AITA: when your kid gets hurt doing something dumb

[Anonymous]

We went camping with another family a couple weeks ago, and everything was a bit wet from recent rain. Starting out on our hike, I told my kids (8 and 6) that the rocks and tree roots were slippery, and not to run. Well the 8 year old ignores me, goes off running, and within 2 minutes of starting the hike, slips on a rock and falls, and hurts his ankle.

As soon as I saw it happen, my instinct was to be super annoyed instead of at all sympathetic. He ended up not being able to do the rest of the hike, so someone had to stay back with him. Luckily it wasn't so bad that we had to seek urgent care or anything.

Anyway, after the whole episode I felt like a jerk. I felt like I shouldn't have snapped at him and acted annoyed when he was hurting.

How would you have handled something similar?

[Anonymous]

The kid is 8.

8 yr olds run.

Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Probably similar with the same guilt about it. Its hard. I work on being sympathetic to the actual pain while frustrated by the action that caused the pain and inconvenience. I don't yell but am visibly annoyed. If i have patience that day, im very matter of fact about it. "Yup, your foot hurts now. I see what happened, its not great. Let's make your foot feel better and remember to listen and think before acting next time". And then just drop it. Sometimes not talking is more effective than discussing it endlessly. My kid hates uncomfortable silence and knows parents mean business.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way all the time. I TOLD YOU SO. Holding it in is the hard part though, it's very unhelpful to express. The worse the injury, the more you have to bite your tongue.

[Anonymous]

He's 8 - he learned when it's wet, it's slippery and he shouldn't run. Painful lesson. Guarantee he's not focused on how YOU behaved. Move on.

[Anonymous]

I did something similar to you a few years ago (my kid crashed her bike, and my first response was “I told you to watch out!”). Definitely not my finest moment, and my kid still remembers my reaction, which I regret.

[Anonymous]

But you did tell him and he chose not to listen and then he ruined your day too. Not a lot of sympathy warranted IMO.

[Anonymous]

I would not express anger about it ruining my day, but yeah I have very little sympathy for pain that occurs from an action I specifically warned against. I don't say "I told you so" but I do (neutrally, matter-of-factly) reinforce the lesson that should be learned from this natural consequence "you ran even when you knew it was slippery, and then you fell and hurt your ankle and now can't hike at all." I try to leave out the "I told you it was going to be slippery and you ran anyway..." part. I act much differently for an injury that is a true accident, or that I didn't see coming so I didn't warn about...You don't know what you don't know, especially when you've only been in the world for a handful of years, so I don't blame them if there was no warning.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you OP. I work at a school and at recess I feel like I am constantly correcting dangerous behavior only to be ignored 2 seconds later and someone gets hurt. "I told you so" never has good feelings associated with it. I just try to talk to kids after the face about the choices they made and the consequences that came with them.

[Anonymous]

I’m ok being the AH in this instance. My first question would be “And what did you learn?”

[Anonymous]

Both reactions are valid: we feel sorry for our kids when they get hurt, and we get frustrated when they don’t heed out common-sense instructions.

You can start with empathy and kindness and making sure they are OK. When the situation is under control, you can then tell them that it’s extremely disappointing that one of you had to miss out on the activity to stay back with him, because he didn’t listen and mind.