Frustrating issue with intimacy

[Anonymous]

I will try to keep this as non-explicit as possible but I could use some advice. I'm pretty sure this is a physiological issue.

I'm 45, my DH is 46. For several months, during intimacy, I feel very little sensation, if any. No friction. He is able to finish, I am often not. We do have foreplay, etc. but even when we don't, it feels super slippery and like nothing sometimes. My DH notices the lack of friction but can usually still finish.

I asked my doctor about it and she said she didn't have any suggestions because usually women have the opposite problem: dryness. So I am on my own to figure this out.

I've searched online to see if this is an uncommon symptom of perimenopause but it doesn't seem to be. I'm frustrated and don't know how to fix this. Sex just isn't enjoyable anymore. If anyone has suggestions, please share.

[Anonymous]

It actually does happen with peri/menopause, it's just less bad overall than dryness which can be painful. No tips though.

[Anonymous]

I think this is also what's happening with me. It comes and goes (it'll last for up to 3 months)

Dryness has never been a problem for me. I can only finish myself off these days and sometimes that's not even possible.

[Anonymous]

Seconding peri menopause. No one talks about this.

Estrogen plays a huge role in our enjoyment of sexual activity. As estrogen drops, blood flow to the vulva, clit, vagina also drops. Atrophy can start. Diminished ability to orgasm, orgasms that stop feeling good, etc.

I still was able to create lubrication, but could not finish easily, or have orgasms that felt good that often.

It may not be peri, but it doesn’t hurt to learn about it.

https://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-midlife/decreased-response-and-pleasure

https://www.feistymenopause.com/blog/how-to-keep-menopause-from-erasing-your-orgasm

The great news is that this can be addressed.

You may want to talk to a gynecologist who has menopause education. This is a tool you can use to find a practitioner in your area: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx

[Anonymous]

Try vaginal estrogen cream or tablets. Your gyn should be able to prescribe those to you. It’s localized estrogen and won’t migrate to your blood (in the case you might be opposed to adding systemic estrogen).

Localized E resolves basically all menopausal urogynecological symptoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seconding peri menopause. No one talks about this.

Estrogen plays a huge role in our enjoyment of sexual activity. As estrogen drops, blood flow to the vulva, clit, vagina also drops. Atrophy can start. Diminished ability to orgasm, orgasms that stop feeling good, etc.

I still was able to create lubrication, but could not finish easily, or have orgasms that felt good that often.

It may not be peri, but it doesn’t hurt to learn about it.

https://www.menopause.org/for-women/sexual-health-menopause-online/sexual-problems-at-midlife/decreased-response-and-pleasure

https://www.feistymenopause.com/blog/how-to-keep-menopause-from-erasing-your-orgasm

The great news is that this can be addressed.

You may want to talk to a gynecologist who has menopause education. This is a tool you can use to find a practitioner in your area: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx

Big +1

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks, all. I think I do need find another doctor. Will look into those resources as well.

[Anonymous]

Can he stimulate you actively (which may not have been necessary before).

I would try new things, in light of this development… not just accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is also what's happening with me. It comes and goes (it'll last for up to 3 months)

Dryness has never been a problem for me. I can only finish myself off these days and sometimes that's not even possible.

I'm sorry. I hope it gets better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he stimulate you actively (which may not have been necessary before).

I would try new things, in light of this development… not just accept it.

He's willing. I definitely don't want to accept this. It is affecting both of us.

[Anonymous]

If you’re very slippery, you probably have low progesterone and high estrogen, at least relative to the progesterone. (This happens with peri). If you’re having trouble finishing, you probably need very low dose testosterone to get your levels back to normal.

I’d look into cyclic progesterone and some low dose TRT.

I had very similar issues an HRT completely fixed them.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried using a vibrator at the same time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried using a vibrator at the same time?

No, haven't tried that yet.