Help me understand this response to boundaries

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman in my early 50s.

I'm so perplexed by the behavior of people, and why and how some people cannot respect simple boundaries. We can go from my simple "No, thank you" to their defcon 5 level "You can't stand the ground I walk on. You hate me."

How does this happen? Why does this happen?

When I was a child, I lost my hearing. I was sick a lot, until 2nd grade and I had an operation. I started writing in a journal. I've always written my inner most feelings out in a journal.

I'm wondering now after decades, if I haven't quite learned to set boundaries in a firm way, where people will accept my "no" the first time I say it. Or, are people just really okay with trampling over boundaries?

These interactions affect my relationships with men, because I question my own judgement. I get exhausted interacting with people that I'm too exhausted to put myself out there to date, when it's been more than a year since my last relationship. And I know it's time.

[Anonymous]

So can you give some examples of boundaries you’ve set and how they were challenged? How did you communicate the boundary? And what’s the conversation when the boundary is pushed?

[Anonymous]

You mean DEFCON 1.
DEFCON 5 is the lowest level of alert, defined as "peacetime normal".
Sorry, but living in the DC area, it's best to know these things.

If you're having similar communication problems with multiple people in unrelated situations, then you might need to assess how you read the room and whether you play a role in this escalation.

[Anonymous]

I feel like we're missing some important details. How does your journal-writing fit into other people's reactions to your boundaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mean DEFCON 1.
DEFCON 5 is the lowest level of alert, defined as "peacetime normal".
Sorry, but living in the DC area, it's best to know these things.

If you're having similar communication problems with multiple people in unrelated situations, then you might need to assess how you read the room and whether you play a role in this escalation.

Some people are dicks like this poster. You don't need deep analysis just know that they are and move away from them.

[Anonymous]

With toxic people, no matter how you set the boundary, they will ignore it.

Also, guys in their 50s tend to be set in their ways / used to getting their way.

[Anonymous]

Who is reacting to you this way? A family member or spouse? If so, you should know by now that they have always have had issues. Can you avoid these people?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. I know it’s hard. But these people are doing you a favor: they are saving you time. They are proving themselves to be untrustworthy, unreliable, unworthy of you.

[Anonymous]

OP here, the journal writing, the earlier hearing loss, led me to be in my own little world, where I could shut people out. I didn't really have to deal with conflict. I avoid conflict.