Aggression / Late Stage Dementia

[Anonymous]

Loved one has late state dementia and mostly nonverbal. Yesterday I got a call from memory care that the loved one hit another resident (totally unprovoked) which is new. I feel so bad for the other resident...they were fine after it and because they have dementia they don't remember. Usually the loved one is aggressive but only during activities of daily living like dressing/bathing. Loved one is on Seroquel but it doesn't seem to help. Talked to the geripsych there about what next -- more meds to try I guess. Just feeling really powerless. While all the phases have been tough this is one of the harder ones.

[Anonymous]

That sounds horrible... No advice or ideas -just sending a virtual hug.

This is no reflection on you or who your loved one used to be before this awful disease took them.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry and hope they find a medicine that helps. This is a terrible disease and hard to handle.
Sending you hugs.

[Anonymous]

It's really hard OP. I am sorry. Yes, to more meds. I always cringe when people complain about nursing homes and memory cares medicating someone too much because I know the other side. A person who is violent in any way MUST be medicated enough to protect others from abuse. I saw it with own grandmother and now I can see my mom is headed in that direction because when she goes light with the meds she is highly verbal aggressive and abusive. I hope that all of us if we knew we could be abusive would grant our adult children permission to medicate us as much as needed in old age to make sure we NEVER physically harm anyone.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm so sorry you're going through this. It definitely isn't talked about enough, and it is heartbreaking. My mom passed away a couple of months ago, and she went through an incredibly aggressive, paranoid from November - January. Like your situation, it seemed to come out of nowhere, and it didn't happen every single day. When it happened, though, it got increasingly more violent - screaming, then throwing things, then clawing (she drew blood from me several times).

I know there isn't a magic formula, but here are the only things I found that helped.

- We ended up increasing her seroquel and adding a couple of other things (like haldol). After that, she stopped the violence entirely, she came back off the higher doses, and she was back to "normal" dementia until she died.

- I had two or three "safe people" that she trusted and still recognized. I would call them when she was in a fit and it seemed to calm her down. They would just lie ("the police are on their way to rescue you"), but it helped.

- I was told by hospice staff to repeat "you're safe" to her over and over and to start every new conversation with "you're safe."

[Anonymous]

My MIL w late stage dementia has gone through aggressive/violent phases too. She is also nonverbal. It is so hard. I’m very sorry for you and your loved one and my MIL and everyone who suffers from this terrible disease.

I don’t think a lot of people realize the horrible realities of dementia. So many think it’s just memory loss and confusion but it is so much more complex than that.