younger brother
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Anonymous
| I need some mental help here. I have a younger brother who is 5 years younger and I'm approaching 43. My side of the family has not been good about keeping in touch but this brother of mine clearly craves it and needs a family connection. I have kids and he keeps reaching out, it's now escalated where he's writing my DH on FB asking if I'm safe and okay. How do I keep in touch but have him be not so needy towards me. He is 37 and never married, at this point I don't think he's going to so you know where his mental focus is on. |
Anonymous
| How are you responding? How often do you reach out compared to him? |
Anonymous
| It's normal to want a family connection. Is there a reason you aren't willing to be in touch with him? |
Anonymous
| You haven’t really indicated how “needy” he is besides wanting a relationship with a sibling. It makes you come across as a weird snob who thinks she’s better than the rest of her family. |
Anonymous
| How often are you seeing him or inviting him to do things? |
Anonymous
| It's not too hard just to shoot him an email once a week and just give a blank recap of something you did. "Larla and I made an apple pie on Wednesday. It was delicious." Even better if you attach a photo. That might be all he needs. |
Anonymous
|
You sound really cold-hearted. I have a brother that is 8 years younger than me. We were never close, I think because of our age difference. But after our parents both passed away, we made it a point to keep in touch. If he texts, I responded, If he calls I call back. And vice versa. It's a quick 5 minutes or so phone conversation a month, or a few text messages back and forth every week or two.
I don't get why you wouldn't want to regularly keep in touch with your family. |
Anonymous
| Shit, made contact and received back a freaking essay updating me on every person in our family tree including job status/hobbies/relationship status of each person/etc… and of course the obligatory “I haven’t heard from you in awhile so…” Some of you would love this from your sibling but I just need to know your doing okay and for you to live your life. It’s overwhelming to know everything about everyone. |
Anonymous
You are the weird one. I am glad that he is in touch with other people in the family. He is not needy, he is a caring soul. You are a very damaged person. |
Anonymous
|
My sister is kind of like this. Tries to keep people connected even though they have kids/full time jobs/busy lives/a lot going on/don't need to be in contact that much and don't want their personal business/current events out there.
She is jobless/childless/doesn't have a lot going on so this is her jam- maybe it is the same for him. |
Anonymous
+1 That is what family do. |
Anonymous
|
How do you communicate with him? I'd stop emailing novels or having super long phone calls and switch to daily text messages.
"Hey brother, have a great day" a few times a week. He can update you if he wants, you check it when you want. Send a picture of your kids after work, or your garden, or whatever here and there. He'll feel more connected I'd imagine because you have a sort of daily touch point, but it doesn't have to involve an entire debrief of every single thing that's happening in your life. If that won't suffice, I'm not sure I have other advice expect ignore the little sad "haven't heard from you in a while" and just keep doing what you're doing. |
Anonymous
+1 This. He has nothing going on and has always in the past just relied heavily on his family of origin for all of that. In my view, he should or could be living the life, dating, going out with friends or working hard on some type of career related path. Instead he's so focused on being the connector while we are all so damn busy. I wouldn't say he's gossiping per say but why is he giving me a status report of everyone's finances/relationship status, etc... I sure don't want my business out there like that. |
Anonymous
I think I'll do something like this. |
Anonymous
| I was your brother at one point. Kept reaching out to my much older sister. I stopped after a while. I crave a connection but it is what it is. |