Is it strange that my parents essentially share a cell phone?

[Anonymous]

My Dad got my Mom an Apple Watch for Christmas this past year. However, he didn't realize that her iPhone was too old to be able to pair with the Apple Watch (she has like an iPhone 5, or something like that). My Dad's phone is new enough to pair with it, so she paired it with my Dad's phone. So whenever my Dad gets a call/text, it shows up on my Mom's watch.

To give some context, while I have an okay relationship with my Mom, I have a better relationship with my Dad. We have a shared hobby, and we work in similar fields, so I usually talk to him about those two topics. Additionally, my Mom can be a bit judgemental at times, so I'm a bit more guarded regarding what I share with her.

Anyways, when my Mom and I are talking, she'll occasionally drop in some bit of information that I texted my Dad; it's usually something like "so what's going on with XYZ work project that you were telling Dad about?" Maybe I'm being a bit sensitive, but it feels like I can't have my own relationship with my Dad because my Mom is always seeing his texts. Is this weird? Or am I the odd one?

[Anonymous]

Years ago people shared emails and Facebook accounts. You know this so save messages you want your mom to not be a part of to phone calls.

[Anonymous]

That’s pretty normal. I think expecting your parents to have different info from you is the odd bit.

[Anonymous]

It's normal to them because they lived most of their lives without a phone of their own. Just plan accordingly.

I'm old enough to remember having a party line-- could be so much worse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago people shared emails and Facebook accounts. You know this so save messages you want your mom to not be a part of to phone calls.

Her Dad will probably tell her Mom anyway. Old people don’t have many conversation topics other than the conversations they have with other people

[Anonymous]

Yes. Cut mom off immediately, that’s toxic and harmful to you, and after all it’s all about you.

/s

[Anonymous]

Gift your mom a new iphone that can pair with her watch.

[Anonymous]

my folks have one landline, and one cell phone. one email account.

no desire for a second cell phone... would love for dad to have his own line and email. but.... we work around it... I know that anything send via email or text has the potential to be shared...

[Anonymous]

The generation above us are often much less individualistic. Married couples shared a great deal more than what society tells us is appropriate now.

It sounds like your mom is trying to reach out to you with something she knows you are interested in and you’re second-guessing or rebuffing her attempts. You want to have a private thing with your dad and you see her as intruding. Psychologically address that before worrying about the phone sharing.

[Anonymous]

Count yourself lucky they can use a cellphone at all. My mom could only do the very basics.

[Anonymous]

Ha, my parents have the same situation. Usually my mom answers their phone (two linked cells) and I have to specifically ask if I want to speak to my dad.

[Anonymous]

Mine share a cell phone, but it's because my dad has an intense need to monitor and control everything my mom does. So.... count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

For a number of us boomers (as your parents likely are), cell phones can be a nuisance. So, many share. I did not use many of the IPhone features until the pandemic (I went from an IPhone 4 to a 13 Mini). My DH + I both work FT still so we both still need our own cell phones. I could see dumping mine when I retire in 2 years. I just need to be able to text my kid ...anyone else can wait.

[Anonymous]

Frankly I expect that when I text my mom, they’ll both read it. Sometimes I know my dad is the one responding. I love them both equally but I’m more friendly with my mom or have more in common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years ago people shared emails and Facebook accounts. You know this so save messages you want your mom to not be a part of to phone calls.

Her Dad will probably tell her Mom anyway. Old people don’t have many conversation topics other than the conversations they have with other people

+1. It’s like the old days when there was a single landline.

If you don’t want your mom to know, don’t text anything other than “Dad, can you call me?” Then tell him whatever you want to tell him over the phone, and ask him not to tell your mom.