college kid living at home

[Anonymous]

DS is living with up while in college. His room is a total mess, which I try to ignore.But I made the rule about no food in his room, for the sanitary reasons. I constantly find piles of dirty plates, cups and food leftover. How would you enforce this? Charge him $10 every time I find a plate? But he doesn’t always have money in his account, since he makes part-time minimum wage. Kick him out to live on campus? Kick him out - period? He has ADHD and EF disorder.

Are they allowed to have food in the dorms? What would happened if he was like that in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: He has ADHD and EF disorder.

Are they allowed to have food in the dorms? What would happened if he was like that in college?

In college dorms food is not banned, but most eating is done out in dining halls.

Does your son work with an ADHD-specializing therapist or EF coach?

[Anonymous]

Of course you can eat in the dorms. What would happen is that if he has a roommate with different standards his roommate would be furious with him (just like you are).

[Anonymous]

How would you find piles unless you are going through his room. This is the part where you shut the door and respect his space. Cut the emotional tie. If you get ants or other pests he pays for the exterminator.

Don't kick him out over dirty plates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: He has ADHD and EF disorder.

Are they allowed to have food in the dorms? What would happened if he was like that in college?

In college dorms food is not banned, but most eating is done out in dining halls.

Does your son work with an ADHD-specializing therapist or EF coach?

Yes, he does twice a week, but it mainly covers his academics and staying on top of school work (which is also a big struggle). I don’t think they work on lifestyle skills. Perhaps I should talk to the coach, or re-evaluate.

[Anonymous]

Are you supporting him? What do you give him?
Phone service, rides, gas money, etc.

However, I think I Would try to the approach of telling him that he needs to bring down everything by x time (once a week? twice a week, e.g. by 5:00 on Sat and Wed?) and if he doesn't, he will do or help you with a household chore for a certain period of time. Work on cleaning the garage or mulching the flower beds the or something else no one likes to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can eat in the dorms. What would happen is that if he has a roommate with different standards his roommate would be furious with him (just like you are).

He’d probably care more about what his roommate thinks. Sigh..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you find piles unless you are going through his room. This is the part where you shut the door and respect his space. Cut the emotional tie. If you get ants or other pests he pays for the exterminator.

Don't kick him out over dirty plates.

I know because I run out of plates and cups in the kitchen. They all gradually migrate to his room. So I HAVE to go in and get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you supporting him? What do you give him?
Phone service, rides, gas money, etc.

However, I think I Would try to the approach of telling him that he needs to bring down everything by x time (once a week? twice a week, e.g. by 5:00 on Sat and Wed?) and if he doesn't, he will do or help you with a household chore for a certain period of time. Work on cleaning the garage or mulching the flower beds the or something else no one likes to do.

Yes, we are supporting him while he is in college. Good, gas, etc.

Making him do chores is a good idea. I will try that - thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you find piles unless you are going through his room. This is the part where you shut the door and respect his space. Cut the emotional tie. If you get ants or other pests he pays for the exterminator.

Don't kick him out over dirty plates.

I know because I run out of plates and cups in the kitchen. They all gradually migrate to his room. So I HAVE to go in and get them.

No you don't. When that happens you call him down and tell him its time for him to clean and wash dishes. Do not go in there to get them out or wash them for him.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want to return and wash the dishes, he needs to buy his own paper plates and cutlery. He can get it from the dollar store. Your items are off limits if he can't use them properly.

Agree that you shouldn't be retrieving or washing anything.

[Anonymous]

tell him to bring out dirty dishes and let him know that you find it unacceptable. but after that, be patient. kids need time to mature. obviously he is not there yet and that's okay

[Anonymous]

Twice a week all dirty dishes need to come out. If you know you have 10 plates, 12 glasses, and 16 each of silverware it should be easy to knpw.

[Anonymous]

Twice a week? ^^ How about every single day?

[Anonymous]

Put a visual reminder in his room to bring down plates at the end of every day. Remind him verbally as well. Give rewards for it like he is a little child.
Rewards work better with an ADHD brain than punishment.