Need advice/help - ADHD+SPD

[Anonymous]

My 12 yr old DS has a diagnosis of ADHD and SPD (social pragmatic disorder - basically level 1 autism without the sensory issues or restricted interests but all the perspective taking issues).

For years we thought his social challenges with peers and his sibling were coming the ADHD since he rarely had meltdowns and emotional dysregulation - he talked a lot and had trouble with staying on topic of it wasn’t his topic. But in the last year, he has started to have real meltdowns that last 30 minutes of him hiding out in his room trying to calm himself, mostly around electronics but way out of proportion to what you would expect at this age. He also continues to struggle in conversations in just the usual niceties of making other people feel heard or good, and tries to make lots and lots of jokes that are usually not very funny.

It’s affecting his sibling who feels like he gets all the attention as we try to help him, even as we make concerted efforts to pay lots of attention to the sibling as well. And I’m just getting scared that he will never have any friends because he’s pretty unlikeable acting like this. He always apologies as soon as he calms down and clearly is feeling pretty bad about himself. He says he is ruining everything and he’s sorry he’s difficult, but he isn’t able to handle it in the moment. He’s on ADHD meds. Any advice? I’m feeling so worried and just don’t know how to be a good parent to him and set him up for a happy life eventually.

[Anonymous]

What seems to trigger the meltdowns? Is he generally rigid and inflexible?

[Anonymous]

Kids are less judgemental than adults, he can have, find, keep friends. At 12, even if he's delayed in mental and emotional maturity, he's still entering puberty, which is rough.

I'm not sure exactly what your question is. How to head off meltdowns? How to react to meltdowns?

[Anonymous]

i think the best thing is to work on building his self esteem and finding activities he enjoys and excels at that is how he will find his 'tribe'. people (kids and adults) will tolerate a lot of personality quirks if the person is part of their crew of enthusiasts/ part of their team.