Club swimmer plateau/mental hurdle

[Anonymous]

I could really use some advice about my kid who seems to be a talented swimmer but has hit some difficulties lately. He was a very successful 10u and I think the attention and perceived expectations put a ton of pressure on him mentally, more than I understood at the time (we as his parents have never pressured or praised excessively but it was all over from coaches, peers, etc). He finished his 10u time with AAAA times in nearly every event, which as you know if you are a swim parent turn into mostly A times for the boys when they turn 11. He aged up a few months ago and seems to have lost so much confidence and beyond that, has made small time improvements but no big leaps. He is still a great swimmer - all A/AA times as a young 11 year old, making all state champ cuts, etc. but of course he cannot compete with the top level boys who are older and many of whom have grown/gone through puberty. He has not grown much at all in the past six months and I feel like physically he is just doing all his body can do until he gets a little more size and strength. He practices with the top group for his age and feels like he is making big strides at practice on the fastest intervals, but that doesn't seem to be reflected in his times at meets. I've always been told this age group is tough because kids grow and develop at such different times and rates, so the results can be confusing and frustrating when kids are working hard. I don't have any need for him to be a superstar, but I hate seeing him feeling obviously down and discouraged, and frustrated by feeling like his hard work is not paying off. I just want to see him happy about swimming again, excited and confident rather than nervous and doubtful. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it, other than telling me he still loves swimming (we have always assured him we would support him stopping/cutting back or focusing on another sport if he wants and he never needs to feel like he HAS to swim). If you have BTDT as a swimmer or parent of a swimmer, I would love your advice on helping him push through this and retain his passion for something he deeply enjoys.

[Anonymous]

Just breathe. It is a marathon, not a sprint, and the hard work is the point. If he brings a great attitude to practice and works hard he will see the best results for him. But that may not be AAAA times and champs cuts, or maybe it will.

Trust the process, try to relax, and know that everything will change again in 3/4 years anyhow when senior swimming comes.

[Anonymous]

Ooof that age group is just brutal. My son hit that plateau and it was painful. We got him into other things that he really loves, and kept him in swimming for “conditioning”, and just didn’t force him to compete if he didn’t want to. He got over the hump eventually and started dropping time consistently after a taking year to develop and work on his technique. It’ll happen but maybe not for a while. He should explore things that make him happy!

[Anonymous]

Most kids struggle as they age up. Let him know that it happens, keep it light, and give him time to adjust to being the small fish in a big pool again.

[Anonymous]

Don’t focus on times or dropping time. Don’t worry about AAAA or B times. Really none of that matters at all. It’s all about the love of swimming. If your kid loves swimming, keep him swimming. Talk to the coach and ask them to not talk about times with kids. This is not the right age to be focusing on times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t focus on times or dropping time. Don’t worry about AAAA or B times. Really none of that matters at all. It’s all about the love of swimming. If your kid loves swimming, keep him swimming. Talk to the coach and ask them to not talk about times with kids. This is not the right age to be focusing on times.

If a swimmer was at AAAA times as a 10U and is training with the highest training group for their age, the cat is already out of the bag with regard to times. No coach of high level 11-14 year olds is just not talking about times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could really use some advice about my kid who seems to be a talented swimmer but has hit some difficulties lately. He was a very successful 10u and I think the attention and perceived expectations put a ton of pressure on him mentally, more than I understood at the time (we as his parents have never pressured or praised excessively but it was all over from coaches, peers, etc). He finished his 10u time with AAAA times in nearly every event, which as you know if you are a swim parent turn into mostly A times for the boys when they turn 11. He aged up a few months ago and seems to have lost so much confidence and beyond that, has made small time improvements but no big leaps. He is still a great swimmer - all A/AA times as a young 11 year old, making all state champ cuts, etc. but of course he cannot compete with the top level boys who are older and many of whom have grown/gone through puberty. He has not grown much at all in the past six months and I feel like physically he is just doing all his body can do until he gets a little more size and strength. He practices with the top group for his age and feels like he is making big strides at practice on the fastest intervals, but that doesn't seem to be reflected in his times at meets. I've always been told this age group is tough because kids grow and develop at such different times and rates, so the results can be confusing and frustrating when kids are working hard. I don't have any need for him to be a superstar, but I hate seeing him feeling obviously down and discouraged, and frustrated by feeling like his hard work is not paying off. I just want to see him happy about swimming again, excited and confident rather than nervous and doubtful. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it, other than telling me he still loves swimming (we have always assured him we would support him stopping/cutting back or focusing on another sport if he wants and he never needs to feel like he HAS to swim). If you have BTDT as a swimmer or parent of a swimmer, I would love your advice on helping him push through this and retain his passion for something he deeply enjoys.

