Extended family

[Anonymous]

Hello - I have been very sad lately - I have wonderful kids but they have no cousins. No one else on my husband’s or my side had kids. I always see friends kids playing with cousins and I am not close to my cousins because they have always been super competitive and never made an effort - so I decided to concentrate on my children and hope that things will be different for them and they will have more family around. I have always been the one to invite and never receive. I need to stop being jealous too - just because people are from a big loving family doesn’t mean it’s all rosy

[Anonymous]

I have 18 first cousins from both my mom and dad’s side and none of us are or were ever close, if it makes you feel any better.

[Anonymous]

Op, there are lots of ways to have the benefit of an extended "family."

(hint: don't make this about genetics)

[Anonymous]

My kids have 2 cousins and one lives abroad. I have fond memories of visits with cousins as kids, but that’s it because we all lived in different states, and I’m not close with any of them now. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Good, warm feelings of time spent w/a loved one -- is because the person remembering is a loving person. That love can be directed to any (worthy) person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good, warm feelings of time spent w/a loved one -- is because the person remembering is a loving person. That love can be directed to any (worthy) person.

This. What matters is having warm loving connections in your life. That doesn't have to be with cousins.

You might have looked at my family growing up and though we had what you are looking for, but it was all an act. We were forced to pretend to be the perfect nuclear and extended family and pose for photos to prove it. Underneath it was so much dysfunction. None of the cousins are close as adults and many are estranged from their abusive parents.

[Anonymous]

I grew up the way you described and was completely ok with it. We were like on our own self contained planet, more or less. It was actually nice.

My spouse’s family is from a much friendlier culture and our kids’ cousins are almost like extra siblings which is a nice contrast to my upbringing.

My point is that if you don’t mention it, the kids probably won’t notice it. About expanding your kids’ circle, I guess you just have to keep getting out there, maybe start walking or biking around your neighborhood? That seems a nice start. Or becoming regulars somewhere they like. Or start getting more involved in their school. That’s how we got our start. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 18 first cousins from both my mom and dad’s side and none of us are or were ever close, if it makes you feel any better.

Yep, in one section of my family there are ten cousins, including me and my brother. Aside from him, I only talk with one occasionally.