Do you give advises to your adult kids if they come to you and ask?

[Anonymous]

Do you advise your adult children with things like finance and relationships if they come to ask you about it?

[Anonymous]

yes, of course. relationship one is tricky so we approach carefully. finance is more black and white

[Anonymous]

Of course. Our oldest daughter values our opinion when it comes to our oldest grandson and comes to us, so as a family, we can have a game plan in regards to therapy, tutoring etc. as he has adhd and learning disabilities.

As for other subjects, all 3 of our daughters will come and vent to us about relationships, work, and friends. If they ask for our opinions, we offer them, but if not, we just sympathize with them.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you? I can't believe this is a question.

[Anonymous]

2 young adult sons here. Neither has asked for relationship or friend advice ever. They are fully capable of handling their relationships on their own. Perhaps this is more of a girl thing? Financial advice is discussed, one just purchased a home and the other is looking to buy.

[Anonymous]

My adult daughters routinely seek my advice on financial issues and I am glad to provide it.

[Anonymous]

Sure! I always provide the context of the direct or indirect real world experiences I'm basing it on, because I think that context is helpful. Hopefully it helps the kid get a sense of how relevant my opinions are to the particular situation, and also helps me not come across as an obnoxious know-it-all!

[Anonymous]

Sure, we'll give advice if asked. But keep in mind an adult kid saying "I don't know what to do" is NOT them asking for advice - it's venting frustration.

Also, our advice is more along the lines of helping them figure out what to do, not us just saying "dump him/her".

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

If asked for then advice is given. However, instead of specific solutions, mostly ways to figure out their own solutions are offered with some personal anecdotes.

[Anonymous]

If your adult kids are smart enough to seek opinions and advice from someone with a lot more life experience then it would be rude not to help them out. Also, if they respect you enough to seek out your opinion rather than some other experienced person you should be proud of your parenting skills.

I have found that it is a smart rule for parents of adult children to never offer advice if not asked, as others have mentioned. If you follow that rule you will likely have a healthy relationship with your adult kids in which they might actually seek out your advice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I love when asks. I still proceed delicately though, and do a lot of listening and validating her thoughts and try to minimize the “ you should” stuff as I think that keeps the communication as open as possible.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t you? Odd question.

[Anonymous]

One problem I have sometimes noticed with one of my adult children is that they ask "What should I do?" about whatever the issue is, and then when I offer suggestions they shoot them all down and get mad. Turns out they really wanted someone to feel sympathy for them but not actually offer solutions.

So that might be a good reason to decline when asked for advice. Actually giving advice could hurt the relationship.

[Anonymous]

First question you as is, “What is your plan?”This is how you determine where they are coming from/what they are thinking about? Generally, I ask a lot of questions before I give advice.