“Why don’t you just…?”

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who gets ticked off by the “Why don’t you just…?” comments by family members about dealing with my Alzheimer LO?

[Anonymous]

Just ignore them OP. If someone who has never dealt with someone who has dementia has an opinion, that opinion means absolutely nothing. I have a friend like that and she’s exhausting. She thinks she knows. She doesn’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who gets ticked off by the “Why don’t you just…?” comments by family members about dealing with my Alzheimer LO?

I'm assuming you have never given unsolicited advice?

[Anonymous]

OP, it's ok for you to get ticked-off. I guess, very rarely, they may have a kernel of helpful advice -- but, I think generally, it means that the other person can't listen to anymore. They have reached their capacity.

[Anonymous]

You're on a tough road with your loved one. I wish others could be more helpful. Can you find some pat responses, "Hm, I'll have to think about that." "Um, maybe." "I've got everything set in place, thanks." Then move forward with what works for you.

[Anonymous]

“Why don’t you just…” is basically always annoying. The judgment and dismissiveness is baked right in.

Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

After they make their suggestion simply say, "Was that just advice or are you offering to do that for me?"

See what happens.

[Anonymous]

+100. My favorite is "why don't you just move them to...(some place)." Because they are adults and have legal rights - they are not furniture!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I've gotten to the point I can no longer ignore it. Everyone is an expert, but no one offers to help or provide useful guidance. It's always easy to tell people what to do, but I have yet to see one person who started the conversation that way - who has actual firsthand, personal experience to share. I've gotten pretty snarky in my responses, and I have stopped being reasonable. I know its stress and anxiety but I also think as a general PSA - listen to what people say, but don't feel like you are an expert to direct how I'm handling things unless you are, in fact, an expert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who gets ticked off by the “Why don’t you just…?” comments by family members about dealing with my Alzheimer LO?

The response to that is always . . . . "are you offering to do X, Y, and Z?" or "that would be great if you're offering."