How to handle my birthday with my BF

[Anonymous]

BF and I have been together 18 mos. For his birthday, I booked a hotel on the beach a few hours away for two nights and we had massages. My birthday is coming up and he said he's reserved this weekend and Monday to celebrate, and briefly mentioned going away, but hasn't told me anything yet. Should I help him plan something? Or not mention it and just see what he does?

[Anonymous]

If there is something specific you want, you need to mention it. A good partner is not one that can read your mind, but one that listens to you and help you get what you want. If you don't tell him what you want, you likely will not get it.

If you really don't care, you can still help him plan. Again, communicate.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you're excited for what he's planned, and ask what you should wear, indoor/outdoor so you know if you need sunscreen, etc.

[Anonymous]

Don’t turn it into a test. Who cares what you did for him. If you want something, tell him. If you absolutely don’t care (and won’t mind if he doesn’t compete with what you did) then wait and see.

[Anonymous]

I would not assume you are going away or say you’re excited about what he has planned when you have little to no evidence that anything has been planned. I would just cheerfully ask, “What should we do for my birthday weekend?” and be ready with suggestions.

[Anonymous]

I'd only ask if there's any special packing considerations. Beyond that, take his word that he's planned something. Do not offer to help him plan--if he's already planned something, you come across as micromanaging; if he lied and hasn't planned anything, you caught him lying, which you'd find out soon enough anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t turn it into a test. Who cares what you did for him. If you want something, tell him. If you absolutely don’t care (and won’t mind if he doesn’t compete with what you did) then wait and see.

op: He asked me a few weeks ago if there's anywhere in particular I'd like to go, and I said, "I'd love a beach day!". I am fine waiting and seeing, but given that it's Thursday and the weekend is two days away, I'm getting nervous that nothing will happen and then I'll be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

He has marked off the weekend to celebrate and briefly mentioned going away ONCE- that is not the same as him stating he has made plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
He has marked off the weekend to celebrate and briefly mentioned going away ONCE- that is not the same as him stating he has made plans.

op: so should I assume that he won't be planning anything then? And just wait to see if he brings it up this weekend? I'm confused.

[Anonymous]

How did you handle your birthday last year - did he plan something?

And agree about it not being a test - communicate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you handle your birthday last year - did he plan something?

And agree about it not being a test - communicate!

op: Last year we had been dating for 6 months and I was out of two visiting family on my actual birthday. He got me flowers/chocolate, and took me out to dinner a few days later.

[Anonymous]

DP. with your update, I'd just ask him to level with you. In any case I'd prepare to be disappointed. I'm sorry. I've been there. Married him and it's been 17 years. He's a good DH overall and a good father, but has never been great on birthdays/celebrations. I have long since learned to temper my expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. with your update, I'd just ask him to level with you. In any case I'd prepare to be disappointed. I'm sorry. I've been there. Married him and it's been 17 years. He's a good DH overall and a good father, but has never been great on birthdays/celebrations. I have long since learned to temper my expectations.

OP: I get that. I feel like either way it's going to be a let-down though- if I level with him, and he hasn't thought about anything, or if I wait and see, and he hasn't done anything. At least by not saying anything, I give him a chance to book something last minute, without micromanaging, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. with your update, I'd just ask him to level with you. In any case I'd prepare to be disappointed. I'm sorry. I've been there. Married him and it's been 17 years. He's a good DH overall and a good father, but has never been great on birthdays/celebrations. I have long since learned to temper my expectations.

OP: I get that. I feel like either way it's going to be a let-down though- if I level with him, and he hasn't thought about anything, or if I wait and see, and he hasn't done anything. At least by not saying anything, I give him a chance to book something last minute, without micromanaging, right?

It is clear that no matter what he does you are going to be let down and upset at him. You need to grow up. Tell him what you want for your birthday and then work with him to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. with your update, I'd just ask him to level with you. In any case I'd prepare to be disappointed. I'm sorry. I've been there. Married him and it's been 17 years. He's a good DH overall and a good father, but has never been great on birthdays/celebrations. I have long since learned to temper my expectations.

OP: I get that. I feel like either way it's going to be a let-down though- if I level with him, and he hasn't thought about anything, or if I wait and see, and he hasn't done anything. At least by not saying anything, I give him a chance to book something last minute, without micromanaging, right?

It is clear that no matter what he does you are going to be let down and upset at him. You need to grow up. Tell him what you want for your birthday and then work with him to make it happen.

Op: I won’t be upset at all if he does something- I’ll get very appreciative! I feel like I did communicate- I said I’d love a beach day when he asked. So if we go to a local beach for the day I’ll be thrilled.