It’s going to be very hard for your son to take the long view, so you really have to model it for him. The key is that your son has to believe that hard work and persistence is worthwhile even if he is not winning/has AAAA times. I have a just turned 11 year old who went to zones as a young 10 year old and is bumping against the reality that he won’t be going to zones this summer.

But he went through an atypical plateau as a 9/10 year old where he didn’t drop from his 9 year times for almost a year. He was down for a while, but he worked hard and got there after deciding to focus on practice. That year taught him not to get too discouraged and concentrate less on his times and more on things that he can improve, like his start, turns, catch, etc.

It’s a bit of the world’s smallest violin, but it’s actually hard for young kids who win all the time because they don’t tend to have as much of a growth mindset about swimming, so when they plateau, it throws them off. It was actually a positive thing for my kid to go through his slump - now he can shrug off bad races and see the positive even when he gains time. He saw for himself that effort and focus at practice eventually pays off.

Remind your son that Caleab dressel got 29th place in 100 free and squeaked into the last seed in the B final for 100 fly this week, but no one has a doubt that he will work his way back. I saw an interview with dressel a few years ago, where he talked about middling meet results, and he said that he was really happy with how he was doing and that even if he added time, he was improving on parts of his swim and it would all come together at the end. My kid really took that advice to heart and knows that sometimes things get slower while they are getting better. Like how your golf swing gets wonky when you are improving it. Good luck, this is the gritty time when lots of kids quit, but the kids who swim because they like practicing, their teammates, and constantly trying to improve, are the ones who stay. It will be hard, but he will get through it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could really use some advice about my kid who seems to be a talented swimmer but has hit some difficulties lately. He was a very successful 10u and I think the attention and perceived expectations put a ton of pressure on him mentally, more than I understood at the time (we as his parents have never pressured or praised excessively but it was all over from coaches, peers, etc). He finished his 10u time with AAAA times in nearly every event, which as you know if you are a swim parent turn into mostly A times for the boys when they turn 11. He aged up a few months ago and seems to have lost so much confidence and beyond that, has made small time improvements but no big leaps. He is still a great swimmer - all A/AA times as a young 11 year old, making all state champ cuts, etc. but of course he cannot compete with the top level boys who are older and many of whom have grown/gone through puberty. He has not grown much at all in the past six months and I feel like physically he is just doing all his body can do until he gets a little more size and strength. He practices with the top group for his age and feels like he is making big strides at practice on the fastest intervals, but that doesn't seem to be reflected in his times at meets. I've always been told this age group is tough because kids grow and develop at such different times and rates, so the results can be confusing and frustrating when kids are working hard. I don't have any need for him to be a superstar, but I hate seeing him feeling obviously down and discouraged, and frustrated by feeling like his hard work is not paying off. I just want to see him happy about swimming again, excited and confident rather than nervous and doubtful. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it, other than telling me he still loves swimming (we have always assured him we would support him stopping/cutting back or focusing on another sport if he wants and he never needs to feel like he HAS to swim). If you have BTDT as a swimmer or parent of a swimmer, I would love your advice on helping him push through this and retain his passion for something he deeply enjoys.

It’s going to be very hard for your son to take the long view, so you really have to model it for him. The key is that your son has to believe that hard work and persistence is worthwhile even if he is not winning/has AAAA times. I have a just turned 11 year old who went to zones as a young 10 year old and is bumping against the reality that he won’t be going to zones this summer.

But he went through an atypical plateau as a 9/10 year old where he didn’t drop from his 9 year times for almost a year. He was down for a while, but he worked hard and got there after deciding to focus on practice. That year taught him not to get too discouraged and concentrate less on his times and more on things that he can improve, like his start, turns, catch, etc.

It’s a bit of the world’s smallest violin, but it’s actually hard for young kids who win all the time because they don’t tend to have as much of a growth mindset about swimming, so when they plateau, it throws them off. It was actually a positive thing for my kid to go through his slump - now he can shrug off bad races and see the positive even when he gains time. He saw for himself that effort and focus at practice eventually pays off.

Remind your son that Caleab dressel got 29th place in 100 free and squeaked into the last seed in the B final for 100 fly this week, but no one has a doubt that he will work his way back. I saw an interview with dressel a few years ago, where he talked about middling meet results, and he said that he was really happy with how he was doing and that even if he added time, he was improving on parts of his swim and it would all come together at the end. My kid really took that advice to heart and knows that sometimes things get slower while they are getting better. Like how your golf swing gets wonky when you are improving it. Good luck, this is the gritty time when lots of kids quit, but the kids who swim because they like practicing, their teammates, and constantly trying to improve, are the ones who stay. It will be hard, but he will get through it!

