How would you move forward?

[Anonymous]

I have been married for 13 years, 3 of which have been spent in separation. Spouse and I have two kids 11 and 8. We co-parent very well, are friends some, and run a furniture business together.

Neither has filed for divorce, but we talk as if we will divorce, but it never actually happens. We both date other people and have no interest in sleeping with each other.

I’m tired of living in no man’s land family wise. Most people assume we are divorced because we’ve been separate so long. We don’t divorce because neither wants to take the economic hit and we still do family stuff with the kids.

What would you do here? Is there some way to make this work? I feel it’s crap or get off the pot time. Would you have some sort of creative family arrangement? Or divorce? We get along but cannot live together.

[Anonymous]

This will be decided once one of you meets someone who wants to get married.

Know what you want from a settlement, because if he's the one who initiates, you want to be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will be decided once one of you meets someone who wants to get married.

Know what you want from a settlement, because if he's the one who initiates, you want to be prepared.

Op here. We’ve both met people who we’ve gotten pretty serious with where marriage was brought up, and we both decided not to go that route. It could happen in the future though.

[Anonymous]

Should also say we’ve agreed upon settlement details, but neither files.

[Anonymous]

“ We don’t divorce because neither wants to take the economic hit”

Well there you have it.

Have your cake or eat it.

[Anonymous]

Not many people are going to be ok with your arrangment for very long, even if it is just a marriage on paper. You should put your big girl pants on and bite the bullet. The rest of your life is now, today.

[Anonymous]

^ unless you want to be going through an actual divorce while you're in love and trying to plan a wedding. You severly limit yourself.

[Anonymous]

It does not sound at all like a bad arrangement to me. These other posters are just narrowminded.

[Anonymous]

There are often good financial reasons not to divorce. My mother's lawyer told her not to divorce my father unless she wanted to marry someone else, which she never did. They were married but separated with a separation agreement that outlined custody, visitation, child support for 11 years when he died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are often good financial reasons not to divorce. My mother's lawyer told her not to divorce my father unless she wanted to marry someone else, which she never did. They were married but separated with a separation agreement that outlined custody, visitation, child support for 11 years when he died.

Where your parents friends at all? Or just strictly co-parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does not sound at all like a bad arrangement to me. These other posters are just narrowminded.

It limits the pool of other partners. That’s really all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does not sound at all like a bad arrangement to me. These other posters are just narrowminded.

+1

I would keep doing what you are doing. I wish I had your situation. I wanted that until kids grow up. Divorced and the logistics alone are a nightmare. I will never remarry. Your situation sounds ideal until college.

[Anonymous]

This is a good arrangement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does not sound at all like a bad arrangement to me. These other posters are just narrowminded.

It limits the pool of other partners. That’s really all.

Yes, other partners would need to have own place for sleepovers. But if they are ok with temporary 2-3 months dating, then it shouldn't matter. I don't see how a long term relationship can emerge from this

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds like a good arrangement. Why would you want to jump into a serious relationship right after a divorce anyway? If I get a divorce the last thing on my mind is moving in with a new partner or getting remarried.