Older LGBTQ+

[Anonymous]

I was reading in the ‘midlife concerns and elderly care’ a post about taking care of relatives without a spouse or children.
I am wondering, what is in place in our area for elderly LGBTQ+ people, the ones pre gay-marriage and adoptions laws, the ones who survived (and lost friend) during the HIV era without meds, the same often shunned by family or with few relatives alive?

[Anonymous]

Won't really be fundamentally different from straight singles or other singles estranged from family. Something that is increasingly common as a pretty high percentage of people across the board are now single.

If you must know, in some cities there are specialized senior citizen homes for gay men. Philadelphia has one. Non profit orgs run them.

[Anonymous]

As the population ages, this is going to be a greater issue. And perhaps somewhat because of the higher acceptance of gay men. Think about it, in past generations, these men might have married and had children. Now someone can be an openly gay man and it is not as big a deal.

[Anonymous]

It’s also a problem for the Baby Boomer generation of lesbians, who often had kids in hetero marriages, then divorced, and then faced the female household financial penalty (two women working for women’s wages). They never catch up financially, so struggle to retire and pay for care. My mom and many many of her friends are in this demographic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Won't really be fundamentally different from straight singles or other singles estranged from family. Something that is increasingly common as a pretty high percentage of people across the board are now single.

If you must know, in some cities there are specialized senior citizen homes for gay men. Philadelphia has one. Non profit orgs run them.

Exactly this. I'm LGBTQ and middle age but I have an cishet aunt who got married to an abusive husband when I was a teen then divorced him a few years later. She never remarried, she doesn't date, she doesn't have kids. She's been single for 20 years and will likely be single for the rest of her life.

[Anonymous]

My sister’s godmother has a rich community of queer folks who are aging with her and many good friends (including me and my sister) who will help her out as she ages. Also not sure what you mean by “too old” for gay marriage laws — my sister’s godmother was married in her 60s to a woman she met less than a decade before. (Her wife has since passed but their marriage was a help to her in her final days.) But I think this is similar to straight childless women who are single, divorced, or widowed as they grow old. They rely on friends, extended family, found family, and community as they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s also a problem for the Baby Boomer generation of lesbians, who often had kids in hetero marriages, then divorced, and then faced the female household financial penalty (two women working for women’s wages). They never catch up financially, so struggle to retire and pay for care. My mom and many many of her friends are in this demographic.

My grandma is in her early 80s so she would be the silent generation, but she doesn't seem to be doing well. She married a man and had two kids, but came out as lesbian when my mom was a teen. She's had two long term relationships, the first was great, but only lasted around 2-5 years, the second is with a woman who isn't as great but has seemed to be a stable presence. They live off of social security, and it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

I'm across the country, my mom died when I was a child, and aunt is in another state as well. So she's very alone. Unfortunately I haven't seen her since I was young because my dad had a fall out with her. I think he was formerly homophobic until the Obama era. Anyways, she seems isolated. It's hard to contact her because she does not use the internet. Doesn't know how to use a computer or cell phone. No texting. Only a corded house phone. My sister and I are trying to reconnect and check on her, but the girlfriend of many years took insult to us wanting to visit, insisting she is taking care of our Grandma.

Anyways, I can see how she got left behind after divorce and then being with a woman. Financially, socially, even electronically somehow. Of course there's other factors, but I do see what you mean. There needs to be resources for these people who had a harder life than most.