Was that interview live or recorded anywhere? Would love to share it with my kid! Thanks

[Anonymous]

The chances of your son being an elite swimmer are very small.

If you want him to be happy and confident about swimming, you have to accept that that’s not a reasonable goal for all the time, every meet, or even every season. Long term pursuits don’t work that way.

Your job is to validate what he’s feeling and experiencing and help him take the long view. The long view is not “you will be elite again when you get to the top of the next age group.” The long view is having hard conversations about why we do the things we do and why he is doing swimming and what he wants to get out of it. And the nature of progress, which is not linear or without long winters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The chances of your son being an elite swimmer are very small.

If you want him to be happy and confident about swimming, you have to accept that that’s not a reasonable goal for all the time, every meet, or even every season. Long term pursuits don’t work that way.

Your job is to validate what he’s feeling and experiencing and help him take the long view. The long view is not “you will be elite again when you get to the top of the next age group.” The long view is having hard conversations about why we do the things we do and why he is doing swimming and what he wants to get out of it. And the nature of progress, which is not linear or without long winters.

This is excellent advice. This is the time to dig into the “why” behind the effort. If hers coming up short on answers, then it’s time to find things that are more fulfilling while swimming takes a backseat.

[Anonymous]

I dealt with this as a swimmer, and I’m dealing with it now as a parent albeit on a smaller scale (child is/was not elite, but pretty good and now struggling in the new age group). The key as a swimmer is to ask yourself whether you still enjoy the day today of swimming. It is way too much work and time if your enjoyment of the sport is purely tied to your success. I went through one slump in early high school, and another after my freshman year of college. Both were really difficult psychologically, but my love for the sport kept me pushing through. I never truly considered quitting during those times. Changes to coaching and training also helped but I am not sure I would go that route for a 10 year old. As for the advice I’ve been giving my own child, I’ve been telling him that if he focuses on what he’s doing at practice and keeps working that things will come together eventually. He’s having to learn a lot of new things right now and it will take time for it to solidify. He was used to all of it coming easy, and he sort of had a bad attitude, thinking he could get away with being “too cool” to care about swimming and still win races. In some ways the struggle has been good for him because it has helped him realize that he does want to work at his swimming and try to improve. Heading into summer I wasn’t sure if he would want to swim over the winter because he has other sports he likes more. But now he’s saying he actually wants to spend a little more time on swimming than he did this past winter because he sees how that has helped other kids.

I will say, though that you should prepare yourself for the reality that a superstar 10 year old may lose the magic so to speak. It happens all the time. It sounds like your son still has the potential to get back to the top of the ranks but you should really keep an ion whether he enjoys swimming for the sake of it or whether he likes the winning. There is no guarantee he will end up back at the top as other kids grow and catch up, etc..

[Anonymous]

He'll either hit puberty and have the frame of a fast swimmer or he won't. A lot of younger kids who start early and are athletic and coordinated (which seems to be associated with compact builds in younger kids) jumps out fast, but fall back as other kids get bigger and stronger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could really use some advice about my kid who seems to be a talented swimmer but has hit some difficulties lately. He was a very successful 10u and I think the attention and perceived expectations put a ton of pressure on him mentally, more than I understood at the time (we as his parents have never pressured or praised excessively but it was all over from coaches, peers, etc). He finished his 10u time with AAAA times in nearly every event, which as you know if you are a swim parent turn into mostly A times for the boys when they turn 11. He aged up a few months ago and seems to have lost so much confidence and beyond that, has made small time improvements but no big leaps. He is still a great swimmer - all A/AA times as a young 11 year old, making all state champ cuts, etc. but of course he cannot compete with the top level boys who are older and many of whom have grown/gone through puberty. He has not grown much at all in the past six months and I feel like physically he is just doing all his body can do until he gets a little more size and strength. He practices with the top group for his age and feels like he is making big strides at practice on the fastest intervals, but that doesn't seem to be reflected in his times at meets. I've always been told this age group is tough because kids grow and develop at such different times and rates, so the results can be confusing and frustrating when kids are working hard. I don't have any need for him to be a superstar, but I hate seeing him feeling obviously down and discouraged, and frustrated by feeling like his hard work is not paying off. I just want to see him happy about swimming again, excited and confident rather than nervous and doubtful. I have tried talking to him but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it, other than telling me he still loves swimming (we have always assured him we would support him stopping/cutting back or focusing on another sport if he wants and he never needs to feel like he HAS to swim). If you have BTDT as a swimmer or parent of a swimmer, I would love your advice on helping him push through this and retain his passion for something he deeply enjoys.

