How would you handle cousin's jealousy?
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Anonymous
| My family is very fortunate in that we have the time, money, and resources to give our kids (7 and 9 girls) a healthy, stimulating, and fun lifestyle. We are involved in their schools, planned vacations, etc for examples. My niece from my sister's side live a state away and always visit us (we visit them too). She always stay with us during the summer because we enjoyed the kids relationship. We love her as our own daughter. She is 10 now and starting to see differences between her and our family, especially the time and resources we give our kids. Her parents love her (sometimes even love our kids even more)and will buy her anything she wants, and they are actually wealthy. But she resents them for not being like us with our life style. She compares grudgingly what she doesn't have with her cousins. Would you tell her to not think of suchthings, and people love in different ways. We do talk to the parents but they always say they are too busy with their work. Ignore it? Tell her life is not fair? Just want to see if you guys have had similar experiences |
Anonymous
| You sound awfully superior and smug, OP. You are also incredibly naïve to take the words of a 10-year-old at face value. I would completely ignore her when she talks like that. |
Anonymous
| OP here.I hope not to come off like that. We are both 1st gen Indian immigrant families and our rags to riches is in our psyche. Her parents work in restaurants, and we have white collar DC jobs. I am always trying to be different from my parents because we thought their parenting methods were harsh, un sympathetic, and we are just trying to raise our kids with a healthy mindset. I am just trying to learn. |
Anonymous
| Kids are always going to see the grass is greener on the other side. You can teach your niece to appreciate what she does have, including you as a family who welcomes her. As far as her parents and her relationship, if they are too bust as you said, then they are just going to have miss out on building a relationship with her if they don't want to change. |
Anonymous
| Just gently remind her that the grass only seems greener and there are many things about her parents that are irreplaceable including their love for her. The thing is though op you have to actually believe this, the worst thing you can do to this kid is turn her against her parents because you disapprove of their choices. She’d frankly be better off without you in that case. |
Anonymous
| Again, what you are alleging is envy, not jealousy. Why is this so hard for people. Words have meaning. |
Anonymous
| You sound horrid. Her parents love her but love your kids more? I doubt that is true op. |
Anonymous
| Hey OP, my parents worked hard their entire lives and hardly ever went to my games or events. I resented them when I was younger but started to see their love in nuances as I grew older. 10 year olds don't have the knowledge and emotions yet. Helped her to see them manifested in different ways. |
Anonymous
it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in everyway, isn't it, OP? |
Anonymous
| Different families do different things together. You sound obnoxious with your “healthy, fun and stimulating” life. Lots of ten year olds like to complain — let it go. |
Anonymous
| OP, I can't understand what the issue is. What are some examples? |
Anonymous
|
OP said her niece's parents "work in restaurants, and we have white collar DC jobs" as well as a "healthy, stimulating, and fun lifestyle" while her niece's parents "
Some of the difference may be purely that it's summer, which is a fun time of year. And it also sounds like niece may be an only child? So possibly hanging out with the cousins is fun, too. If she's complaining about not having time with her parents, it might make sense to blame the restaurant industry rather than her parents. Unless you think they're actively abusive parents, they're probably just trying to keep their jobs and put food on the table. If it were my niece, I'd tell her, "I know your mom and dad must be really busy, and that must be hard on you. But we really enjoy getting to spend time with you here!" |
Anonymous
| Remind her that all families are different and things are not the same in your communities and with your jobs. Just remind her that you love the family time with all of them and how happy you are that her parents let her visit so you can spend time with her. Find things to compliment about her parents (work ethic, initiative, etc) so she can hear how much you admire them and she'll feel proud |
Anonymous
|
You don't seem to have a lot of awareness that restaurant work is grueling even at the highest levels and kids often think the grass is greener.
No you don't tell her not have certain thoughts. I do do think you need to examine if you are getting your own needs met by hearing that you are better than your sibling as a parent, etc and beware of hubris. Let her know how hard restaurant work is and allow her to have feelings, but help her be empathetic-which you may not be able to do since you don't seem to be empathetic. OP, step back from yourself and re-write what you wrote. I think there is a lot of underlying dysfunction there. You definitely seem to be trying to say "Poor me, I am a better parent and was smarter and classier with job choice and my kids are better, but what do I do to help this poor child who notices it all." There is a good chance at some point your own children will notice this BS and be complaining about you to peers and adults. Beware of becoming too smug and focus on being a decent person with compassion and empathy. Let go of trying to convince us you won the competition with your sibling. |
Anonymous
| Sorry re-read not re-write |