Friend or family question

[Anonymous]

Maybe not a family question per say but in general when getting together with family or friends how much should the visit be about reminiscing and bringing up things from the past? I’m talking about, we are ordering take out today to eat and the person visiting brings up going to a certain restaurant we went to growing up. This is time and time again, over and over. We are talking about pets and the person visiting keeps bringing up pets from our childhood. I don’t know if I’m explaining it right? It’s like I’ve already processed a lot of the childhood memories with my spouse and am living in the present/future. I don’t really bring them up in real time today unless I need to or want to. It’s like talking to someone with a foot firmly in the “olden days” as far as recollection.

[Anonymous]

Minimally.

[Anonymous]

I find this happens more with some family members than with others.
Some people (age doesn’t matter) live in the past, and/or are self-centered and don’t really have conversations (just talk). My in-laws are like this.
Meanwhile, my aunt / uncle are of the same age (70’s) and are curious people, like to learn about new things, are relatable, etc.

I am a curious conversationalist, so the hours long walk down memory lane bores me. When with my in-laws, I just remove myself from the conversations. It’s boring, but if I am guest, what else can I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Minimally.

I mean I get it don’t get me wrong. Who doesn’t like a walk down memory lane and especially if you want to laugh about it today but I find it so strange to be in the present day ordering take out from a restaurant and the family member bringing up “remember when we used to go to that buffet” when we were 7 years old? Well, yes I do but WHAT? This pattern kept going on and on. I’m wondering if it was me or him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this happens more with some family members than with others.
Some people (age doesn’t matter) live in the past, and/or are self-centered and don’t really have conversations (just talk). My in-laws are like this.
Meanwhile, my aunt / uncle are of the same age (70’s) and are curious people, like to learn about new things, are relatable, etc.

I am a curious conversationalist, so the hours long walk down memory lane bores me. When with my in-laws, I just remove myself from the conversations. It’s boring, but if I am guest, what else can I do?

Hmmm okay so it is a known thing, I am just so surprised. It’s 2023 and they are talking to me like it’s still 1980. It’s so strange, again I like a memory stroll just like anyone else but this was constant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this happens more with some family members than with others.
Some people (age doesn’t matter) live in the past, and/or are self-centered and don’t really have conversations (just talk). My in-laws are like this.
Meanwhile, my aunt / uncle are of the same age (70’s) and are curious people, like to learn about new things, are relatable, etc.

I am a curious conversationalist, so the hours long walk down memory lane bores me. When with my in-laws, I just remove myself from the conversations. It’s boring, but if I am guest, what else can I do?

Hmmm okay so it is a known thing, I am just so surprised. It’s 2023 and they are talking to me like it’s still 1980. It’s so strange, again I like a memory stroll just like anyone else but this was constant.

My parents and in-laws both do this. The reason is they have far fewer memories of us now since we see them less frequently. So they remember the same stories over and over again and I'd much rather talk about current events, or a new book or show we've read or watched. My parents can switch gears more easily, but my in-laws are boring AF and only want to talk about ancient history or old neighbors so I eat dinner as quickly as possible and start doing dishes so spare myself the boredom. They never talk about something I can participate in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Minimally.

I mean I get it don’t get me wrong. Who doesn’t like a walk down memory lane and especially if you want to laugh about it today but I find it so strange to be in the present day ordering take out from a restaurant and the family member bringing up “remember when we used to go to that buffet” when we were 7 years old? Well, yes I do but WHAT? This pattern kept going on and on. I’m wondering if it was me or him?

OP, is this you with the brother who is visiting and talking non-stop?

[Anonymous]

“Should be”?!

[Anonymous]

Reunion with school friends - we talk about the past a lot, except I can’t remember much if it because of my ADHD. There is also lots of talk about what everyone is doing now though.

My in laws bring up the same memories over and over and it’s boring, but I nod along.
I also have some friends who used to travel a lot but no longer do, and I am really sick of hearing about their ski trips in the Swiss alps 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this happens more with some family members than with others.
Some people (age doesn’t matter) live in the past, and/or are self-centered and don’t really have conversations (just talk). My in-laws are like this.
Meanwhile, my aunt / uncle are of the same age (70’s) and are curious people, like to learn about new things, are relatable, etc.

I am a curious conversationalist, so the hours long walk down memory lane bores me. When with my in-laws, I just remove myself from the conversations. It’s boring, but if I am guest, what else can I do?

Hmmm okay so it is a known thing, I am just so surprised. It’s 2023 and they are talking to me like it’s still 1980. It’s so strange, again I like a memory stroll just like anyone else but this was constant.

My parents and in-laws both do this. The reason is they have far fewer memories of us now since we see them less frequently. So they remember the same stories over and over again and I'd much rather talk about current events, or a new book or show we've read or watched. My parents can switch gears more easily, but my in-laws are boring AF and only want to talk about ancient history or old neighbors so I eat dinner as quickly as possible and start doing dishes so spare myself the boredom. They never talk about something I can participate in.

That is a great idea, get up and start doing dishes.

[Anonymous]

Are these positive memories? It’s odd to think of “processing” a positive or neutral memory with your spouse who wasn’t there.

Other than that I think this is just like anyone else who likes a topic of conversation you don’t like. My husband’s family can discuss baseball forever. It’s soooo boring but it’s not unusual or immoral or worthy of judgment. It’s just what they like.