It’s going to be very hard for your son to take the long view, so you really have to model it for him. The key is that your son has to believe that hard work and persistence is worthwhile even if he is not winning/has AAAA times. I have a just turned 11 year old who went to zones as a young 10 year old and is bumping against the reality that he won’t be going to zones this summer.

But he went through an atypical plateau as a 9/10 year old where he didn’t drop from his 9 year times for almost a year. He was down for a while, but he worked hard and got there after deciding to focus on practice. That year taught him not to get too discouraged and concentrate less on his times and more on things that he can improve, like his start, turns, catch, etc.

It’s a bit of the world’s smallest violin, but it’s actually hard for young kids who win all the time because they don’t tend to have as much of a growth mindset about swimming, so when they plateau, it throws them off. It was actually a positive thing for my kid to go through his slump - now he can shrug off bad races and see the positive even when he gains time. He saw for himself that effort and focus at practice eventually pays off.

Remind your son that Caleab dressel got 29th place in 100 free and squeaked into the last seed in the B final for 100 fly this week, but no one has a doubt that he will work his way back. I saw an interview with dressel a few years ago, where he talked about middling meet results, and he said that he was really happy with how he was doing and that even if he added time, he was improving on parts of his swim and it would all come together at the end. My kid really took that advice to heart and knows that sometimes things get slower while they are getting better. Like how your golf swing gets wonky when you are improving it. Good luck, this is the gritty time when lots of kids quit, but the kids who swim because they like practicing, their teammates, and constantly trying to improve, are the ones who stay. It will be hard, but he will get through it!

Was that interview live or recorded anywhere? Would love to share it with my kid! Thanks

Here it is - it’s just after he talks about his leg tattoo!

https://swimswam.com/why-olympic-gold-medalist-caeleb-dressel-is-ok-with-swimming-slowly-in-season/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dealt with this as a swimmer, and I’m dealing with it now as a parent albeit on a smaller scale (child is/was not elite, but pretty good and now struggling in the new age group). The key as a swimmer is to ask yourself whether you still enjoy the day today of swimming. It is way too much work and time if your enjoyment of the sport is purely tied to your success. I went through one slump in early high school, and another after my freshman year of college. Both were really difficult psychologically, but my love for the sport kept me pushing through. I never truly considered quitting during those times. Changes to coaching and training also helped but I am not sure I would go that route for a 10 year old. As for the advice I’ve been giving my own child, I’ve been telling him that if he focuses on what he’s doing at practice and keeps working that things will come together eventually. He’s having to learn a lot of new things right now and it will take time for it to solidify. He was used to all of it coming easy, and he sort of had a bad attitude, thinking he could get away with being “too cool” to care about swimming and still win races. In some ways the struggle has been good for him because it has helped him realize that he does want to work at his swimming and try to improve. Heading into summer I wasn’t sure if he would want to swim over the winter because he has other sports he likes more. But now he’s saying he actually wants to spend a little more time on swimming than he did this past winter because he sees how that has helped other kids.

I will say, though that you should prepare yourself for the reality that a superstar 10 year old may lose the magic so to speak. It happens all the time. It sounds like your son still has the potential to get back to the top of the ranks but you should really keep an ion whether he enjoys swimming for the sake of it or whether he likes the winning. There is no guarantee he will end up back at the top as other kids grow and catch up, etc..

I’m pp who posted the dressel video. This was also true of my kid, as I posted above. I now believe the most valuable thing my kids will get out of swim, other than learning a safe way to be active for life, is how to lose and deal with setbacks. My kid was crushed when he dq’d his favorite and best event at Jo’s, but he learned how to deal with disappointment and stay focused. He might disagree with me, but I think it all turned out for the best. He didn’t get the win, but he gained so much more in experience. Thanks And yes it’s true that only a few kids become elite swimmers, but that’s not a reason to encourage your kid be the best they can be - you are doing it to develop their work ethic, determination, and growth mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He'll either hit puberty and have the frame of a fast swimmer or he won't. A lot of younger kids who start early and are athletic and coordinated (which seems to be associated with compact builds in younger kids) jumps out fast, but fall back as other kids get bigger and stronger.

This is so true. The tiny, compact kids are incredible as 10 and unders. Then they pitter out as other kids get taller and bigger. Anyway, you don't want your kid to be the best at 10. You want them to be the best at 16+.
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