Do you let your high school kid know you don’t like a friend?

[Anonymous]

I keep an eye on my kid’s snaps. This kid is fixated on sex and doesn’t treat girls right. I think the girls or his parents would have no idea unless you read this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Well, there's a friend that's a big Andrew Tate fan. My kid is so far clueless, so I clued him in on what Tate is known for besides he entertainment videos. I don't disparage the kid directly, but tell DS that he should keep an eye out for said friend so he doesn't get swept into it.

[Anonymous]

Yep, and why.

[Anonymous]

I'd raise concerns but wouldn't want to make my kid feel pressured to choose between a friend and me. I might not get chosen.

[Anonymous]

I ask questions. "Have you noticed X?" "What did you think about Y?" "What do you do when he says Z?" Better to get them thinking about it themselves; they are more likely to distance themselves from someone if it's their own conclusion rather than me telling them what I think they should do.

[Anonymous]

I would not hold back my thoughts, opinions and observations of their friends. That being said, I would do my due diligence on the conclusions I reach before I share them with my child.

[Anonymous]

I am also in the camp of making comments/asking questions so they learn to read the signs and come to their own conclusions. It usually works just fine.

[Anonymous]

I would if they had some, but this is something they figured out for themselves in elementary school, OP. The last conversation about a bad friend I had with my kids was in 5th grade, about an online "friend" during the pandemic lockdown. Now they're 18 and 13 and I don't anticipate having that conversation again. They don't suffer fools gladly, and risky behavior falls into that category.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

How do you keep an eye on their snaps? I thought they disappear after a certain amount of time?

[Anonymous]

Yes!!! Sometimes I’m critical of her friends and I apologize after bc it’s a crummy thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I would probably say "I don't like this behavior" rather than "I don't like this kid", but I would draw my kid's attention to the way the behavior hurts people, and how it conflicts with the values he's been taught.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on why. For things that could potentially get your teen in trouble absolutely.


So in your case definitely op just consider what trouble your son could be in if he mistreated a girl when he's around

[Anonymous]

Yes. We talk a lot in the family. I never directly say I don’t like them but he brings it up all of the time and I will say he can’t sleep over at certain houses. It’s almost an accusation “I know you don’t like Jack.” I reply, “it’s not that I don’t like him, it’s that you tell me all he does is smoke weed and he drives while high. I don’t want you around that.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We talk a lot in the family. I never directly say I don’t like them but he brings it up all of the time and I will say he can’t sleep over at certain houses. It’s almost an accusation “I know you don’t like Jack.” I reply, “it’s not that I don’t like him, it’s that you tell me all he does is smoke weed and he drives while high. I don’t want you around that.”

Same situation here. The difficulty in OP's situation is that her kid isn't telling her about the friend's behavior, so without disclosing that she is monitoring their social media accounts, then what reasons could she give?