Kid with ADHD and job with long hours

[Anonymous]

Tips for managing.

3 year old child has severe ADHD - took him at dev ped and while he’s not at diagnostic age it’s very obvious. Unfortunately behavior problems.

He’s doing OT, ST, we did parent training. I apply all I learn and am super patient with him (objectively, I put all my energy into that). Husband is so so.

My job requires me to work long hours - and I cannot downsize because I am the breadwinner so he spends more time with my husband than I. However my husband implémenta a few things but not all and also gets frustrated with kid. Discussions with him have not done much.

How do others in this situations manage that?

Get babysitters to help?

[Anonymous]

Just want to note I’m in the same boat and could have written your post (but elementary kid).

Unfortunately I have no answers, but would love to hear if others do. I am leaning towards taking a diff job to be able to be home more. My career ambition and a kid with special needs is not a good pairing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I wish I had better news to report, but my husband and I would say we both kind of parent tracked ourselves for a little right now because my 5 year old with adhd needed shorter days in care so we both pulled back in different ways to make it happen. I realize this is not possible with all careers but it made a big difference for my child. Medication too but you’re not quite there yet. I’m sending so many good vibes and energy, I totally feel you.

[Anonymous]

You need to prioritize your job or time with your kid. How much does DH make? How much could you make if you took something with less hours?
I’m not trying to be a jerk, I’m a working parent, but if you think you are the best person for dealing with him then you need to cut back your hours.
Also he needs plenty of exercise, consistent sleep schedule, watch the food dues/sugars in his food

[Anonymous]

That’s a tough situation. We had a similar kid - we got a adhd diagnosis at age 3 through kki because behavior and symptoms were so clear cut. We had to start medicating by age four because he was handsy and aggressive to other kids in preschool despite the best of supports all round. He still needs to be medicated at age 11, because without it he’d be climbing all over other kids and pissing then off (he still does a bit of that on meds).

Like other PPs mentioned, ds was not a kid who could do preschool from 8-6 everyday with year round summer coverage. He needs downtime. He still does at at 11. We have always strived to not do aftercare. And summers I try to do morning only camps. Even starting 6th grade, he’s not a big fan of after school activities.

Dh and I both have big jobs (I’m a partner in big law and he’s senior mgmt in a financial services company). Lucky for us that both of us were very on board with supporting DS - no denialism. And both of us are very family focused. So I worked part time until he started 1st grade, dh changed jobs to be in a role with less travel, and both of us negotiated pre Covid to work primarily from home. So I take him to the bus every day at 8:30 and pick up at 4:30, have a chit chat every day, stay on top of homework, get to supervise behaviors, dinner together etc but still work a full day.

Five years ago this was a pipe dream for most people but since Covid is more manageable. Depends on your profession. Your bigger catch is that your dh is not on board. Not sure how one navigates that piece.

[Anonymous]

I would hire really good sitters. It’s not easy to find the right people but we got lucky with two sitters (at different periods of time$ who were great with our son with SN. Plus it’s very good for the kid to have new and different trusted relationships. It was also good for our marriage because it took pressure off the two of us.

[Anonymous]

A home based ABA program with you present and involved. Don’t wait on this, early years are most important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A home based ABA program with you present and involved. Don’t wait on this, early years are most important.

*Your husband can be the present parent, but someone needs to be available, parent training will be an incredibly important aspect.