Grad's GF - Fam Pics

[Anonymous]

My niece's BF graduated grad school today. She graduated an year early as he took a gap year. BF's family was very nice but didn't include her in any family pics.

It was odd and rude as they are very committed to each other, rent a condo together, moving to same town for jobs and planning a future together. She clearly felt awkward, BF being a men was clueless.

Obviously people avoid adding anyone to family pics until married but one can always take some extra ones. Its surprisingly how thoughtless people can be and then they question why DIL keeps her distance.

[Anonymous]

"Family" means different things to different people. My in-laws don't include extras in the family photo until they are married. I spent Christmas with his family while we were engaged - just a few months shy of our wedding - and I'm not in that family photo. I am in the one from the following year. My in-laws are wonderful people, we get along great, they are warm and loving and welcoming. But their tradition is that the "family photo" is ... just family. It's a clear line, nobody has to wonder who "counts" or worry that one kid's SO is being treated differently from another's.

In other words, the photo thing is only a big deal if you are reading more into it than just the photo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Family" means different things to different people. My in-laws don't include extras in the family photo until they are married. I spent Christmas with his family while we were engaged - just a few months shy of our wedding - and I'm not in that family photo. I am in the one from the following year. My in-laws are wonderful people, we get along great, they are warm and loving and welcoming. But their tradition is that the "family photo" is ... just family. It's a clear line, nobody has to wonder who "counts" or worry that one kid's SO is being treated differently from another's.

In other words, the photo thing is only a big deal if you are reading more into it than just the photo.

That is beyond bizarre that your ILs didn't allow their son's fiancee in the family photo.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of my now-SIL’s wedding when I wasn’t invited into any family photos despite DH and I bring together 4 years. Anyway, I still have a great relationship with my in-laws.

Niece should make sure BF knows how she feels so he can be more aware of these things but otherwise let it go. Is his family generally welcoming to her?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PP who said for their family it's probably a bright line. Married equals part of the family. Unmarried does not. Hopefully they are kind and not rude to her generally but technically she isn't family.

This was always my extended family as well, so perhaps I'm used to it. Long-time relationships didn't make it into family photos. In-laws did.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha when one of our daughters got married our younger daughter had a serious boyfriend. We took some photos with him and some without him that we joked were for “insurance” and he laughed along. They ended up getting married and we threw out the ones without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha when one of our daughters got married our younger daughter had a serious boyfriend. We took some photos with him and some without him that we joked were for “insurance” and he laughed along. They ended up getting married and we threw out the ones without him.

+1.
This is the way civilized people handle it. In this day of digital photography, a few extra prints means being kind to an outsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece's BF graduated grad school today. She graduated an year early as he took a gap year. BF's family was very nice but didn't include her in any family pics.

It was odd and rude as they are very committed to each other, rent a condo together, moving to same town for jobs and planning a future together. She clearly felt awkward, BF being a men was clueless.

Obviously people avoid adding anyone to family pics until married but one can always take some extra ones. Its surprisingly how thoughtless people can be and then they question why DIL keeps her distance.

I just realized by family pictures, you probably mean a family member holding a camera. That is weird to not notice this extra person standing there. Maybe the family is unsure if a school GF will go the distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece's BF graduated grad school today. She graduated an year early as he took a gap year. BF's family was very nice but didn't include her in any family pics.

It was odd and rude as they are very committed to each other, rent a condo together, moving to same town for jobs and planning a future together. She clearly felt awkward, BF being a men was clueless.

Obviously people avoid adding anyone to family pics until married but one can always take some extra ones. Its surprisingly how thoughtless people can be and then they question why DIL keeps her distance.

They probably won’t last, while the images will. Prudent on the part of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece's BF graduated grad school today. She graduated an year early as he took a gap year. BF's family was very nice but didn't include her in any family pics.

It was odd and rude as they are very committed to each other, rent a condo together, moving to same town for jobs and planning a future together. She clearly felt awkward, BF being a men was clueless.

Obviously people avoid adding anyone to family pics until married but one can always take some extra ones. Its surprisingly how thoughtless people can be and then they question why DIL keeps her distance.

They probably won’t last, while the images will. Prudent on the part of the family.

Would it really have hurt to take a couple with BF in them?

[Anonymous]

I mean, who cares? They are pictures. I don’t even know where any law school pics are (and yeah, my law school boyfriend and I got married).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece's BF graduated grad school today. She graduated an year early as he took a gap year. BF's family was very nice but didn't include her in any family pics.

It was odd and rude as they are very committed to each other, rent a condo together, moving to same town for jobs and planning a future together. She clearly felt awkward, BF being a men was clueless.

Obviously people avoid adding anyone to family pics until married but one can always take some extra ones. Its surprisingly how thoughtless people can be and then they question why DIL keeps her distance.

They probably won’t last, while the images will. Prudent on the part of the family.

OR they may last and this sour feeling would taint the IL relationship. These are digital pictures, some with her to feel inclusive would've been a kind and classy gesture.

[Anonymous]

Whenever group pictures are being taken, leaving someone standing on the side feels rude, no matter how you slice it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece's BF graduated grad school today. She graduated an year early as he took a gap year. BF's family was very nice but didn't include her in any family pics.

It was odd and rude as they are very committed to each other, rent a condo together, moving to same town for jobs and planning a future together. She clearly felt awkward, BF being a men was clueless.

Obviously people avoid adding anyone to family pics until married but one can always take some extra ones. Its surprisingly how thoughtless people can be and then they question why DIL keeps her distance.

They probably won’t last, while the images will. Prudent on the part of the family.

Pictures are to capture present, not predict future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Family" means different things to different people. My in-laws don't include extras in the family photo until they are married. I spent Christmas with his family while we were engaged - just a few months shy of our wedding - and I'm not in that family photo. I am in the one from the following year. My in-laws are wonderful people, we get along great, they are warm and loving and welcoming. But their tradition is that the "family photo" is ... just family. It's a clear line, nobody has to wonder who "counts" or worry that one kid's SO is being treated differently from another's.

In other words, the photo thing is only a big deal if you are reading more into it than just the photo.

That is beyond bizarre that your ILs didn't allow their son's fiancee in the family photo.

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