If your kid disrespects you…

[Anonymous]

If your pre-teen or teen insults you and/ or shows the middle finger out of disagreement, how do you proceed? Do you calmly yet firmly give you consequences or get out of yourself and scream *^%#? Does your spouse team up with you on the kind of consequences or disagrees in your kid’s presence?

[Anonymous]

Need more context.

[Anonymous]

We definitely don't disagree with each other in front of the kid.

How bad is the disrespect? If it's mild / moderate it's mostly "I'll continue this conversation with you when you can be respectful."

If it's bad, I am not so calm. (Luckily it's only happened rarely)

But overall yes, spouse and I are a team.

[Anonymous]

Damn let him disrespect

[Anonymous]

My DD gave me the middle finger once, and i told her the next time she did it I'd cut her finger off. Never happened again. F*ck around and find out.

[Anonymous]

If the disrespect is really bad I take away screen time. Sometimes spouse and I disagree but when the disrespect is very obvious we are on the same page

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I have never cursed at each other.

My kids have given me sass and argue with me endlessly, but have never cursed at me or given me the finger. Maybe they have done it behind my back, but certainly never in front of me. I think if they did that, it would mean they really hate me and don't respect me at all.

Consequences.. gosh. I think DH and I would agree that this would be a huuuuge deal in our house. Grounded for months? Additional chores? Take away phone (their life blood)? Made to volunteer at a homeless shelter?

They are teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the disrespect is really bad I take away screen time. Sometimes spouse and I disagree but when the disrespect is very obvious we are on the same page

What does giving the middle finger have to do with screen time? That’s a sucky consequence…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD gave me the middle finger once, and i told her the next time she did it I'd cut her finger off. Never happened again. F*ck around and find out.

+1000

My kid would not dare. I’m a pretty easy going parent, not authoritarian at all, but I have zero tolerance for disrespect like that.

[Anonymous]

Wow that is really bad. My kids (14 and 12) would get phones taken away if they did something like that. . I don’t care if the consequence “relates to the crime”. They hate losing phones more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

We have a code word. It “sponge bob”.

Nobody is allowed to talk for 20 minutes then we discuss.

Usually it goes like this.

What is going on?

You treat me like I’m a 10 year old

I say sorry.
They say sorry

Or
I’m stressed about x … I’m sorry.

Or
<fill in the blank>

We move on.

Never address extreme emotions with talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow that is really bad. My kids (14 and 12) would get phones taken away if they did something like that. . I don’t care if the consequence “relates to the crime”. They hate losing phones more than anything else.

+100

[Anonymous]

If my child gave me the finger, their life as they know it would change for a month (at least). All the stuff they enjoy in MY home, which I pay for, would vanish. Start with the phone, onto the PlayStation, the car keys, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the disrespect is really bad I take away screen time. Sometimes spouse and I disagree but when the disrespect is very obvious we are on the same page

What does giving the middle finger have to do with screen time? That’s a sucky consequence…

I’m not the PP but because screen time is their currency. I would do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD gave me the middle finger once, and i told her the next time she did it I'd cut her finger off. Never happened again. F*ck around and find out.

+1000

My kid would not dare. I’m a pretty easy going parent, not authoritarian at all, but I have zero tolerance for disrespect like that.

Yeah I am not at all an authoritarian parent and pretty sure many would call me a pushover. That being said, it would never occur to my kid to cuss me out, give me the finger, or anything similar. Just wouldn’t happen and at 18 and 15, I am pretty confident about that. I sometimes hear about stuff like this from other parents and wonder how I got so lucky. I really wouldn’t know how to handle.