Amost adult adhd child mostly interacts with adults rather than kids? A concern?

[Anonymous]

My adhd/asperger child was doing pretty well socially with peers and then this past year has messed up many of their friendships and is now mostly friends with adults who tell him nice things and think he's great and listen intently to his opinions. He is improving in other areas than socially and I do want to celebrate this and think it's great these adults see his progress but I'm afraid he's becoming more self-centered. He has some friends that he still seems to be close to but they are dwindling and he sees them less. He says he has lunch with friends every day but I'm not sure that is the case. I think it's part a self-esteem issue and also a development delay socially. He's impatient with other kids and doesn't read them well. He can behave odd in groups of kids. The kids have all moved beyond him and he knows it and doesn't fit in as well anymore. With a year or so left till he's an adult, is there anything I should be doing to help facilitate peer relationships? He's going on a couple of camp trips and has therapy over the summer, but I don't know what else to do. I don't have much say anymore either in what he does. This has come on all of a sudden, I think with the anxiety of becoming an adult. I don't know if it's helping him get ready to be an adult or hurting him socially in the long run because he's not terribly kind to his peers and people in general when he doesn't get his way or feels inferior somehow. Sometimes he lies to them or he is overly curt I think because it's a self-defense mechanism. Has anyone experienced this with their special needs kid? What things worked, especially over the summer, to both boost his self confidence and also help him think about how he treats others and better relate to others?

[Anonymous]

Also considering gap year options to help him grow up a bit, but we don't have money for expensive programs.

[Anonymous]

I should add family members are against ia gap year thinking he won't go to college. I was thinking maybe at least a gap experience summer. Will all of this just be a wash when he goes to college and is surrounded by peers and is forced to get along with others? Maybe this time spending after school with adults is just a phase that will rectify when he's at college?

[Anonymous]

OP one thing to consider is that a gap year can be a lonely experience depending on the program/activity. Giving him an extra year to grow up could be helpful, but not if he is at home and doesn't have enough peers to interact with. So the gap year would need to be planned with that in mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should add family members are against ia gap year thinking he won't go to college. I was thinking maybe at least a gap experience summer. Will all of this just be a wash when he goes to college and is surrounded by peers and is forced to get along with others? Maybe this time spending after school with adults is just a phase that will rectify when he's at college?

Yes, IME, college is actually better than HS and most of these issues will sort themselves out. College is a bigger pool of people and it is easier to find your peeps and to regulate your social activity in ways you can manage. FWIW, my DC lived in a single freshman year and still came away with friends and participated in social activities.

I would not delay college for a kid who can manage academically just because of social concerns.