DH won't do anything I ask for without checking first

[oldtownmom85]

DH won't do anything I ask for without checking first. If I suggest a restaurant I see while out, he will say "who has been there? Let's ask so and so who it is."

Not sure why he can't just say "sure let's go check it out."

If I suggest a vacation spot, same thing. He will want to ask someone else. And even then, because I suggested it, we usually don't go.

He has asked for my birthday and Christmas lists. I give it and when he goes shopping invariably, he will "run into someone" who says "oh no give her this instead."

Even my engagement ring same thing. I said what I wanted and when he went to buy it, someone else told him what to get me.

Am I the only one whose husband is like this?

[Anonymous]

OK so you’ve known since very early on but he prefers doing things by committee; not gonna change any time soon. Does he work in government?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked him why he doesnt trust your opinion on things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK so you’ve known since very early on but he prefers doing things by committee; not gonna change any time soon. Does he work in government?

But it seems like OP is not on the committee, even if the thing is for her. Very Annoying.

[Anonymous]

Why did you start two threads about the same thing?

Why are you surprised or dissatisfied now? He was who he was when you dated. You’re the moron who said yes to a bad ring and a sh*tty engagement.

[Anonymous]

Why did you make 2 threads?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/0/1135863.page#25100705

[Anonymous]

This is 100% your fault.

[Anonymous]

My ex was like this. Note the term ex.

[Anonymous]

I mean, my husband is a little like this. He wanted to get my mom, his mom, my aunt and his aunt together with both of us to plan our wedding and I was like “NOPE. You are going to get four different opinions and hurt four peoples feelings when we do something else.” We planned our own wedding (note, we were in our 30s and paid for most of it ourselves).

He also likes to solicit opinions on dishwashers, etc. He gets analysis paralysis. We joke about it mostly. I call him “Mr. Consumer Reports”. And I remind him as we walk into Home Depot, “me liking the dishwasher is more important than what Joe the sales guy thinks.” He generally just laughs.

When he gets paralyzed, I just tell him I am deciding — assuming it is actually something I care about. If not, he can think on it for a long time. Like it took him two years to decide on piano lessons for our kid. I didn’t care.

[Anonymous]

“Just trust me, babe—I’m going and you can come if you want.”

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he doesn’t respect your opinion and values others more highly than you.

Have you spoken to him about this and how it makes you feel? Do you flip flop a lot and he’s not sure if you really want something?

And no, DH isn’t like this at all. When I say what I want he follows it to the letter. I can’t imagine him not listening to me about the e-ring. However, I’m also very certain about things I like and do not like. I rarely change my mind and we communicate a lot.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he doesn't respect your opinion. I think he is scared of making a wrong decision.

[Anonymous]

“Hey Bob, why is it that when I suggest something, you have to have it confirmed by someone else. For example…example about restaurant. Or then there’s example B…about getting a gift you wanted. It pretty much happens every time, and I’ve gotta be straight with you: It makes me feel like you don’t trust or value my opinion on anything. That might not be your intention. But it’s how I feel. What’s up with you not just taking my suggestion/opinion without having to check with someone else?”

Then just sit there silently and listen to his response. Then when he’s done, tell him to stop. Instead he can say, “Than sounds like a great idea. Let’s go.” Finish by suggesting somewhere to go out to dinner. Be really positive and thank him when he says “That sounds like a great idea.”