Stupid question - but would you say something about $5

[Anonymous]

OK - this is really stupid but you all are helping me with a budget and I am now paying attention to where my money is going.

My kid is in a group that does dinner once a month. We take turns and each month someone else is in charge of dinner, and you pay that person $5. When it was my turn - two people didn't pay me the $5 and I never said anything at the time. Last month - one of those people was in charge of dinner and I actually did say - you were out of town & didn't pay me last month, but I didn't mention it at the time because I knew we would even up this month. And it went over fine.

Now the other person who didn't pay me is in charge of dinner. IDK whether I should just pay $5 and not mention it or if I should just said - by the way, two months ago you didn't pay me so we are settling up now. Maybe it's too late and that ship has sailed.

LOL sorry! What do rich people do - I feel like they keep track and settle up - at least when I travel with them. LOL.

It's not a huge deal either way - I do actually have $5 to spare

[Anonymous]

Yes, mention it. It doesn't matter if the other person thinks you're a bit uptight with money. What matters is that you claw your way out of needing to care about $5. Mention it as gracefully as you can, and next time, try to speak up in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, mention it. It doesn't matter if the other person thinks you're a bit uptight with money. What matters is that you claw your way out of needing to care about $5. Mention it as gracefully as you can, and next time, try to speak up in the moment.

Thanks! I will consider To be clear, I don't "need" to care about $5 though fwiw.

[Anonymous]

I think you should just not pay it, and if they say something remind them that it even since they didn’t pay you.

I don’t know why you would pre-emptively my say something.

How many people are coming together in these groups? If it’s like 10 people I think paying $5 is odd - just do potluck. If it’s 20 people that makes more sense - it’s a lot to cook for and coordinating a potluck is harder.

[Anonymous]

I think your comment about “what would rich people do” is odd — I consider us to be very well off, and when we travel with another family or go out, we aren’t nickel and diming each other.

For example, another couple invited us out for dinner and to see a show (they picked both). They bought the show tickets and then we paid the check at dinner ($500). I have no idea what the show cost, and I didn’t bother to look it up - we wouldn’t have accepted the invitation if we didn’t think we could reciprocate.

We are careful with money, generally, but it’s weird to be keeping close track with friends.

[Anonymous]

The appropriate time to say something is at the time. It's really not a big deal, you can be super casual. "Oh, Larla, can you Venmo me the $5 for dinner? Thanks!"

I think you're fine to say, "Oh, actually, I was just looking at my notes from when we hosted, and you forgot to send us the $5. So can we just call it even for this month? Sorry for the delay in saying something, it slipped my mind."

[Anonymous]

It's 7 kids total. When it's my turn, I ask my kid what they want and I got chick fil a kids meals for everyone. Sometimes the person who is in charge makes the dinner but that's not my style. You still chip in $5 even if they cook it. LOL. I don't really mind that we do it this way if everyone pays me when it's my turn HAHA. And the additional backstory is the time the two people didn't pay me - I already had already agreed to do a second time because someone didn't even take a first turn. I was going to make someone else ask that person to take their first turn but then their spouse was out of town that week and their 3 kids are younger than my 3 kids so I just said F-it, we don't have to bother her, I can do it a second time. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your comment about “what would rich people do” is odd — I consider us to be very well off, and when we travel with another family or go out, we aren’t nickel and diming each other.

For example, another couple invited us out for dinner and to see a show (they picked both). They bought the show tickets and then we paid the check at dinner ($500). I have no idea what the show cost, and I didn’t bother to look it up - we wouldn’t have accepted the invitation if we didn’t think we could reciprocate.

We are careful with money, generally, but it’s weird to be keeping close track with friends.

LOL - I mean it was a joke. But it's not the same as your story exactly because this was an agreed thing where we all agreed to pay $5 in advance.

[Anonymous]

The whole thing is weird. If you're all rotating turns hosting once/month, why collect money at all? Just stay in the general realm of $5/kid when planning and in the end if all evens out. You'd each be paying around $35 every seven times which is the same as shelling at five bucks each time. I'd just be irritated with the constant begging people for the money the owed. Sure they "forgot" this time but it'll become a regular thing and then you'll just get annoyed that you're being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

I can't even fathom charging kids for a rotating dinner thing that everyone participates in regularly. Just host and keep within a budget if things are tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't even fathom charging kids for a rotating dinner thing that everyone participates in regularly. Just host and keep within a budget if things are tight.

I think will suggest that for next year. I actually do that in another group where we are not exchanging money every time but we are all in charge of our own turns and it evens out that way.

And, if someone has to take a second turn, then and only then will we pay $5. Probably easier for everyone.

Ok final answer - I’m just going to pay it today and next time I’ll say something sooner. Thank you for helping me think thru things and figuring out an easier way to do it next year.

[Anonymous]

I wasn’t in charge of making the rules LOL fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The appropriate time to say something is at the time. It's really not a big deal, you can be super casual. "Oh, Larla, can you Venmo me the $5 for dinner? Thanks!"

I think you're fine to say, "Oh, actually, I was just looking at my notes from when we hosted, and you forgot to send us the $5. So can we just call it even for this month? Sorry for the delay in saying something, it slipped my mind."

Something along these lines but especially the italicized part.

[Anonymous]

I would pay the parents the agreed upon $5. But next time you're hosting, send them all Venmo requests ahead of time and if you aren't paid by the time they show up ask for cash at the event. Don't let them get away with not paying you in the moment rather than turning it into some kind of long-term tit for tat spreadsheet.

[Anonymous]

Send out an email to all suggesting that the $5 exchange seems unnecessary and hard to remember since you are all hosting so it ends up being an even exchange.