Volatile daughter

[Anonymous]

I am at my wits end with what to do about my 10 year old. She hates school but won’t tell me why. She says she hates learning - that is the most detail I can get. I talked to the teacher and she says she is doing fine and her grades are sufficient (not excelling but fine.) I went with her on a Field trip and observed that she seemed to be getting along with other kids fine. She hates getting out of bed. Hates going to school in the morning. She hates showering. She hates brushing her hair. And by hate, I mean she throws terrible tantrums (not appropriate for a ten year old) and goes to school dirty looking unkempt and late.

At home, she is just angry so often. She bosses around her sister, steals from her, and occasionally lies. She throws tantrums about food choices.

She eats well, sleeps plenty, she could exercise more but we do what we can with our schedules. She is on epilepsy meds (for rare seizures) but otherwise healthy.

I’ve tried to to handle this in different ways but I think it is beyond me and i wish I knew how to make her less angry and frustrated all the time. Should I ask for a guidance counselor evaluation? A psychiatrist? Any tips appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

[Anonymous]

Pediatrician to rule out hearing, vision, med side effects, seizure issues would be first step. Parent training at home would be your second step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

You are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

I actually did talk to the school counselor and they said they were more or less too busy to help. I asked for referrals or some kind of recommendation for a local pediatric psychiatrist and they said they don’t keep a list like that. I also reached out to Maine health insurance to see if there are providers and in fact, there really aren’t any not many at all pediatric counselors the county I live in not in the DMV has a shortage of mental health counselors in general not just for kids, I tried a remote mental health counselor for someone in New Jersey. A few states away and that did not work out because it was not good to do it over the phone or zoom. It just didn’t work.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I’d start with pediatrician. You may want to send her a message before your appt and be very detailed about your concern and specifically ask for a specialist evaluation (probably psych). Sometimes this can be uncomfortable to be as candid and direct as you need to be about your daughter directly in front of your child. A pre appt message can get the dialogue going and prep the dr for your appt.

[Anonymous]

Is this new?

Sounds like she hates transitions. I get it. I hate getting out of bed too. And showering. And the process of the morning rush. But I'm am adult and can handle it and can keep my emotions in check.
Sounds like your kid needs an outlet, some autonomy , maybe a bit of assistance from you to help her (have her lunch in her backpack and shoes ready, etc).

Could there ve a subtle learning disability- dyslexia maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

I actually did talk to the school counselor and they said they were more or less too busy to help. I asked for referrals or some kind of recommendation for a local pediatric psychiatrist and they said they don’t keep a list like that. I also reached out to Maine health insurance to see if there are providers and in fact, there really aren’t any not many at all pediatric counselors the county I live in not in the DMV has a shortage of mental health counselors in general not just for kids, I tried a remote mental health counselor for someone in New Jersey. A few states away and that did not work out because it was not good to do it over the phone or zoom. It just didn’t work.

j

A developmental pediatrician could help. Some of the things you’re describing could be related to the seizures. Could also be other developmental issues. Could just need parent training to learn more effective ways of handling these situations. The seizures add an aspect to your situation where I’d start with pediatrician, neurologist, or developmental pediatrician to consider those effects first. The developmental pediatrician can look at other possible underlying issues too but regardless of the outcomes I’d consider parent training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

I actually did talk to the school counselor and they said they were more or less too busy to help. I asked for referrals or some kind of recommendation for a local pediatric psychiatrist and they said they don’t keep a list like that. I also reached out to Maine health insurance to see if there are providers and in fact, there really aren’t any not many at all pediatric counselors the county I live in not in the DMV has a shortage of mental health counselors in general not just for kids, I tried a remote mental health counselor for someone in New Jersey. A few states away and that did not work out because it was not good to do it over the phone or zoom. It just didn’t work.

j

A developmental pediatrician could help. Some of the things you’re describing could be related to the seizures. Could also be other developmental issues. Could just need parent training to learn more effective ways of handling these situations. The seizures add an aspect to your situation where I’d start with pediatrician, neurologist, or developmental pediatrician to consider those effects first. The developmental pediatrician can look at other possible underlying issues too but regardless of the outcomes I’d consider parent training.

If her daughter has one of the common types of benign childhood seizure disorders that is typically outgrown by adulthood, her behavior is likely unrelated.

[Anonymous]

You could try this book or another book in this series. I helped my daughter a lot at that age.

https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=1YOLZ7R41Z9M1&keywords=what+to+do+when+you+worry+too+much&qid=1684154455&s=books&sprefix=what+to+%2Caps%2C189&sr=1-5

My daughter was ultimately diagnosed with depression and anxiety by a psychiatrist. The book series I linked teaches cognitive behavioral therapy techniques which is used frequently in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like school anxiety because if a LD.

[Anonymous]

Puberty. Also consider med side effects.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your pediatrician. It sounds like one of (or a combo of) adhd, anxiety, depression.... Not life ruinous, so don't sweat it - but does require a parent to make sure she gets the supports she needs. Pediatrician is the best place to start, but also start calling around for psychiatrists or development pediatricians. You want someone who is able to diagnosis and prescribe medication (if need be). Therapists, psychologists and counselors will push parent therapy and kid therapy but that may or may not be enough to help your DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I missed the part where you have talked to the pediatrician, the school counselor, and the therapist that they recommend. That is obviously where you need to start, and I can’t believe it’s gotten so bad without taking those basic steps. She needs your help. Help her. Get her help.

I actually did talk to the school counselor and they said they were more or less too busy to help. I asked for referrals or some kind of recommendation for a local pediatric psychiatrist and they said they don’t keep a list like that. I also reached out to Maine health insurance to see if there are providers and in fact, there really aren’t any not many at all pediatric counselors the county I live in not in the DMV has a shortage of mental health counselors in general not just for kids, I tried a remote mental health counselor for someone in New Jersey. A few states away and that did not work out because it was not good to do it over the phone or zoom. It just didn’t work.

Maine?

[Anonymous]

Get a therapist for her. Ask local parents for recommendations. Pediatrician too, but they're going to recommend a therapist.