Should we go for baby 2?

[Anonymous]

DD is 5 this year…I am 38 this year, DH is 40. I’ve been FIRMLY one and done since DD was 3 months. PPA/PPD, rough patch in marriage, financial stress. You name it.

And recently I’ve started feeling like…maybe one more? All of the things that made the first pregnancy so hard are resolved. Marriage is better than it’s ever been, DH pulls his weight and then some, financially comfortable, our home is paid for outright, solid stable growing careers. DD is wonderful and brilliant.

DH definitely wants one more, but there’s no pressure.

I’ve had regular fertility testing since DD was born, just to keep an eye on things, numbers are excellent and Doctor thinks pregnancy would likely happen easily. I recognize at 37 that waiting too long is a real possibility.

If you were one and done, then changed your mind, what changed it? Did you end up regretting a second?

[Anonymous]

I'm firmly one and done with a 3yo. I will never have another. Don't stress your marriage because of a biological urge that we all get from time to time.

[Anonymous]

I would just think about how much you want to “start over” again when life seems pretty good right now. My kids are very close in age, so I can’t speak to a large age gap, and I know people see a lot of benefits in a bigger age gap, but also realize that your kids will be in pretty different life stages throughout their childhood. That is not to deter you at all but to get you to think more. I also think of the age of 5 as a sweet spot of an age for a lot of people… parenting can be really challenging in the tween/teen years, so think about that too.

[Anonymous]

Just want to add.... to me it's like, you were drowning, you finally made it to shore and the sun is shining on you. And you want to get back in the deep water. Hard no for me. You never know if second kid will be colicky, have special needs, just have a difficult personality...

This is an area where I urge friends to "know your limits."

[Anonymous]

You really don't know your fertility situation based on numbers. I had no problem conceiving until 36 and it's been hell ever since, no end in sight. Of course, all the numbers look perfect.

Could you do it? Of course. It's a game of roulette. You have no idea if the outcome will be net positive or lead to the end of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I say that if you want one more, and are well situated for it, do it!

It sounds like you are in a very different place than when your daughter was born. You can anticipate the additional support needed for the transition to 2 and put those supports in place early ie- psychological support, postpartum doula or baby nurse, household help, meal delivery/kits.

What a wonderful experience it would be to have a baby you could really enjoy. It takes a certain amount of learned wisdom, relationship stability, and a lot of financial resources to have that experience. Lucky you! Wishing you the best!

[Anonymous]

If you want more I’d do it asap. I had an easy pregnant and birth with my daughter at age 29 and we’ve been having issues getting pregnant with baby 2 at age 32- mostly due to likely my eggs getting older. We get pregnant but have had two mc so far due to chromosomal issues likely. Numbers aren’t everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just want to add.... to me it's like, you were drowning, you finally made it to shore and the sun is shining on you. And you want to get back in the deep water. Hard no for me. You never know if second kid will be colicky, have special needs, just have a difficult personality...

This is an area where I urge friends to "know your limits."

+1. Plus like another PP said, with a 5-6 year age gap (minimum), you'd be in divide and conquer parenting mode forever. When we were in the same position, we chose not to start over and it was the right choice for us.

[Anonymous]

You could try naturally and see what happens. A 5 to 6 year age gap is no big deal especially once they're older.

[Anonymous]

I would not want to start over with a five year old.

[Anonymous]

You owe your kid a sibling if you can pull it off

[Anonymous]

Jeez, you don't owe your kid a sibling, obviously.
We went for one more and had twins. It's great now but was very tough in the beginning. Know your limits and don't shake the boat.

[Anonymous]

I think the key is the PPD/PPA and the rough patch in your marriage during #1. I had horrible PPD and definitely couldn't do it again. Not sure if your rough patch was parenting stress related, but we had a very very rough patch when our DS was 3-4ish and we couldn't risk that again. And as others have said, I think about starting over again (diapers, sleep training, potty training, strollers) and just can't imagine it.

YMMV, but I love that we're getting to a point where we can eat out as a family, fairly easily travel, etc. If it were me, I'd take that financial stability and give your kid a travel-filled childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really don't know your fertility situation based on numbers. I had no problem conceiving until 36 and it's been hell ever since, no end in sight. Of course, all the numbers look perfect.

Could you do it? Of course. It's a game of roulette. You have no idea if the outcome will be net positive or lead to the end of your marriage.

Exact same story; year 3 of TTC. OP if you want another do it now. If you don't want another and are just doing a thought exercise, stick with what you've got because it sounds pretty good.

[Anonymous]

Imho, this is the perfect scenario where it's comforting to just accept: if it happens, it happens. Just relax and let it happen, if it does. Otherwise, put it out of your mind.