Anyone else’s dh mailing it in bc they know you won’t leave the kids?

[Anonymous]

I feel like my dh is doing this. Not good, not terrible. No real effort bc he knows I would never split time. Anyone else in the same boat? Sucks bc I feel like where I do/ did still try it’s a contagious apathy

[Anonymous]

DH mailed it in. I told him it was over and he needed to move out. He continued to mail it in to the degree that he did not take any of the physical custody offered to him and took just enough visitation to appear like a good dad. Kids ended up living with me full time.

Sometimes lame turns out to be good.

[Anonymous]

Yes, he thought I would never leave because of our family. I let him know that I would choose to live a happy life rather than just survive a subpar one, and our DC would benefit from that example.

We now see a counselor when we reach a hard patch, she almost always sides with me, he happily obliges after my opinion is supported by an expert, and our life is better. However, I do now have my own savings account where I squirrel money away with his knowledge. He now knows I am not in this marriage unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he thought I would never leave because of our family. I let him know that I would choose to live a happy life rather than just survive a subpar one, and our DC would benefit from that example.

We now see a counselor when we reach a hard patch, she almost always sides with me, he happily obliges after my opinion is supported by an expert, and our life is better. However, I do now have my own savings account where I squirrel money away with his knowledge. He now knows I am not in this marriage unconditionally.

How is that any different than a regular joint banking account? If you split, half the contents of that bank account will be his anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like my dh is doing this. Not good, not terrible. No real effort bc he knows I would never split time. Anyone else in the same boat? Sucks bc I feel like where I do/ did still try it’s a contagious apathy

I would leave. I left and I still see my kids a lot. I moved out and moved into an apartment that's a 5 minute walk away. He's still there and we switch off with the kids 3x a week with me getting them at least part of the day every day besides Sunday (60 percent). No court needed, though I might go to court someday for child support if he stops pulling his weight with childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH mailed it in. I told him it was over and he needed to move out. He continued to mail it in to the degree that he did not take any of the physical custody offered to him and took just enough visitation to appear like a good dad. Kids ended up living with me full time.

Sometimes lame turns out to be good.

How is this good? How old are you now and did you find anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like my dh is doing this. Not good, not terrible. No real effort bc he knows I would never split time. Anyone else in the same boat? Sucks bc I feel like where I do/ did still try it’s a contagious apathy

Lol I guess you are a hard charger?

[Anonymous]

What???? There is missing content here. Your title makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

MAILED WHAT IN?

[Anonymous]

Lol we were separated and I said if we get divorced I’m not taking the kids. He quickly shaped up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MAILED WHAT IN?

I think it’s similar to the saying phoned it in. But I don’t really get the saying except that I know it means to basically stop trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol we were separated and I said if we get divorced I’m not taking the kids. He quickly shaped up

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MAILED WHAT IN?

Originally the term was "phoning it in." Seems like it originally was used by actors in the early the 20th century as a joke when the speaking part was so small it could be "phoned in." This evolved to meaning a lackluster stage performance. Then a catchall for any lackluster low effort performance.

Someone decided "mailing it in" was the equivalent and you'll hear this phrase used to describe professional athletes who are not putting in 100% effort.

With work from home taking off maybe we'll start "Zooming it in" as the next iteration of describing lackluster efforts lol!

[Anonymous]

Alright, I can’t abide by this mailing it in atrocity! It’s phoning it in, people!

[Anonymous]

What are some examples of a dh mailing it in, or phoning, if you prefer that idiom? I see PPs saying they drew a line, but where was a bridge too far?