If you have more money than all your friends
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Anonymous
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Have your friendships changed?
DH and I come from humble backgrounds. We made a lot of friends in our twenties and when we first had kids a decade ago. DH’s income has increased significantly and he now earns a seven figure income. I can’t help but feel like we are drifting or have drifted apart from many of these friends. We still very occasionally get together and it is almost always when we host. When we host or invite, they come but they almost never invite us. I try hard never to talk about money. |
Anonymous
| We’re the couple that hosts most often too. Just bigger space, etc. we love hosting! Do you not enjoy it? You could always invite to meet out too. |
Anonymous
| We like to host, we have space, we don't keep score. Everyone has had different paths and we enjoy being together. |
Anonymous
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It might not have to do with your income. Covid stopped quite a few friendship group get togethers and many just have not returned. Plus, some people, more in the DMV, seem to be happy to accept invitations but are loathe to reciprocate for a variety of reasons. There seems to be a thread on here about this phenomenon continually.
But, did you move away to a fancier neighborhood? Are your children in different schools? Proximity does matter too. If you moved to a bigger better house/neighborhood, they may feel you left them. |
Anonymous
| Nothing has changed but my bank account size. Friends have no idea and they wouldn't care either way. |
Anonymous
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The secret is to spend that vast excess of money on other people, not yourself. You'll make more friends, with better people.
Normal people don't want to be dragged into your super luxe orbit unless you are paying for it. |
Anonymous
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What saves our friendships is that we still live in our starter home and drive our beater cars. We don't worry about retirement or college tuition or anything like that, and it came up this year because our oldest is going to an expensive college. It may have been the first time our friends realized we could afford that sort of thing. I do think that if we moved to a fancy house and drove fancy cars, our friends would need a period of adjustment! |
Anonymous
Yes, this is us too. I’m sure it’s just my bias because I grew up very middle class but I don’t think I would fit in in a rich neighborhood. And I’m Not sure I want my kids growing up surrounded by that. So we save a ton, spend on travel and other things we value. Friends would have no idea how much we have, which is fine with me. I don’t try to act like we are struggling but the house cars etc are not luxurious, but still good quality. This is what has worked for us. |
Anonymous
| Depends on the friends. I grew up in a working class neighborhood, although my family was UMC. Most of my friends from high school didn’t go to college, and are now working as waitresses, receptionists, call center employees, etc. I went to law school and worked my way up to big law partner, and married someone in finance. We have a 7 to 8 figure income, depending on the year. I’ve found that my high school friends and I have drifted apart. We live in different worlds and our life experiences have almost nothing in common anymore. On the other hand, I have a lot of friends from law school who didn’t make partner, close to go in house or into government, or moved to smaller law firms, and would likely be considered “DCUM middle class” with incomes around $400-750k. The income gap between us hasn’t had any negative effect on my relationship with them, and I would still consider them my closest friends. |
Anonymous
| I have five very close friends I've known since middle school. I went to UVA and two went to Virginia Tech and the other three went to JMU. I turned out to be the most successful person financially in the group, has a 7M home and 30M in the bank. My friends are just federal employees but it does not matter. I've made clear to them that I will take care of the bills whenever we get together. Between 2019 and 2022, I made a lot of money from Tesla, Amazon and Apple stocks. I bought five Model 3 Tesla for my friends. I don't keep score with my friends. Next month, all six of us will be traveling to Argentina for a month-long trip and I am footing the bill. Friendship is like a marriage and it takes work on both sides to keep it healthy. |
Anonymous
This can not be real , I mean doesn't it get old for footing the bills? |
Anonymous
roll my eyes "just" |
Anonymous
Eh I’m just a federal employee and I know it’s lowly. |
Anonymous
You just bought your friends cars? We live in a $5m house and have about $15m. Many of our friends are also feds. We host a lot and we pick up the bill. We foot the vacation house. I think my friends would feel uncomfortable, especially the husbands. We know a lot of wealthy/comfortable people and I have never heard of something like this. Private jet for extended family. Getting parents or siblings cars? Sure. But friends? |
Anonymous
Yeah, didn't happen. |