Making friends at camp

[Anonymous]

DS, 9 hasn’t been diagnosed with ASD but we suspect he may be on the spectrum. He’s in a parks/rec camp with kids he doesn’t know and while they have a ton of fun activities he likes, there is also a lot of sports.

He’s got 4 more weeks of this camp and cried last night because he said he didn’t have any friends. We had a long chat about how friendships are built often by finding things you have in common. And I told him he could share some of his interests with the other kids and see if there is commonality.

Moving forward, we are going to find a camp that better suits his interests, but for now, how can we help him enjoy the last next few weeks and not feel isolated.

He’s a kind and sweet (almost a little naïve) and we’ve noticed that many boys his age are starting to be a little critical - all within what’s to be expected as they get older but my son is just not that way (and we love it) but because of that, he doesn’t connect with a lot of the other kids.

How can I help him enjoy the rest of camp!

[Anonymous]

Best of luck-- BTDT.

I don't know if you are tied into this camp for the rest of the session, but if not, or if there is an option, look for non-sports related sessions. We found success at our local YMCA which had swim/sport/and non-sport (with an hour or so at the pool) session. The latter set was theme-based (astronomy, lego robotics, etc.) and there were more like-minded kids (and less exclusion due to DS being non-sporty) in our experience. I would say that those he liked best at the camp were the college-age counselors! For next summer, if you are in MD, we ejnoyed some of the McLean school's offerings. https://www.summeredge.org/camps-programs/stem/ Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a long chat about how friendships are built often by finding things you have in common. And I told him he could share some of his interests with the other kids and see if there is commonality.

OP did your chat also dive into details about the activities, the other kids, who sits where at lunch, what some of the kids are talking about, has he identified any kids he'd like to spend more time with, how he would initiate conversations, etc? With kids on the spectrum you often need to get a little more granular than what you describe here, and your advice needs to be more specific.

[Anonymous]

Gosh, open YMCA all-summer camps are, and have always been, lord of the flies style. These are not places where happy memories are made - at least not for a big minority of kids.

Find camps that are more focused activity based, where you don't need to find a friend club. We tend to switch up camps every week, and have always only don't half day camps (DS wants the afternoons to decompress) - so when he was younger, that meant a babysitter who picked him up and hung out with him in the afternoon, and now that he's older, he just chills by himself.

Camps that have been good for him: Sailing, art (even though he's terrible at art), robotics, lego, STEM-center, chess, rowing, cooking, pottery, bounce house, etc etc. Anything where there's an organized activity, or organized small groups.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the counselors. I've started doing that for all camps.

[Anonymous]

My son is not in the spectrum, but has struggled socially. We’ve found that traditional day camps are not a good fit - as PP mentioned, they seem to skew lord of the flies. Smaller camps with lower counselor to camp ratios are better; also more structured camps with limited “free time” are easier. Art/theater camps often have very warm staff that facilitate connections. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Summer camps, and school after-care, were both always hard for my ASD kiddo. Sometimes even when he liked the activity. What helped:
- talking to camp admin (talking to indiv counselors was pretty useless, as they are often inexperienced teens or college students)
- sending my kid with something of his own interest that he can maybe do or share with a friend (ie, Nerf football, Pokémon cards, colored pencil set and two sketchbooks, etc)… kids will gravitate to special items/activities
- giving him a “script”… as another poster said, general advice may not help this type of kid, but a script that is short an memorizable can work. Like one sentence, that is some kind of invitation or ice breaker, such “do u want to look at Pokemon cards together?” Or “want to see how many catches we can get in a row?”

Good luck. It is so hard to be a kid with social challenges in a new and low-structure environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, open YMCA all-summer camps are, and have always been, lord of the flies style. These are not places where happy memories are made - at least not for a big minority of kids.

Find camps that are more focused activity based, where you don't need to find a friend club. We tend to switch up camps every week, and have always only don't half day camps (DS wants the afternoons to decompress) - so when he was younger, that meant a babysitter who picked him up and hung out with him in the afternoon, and now that he's older, he just chills by himself.

Camps that have been good for him: Sailing, art (even though he's terrible at art), robotics, lego, STEM-center, chess, rowing, cooking, pottery, bounce house, etc etc. Anything where there's an organized activity, or organized small groups.

Do you have any idea what an a-hat you sound like. Some people need the all-day camp, because they work and can't afford to pay for lots of expensive camps AND a sitter.

Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, open YMCA all-summer camps are, and have always been, lord of the flies style. These are not places where happy memories are made - at least not for a big minority of kids.

Find camps that are more focused activity based, where you don't need to find a friend club. We tend to switch up camps every week, and have always only don't half day camps (DS wants the afternoons to decompress) - so when he was younger, that meant a babysitter who picked him up and hung out with him in the afternoon, and now that he's older, he just chills by himself.

Camps that have been good for him: Sailing, art (even though he's terrible at art), robotics, lego, STEM-center, chess, rowing, cooking, pottery, bounce house, etc etc. Anything where there's an organized activity, or organized small groups.

Do you have any idea what an a-hat you sound like. Some people need the all-day camp, because they work and can't afford to pay for lots of expensive camps AND a sitter.

Good Lord.

Stop looking for a fight. I said to look for focused camps, and then said that “we” have done more half day camps with babysitter. Many focused camps have all day program as well. Like sailing camps in our region always offer all day camps, and so does the stem and Lego camps. DS has done many of those all day.

I didn’t suggest in anyway that the solution was half day camps. I just said that worked for us. Yeesh.

[Anonymous]

It’s important to talk to the camp director AND his counselors and tell them you’d appreciate them helping out by pairing your kid with a friendly kid. It works. Just tell them.

[Anonymous]

Would he also be open to looking for some of the girls to connect with? He sounds a lot like one of my daughter's friends, and he has never connected with the other boys in his grade but does reasonably well with the girls. Perhaps teach him to be on the lookout for other kids - boys or girls - who are alone and don't have an obvious social group, as they also may be looking for someone with whom they connect.

[Anonymous]

My child is doing well at camp (we selected one with enough structure it seems) but can’t seem to navigate friendships at the pool, like we show up and two friends are already playing, or when it’s hard to hear people because they are going under water. I wish so much DC could just have the show up at the pool and effortlessly socialize experience some kids seem to have.