscerally and emotionally.

Imagine having children with him. That will be your answer.

We are both divorced and would not be having kids together. Each have our own already. Out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also - consider him a drug you are addicted to - like crack cocaine; you would miss it in the same way, despite its destructiveness. Treat it as such.

True.

I’ve know a recovered addict or two and when you hear them talk about the substance (in one case, heroin) they miss it like it was love.

[Anonymous]

Btdt. Keep walking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with him twice and yet still miss him months later. He’s got multiple strengths but also several serious personality drawbacks. Made a rational decision but still miss him viscerally and emotionally.

Imagine having children with him. That will be your answer.

We are both divorced and would not be having kids together. Each have our own already. Out of the house.

Doesn’t matter. Walk away.

[Anonymous]

When you broke up with him, was it because being in a relationship was so bad all you could think about was how much better it would be to have a peaceful life without all of that drama? Well, here you are, free of him and that drama. So ask yourself - is it him that you miss or the drama? Sure he has good qualities, but so do many other people.

Be honest with yourself. Is what sets him apart from other people the amount of excitement and soul-rendering drama he creates? If so, how does that drama affect you and others you care about? What positives does it bring and what negatives? Are the negatives fair or healthy for you (presumably not) and is it reasonable to put yourself through that again? What if you had a daughter and she wanted to engage with a guy like this - what advice would you give her? The answer to that last question should be your impetus to never want to think about this guy ever again.

[Anonymous]

Huh? There wasn’t drama. I don’t like drama. That’s not attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? There wasn’t drama. I don’t like drama. That’s not attractive.

Breaking up with someone twice is drama. You’re (approximately) forty freaking years old, not 19!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh? There wasn’t drama. I don’t like drama. That’s not attractive.

When I see an OP make a post like this (I broke it off due to his issues but I’m the one who can’t stop thinking about him), but then is in denial that the relationship had drama, it makes me realize the issue might not be the guy. Self-awareness, OP, is the key to getting past this breakup and on the path to not repeating these mistakes again.