DD9 drama before bed

[Anonymous]

My daughter is generally an agreeable, happy, well-adjusted kid. She’s extroverted and has friends and likes school.

For the past couple of months, however, every night there is something “dramatic”, usually resulting in tears, before bedtime that delays sleep.

Examples: sudden onset headache, extreme thirst, a tickle in the throat, can’t fall asleep fast enough, sad about a show she saw yesterday, needs the one stuffed animal that can’t be found, ears are itchy, arm is itchy, too hot, too cold, a song is stuck in her head and making her insane …

Basically it’s a litany of (IMO) attention-seeking behaviors that always happen right before bedtime!

Why??

My theory: she hates being alone and may have a genetic tendency toward depression. And that she likes us, her parents, and would love to hang out longer but she’s tired and emotional and it’s a last ditch effort to extend the day.

I’d love to hear other reasons for this. Every night it’s something new, creative and upsetting and now I can’t help but sigh.

My childhood was atypical and I can’t relate. I craved solitude and still do.

[Anonymous]

Try sitting in her room with her while she falls asleep. Bring your tablet and read. Put on your headset and listen to a book or podcast and just sit there while she falls asleep. Maybe she needs some reassurance right now. There is nothing wrong with comforting her.

[Anonymous]

Usually when my same age kid does this it's because they're extra tired. Maybe try moving bedtime up a little earlier? I still read with them at night (they read their own book, I read mine, but they like the time together), and they still get that time just bumped up a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually when my same age kid does this it's because they're extra tired. Maybe try moving bedtime up a little earlier? I still read with them at night (they read their own book, I read mine, but they like the time together), and they still get that time just bumped up a bit.

This was my first thought as well.

[Anonymous]

She's telling you that she wants more time and attention from you. Try giving her that.

[Anonymous]

My anxious kid did this. We ended up co sleeping for a while (I know it’s not possible for everyone), and it helped.

[Anonymous]

Probably bedtime is too late and she's overtired. Just like a little kid, if they don't get enough sleep they're grumpy. My bedtime was 8:30 or earlier for over a decade as a kid. Getting up for school is an early start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try sitting in her room with her while she falls asleep. Bring your tablet and read. Put on your headset and listen to a book or podcast and just sit there while she falls asleep. Maybe she needs some reassurance right now. There is nothing wrong with comforting her.

+1 My middle needs this extra comfort and togetherness. I think that "attention seeking" is such a negative term. When kids seek attention, they need something--comfort, attention, relief, etc. I think you need to figure out what her need is and find a way that works for you to meet it. Also agree with the PPs that mention she might be tired. 9 year olds tend to have a lot of activities and we often forget that they need much more sleep than we do. I learned this the hard way with my oldest.

[Anonymous]

She’s too tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually when my same age kid does this it's because they're extra tired. Maybe try moving bedtime up a little earlier? I still read with them at night (they read their own book, I read mine, but they like the time together), and they still get that time just bumped up a bit.

This was my first thought as well.

I think tired is likely. Tired or not, I think moving bedtime up is the solution. Explain to her that you’re assuming she’s getting too tired, and everything aeems worse when you’re tired, so you’re going to help her by making sure she gets to sleep before things get so bad.

If she’s tired, the earlier bedtime will help. If she’s not, the earlier bedtime will motivate her to cut the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually when my same age kid does this it's because they're extra tired. Maybe try moving bedtime up a little earlier? I still read with them at night (they read their own book, I read mine, but they like the time together), and they still get that time just bumped up a bit.

This was my first thought as well.

I think tired is likely. Tired or not, I think moving bedtime up is the solution. Explain to her that you’re assuming she’s getting too tired, and everything aeems worse when you’re tired, so you’re going to help her by making sure she gets to sleep before things get so bad.

If she’s tired, the earlier bedtime will help. If she’s not, the earlier bedtime will motivate her to cut the drama.

pp here

I would also add that in addition to the earlier bedtime, you might want to carve a little special time out for her earlier, even if it’s while you’re doing something mundane (making dinner, folding clothes, etc.), you can talk with her, play word games, sing, read or listen to audio books, tell jokes, etc.