What do you do if the teacher doesn't like your kid?

[Anonymous]

Not a behavioral issue, just a personality fit. DD might be neurodivergent -- there are signs of ADHD and we are looking into that, but she's on grade level, gets along with peers, and follows direction (mostly shows up academically as not finishing her work in the allotted time due to inattentiveness). So it might just be annoyance with that aspect of teaching this child, but it feels like it can't just be that, as other kids in class also have inattentiveness issues or even more disruptive behavioral issues.

Oh, and it's not the head teacher in class, who seems to like DD fine. It's the teacher's aid, who is younger and less experienced. I'm guessing this is one reason why she has been a bit more open about her dislike -- I'm assuming a more experienced teacher would be able to hide it better.

I know the school year is coming to a close, but it's still such a bad feeling. The aid is openly antagonizing to DD at times, and I feel quite dismissive and even rude to me when I interact with her (she rolls her eyes sometimes, and uses a lot of sarcasm). DD has some school refusal that has been present all year (she is a homebody), but it's gotten worse in the last few months and I know that's directly related to the bad relationship with the aid.

During our parent-teacher conference last month, I specifically asked about any behavioral problems or if there was anything we should be doing to help support what they are doing in the classroom, and all I got from the teacher (the aid didn't speak much) was a good report and that DD is on track academically and gets along well with peers.

I guess I (and DD) just suck it up and get through the end of the year, but I am wondering if any other parents (or teachers) have advice on how to handle a situation like this. I don't expect my kid to be the favorite, but it is really hard to send your kid to school in a classroom where you know one of the teachers just doesn't like her.

[Anonymous]

I had the counselor manage it.

The teacher was in her 20’s and super immature.

My son has seen her since (my son is 25 now, she is in her 30’s) and she realizes she was just soooo immature. They joke about it.

[Anonymous]

Since it’s the side and not the teacher, I wonder if the thing to do is to talk to the teacher and see if she can talk to the aide about being nicer to DC.

[Anonymous]

Have you expressed your concerns to the teacher directly? I’d do that.

But I’d say that the aid has veered into treating your kid unprofessionally and you’d like the teacher to please put a stop to it. Back it up with examples (the rolling of the eyes particularly) of your interactions.

Be polite yet firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you expressed your concerns to the teacher directly? I’d do that.

But I’d say that the aid has veered into treating your kid unprofessionally and you’d like the teacher to please put a stop to it. Back it up with examples (the rolling of the eyes particularly) of your interactions.

Be polite yet firm.

+1

This is about behavior, not feelings. The aide’s unprofessional behavior should absolutely be addressed. Focus the discussion on that. While feelings are ephemeral and subject to misinterpretation, behavior is observable and allows you to cite specific examples, which will be more effective and make you look more professional. Even if you’re right that the teacher dislikes your child, people are allowed to feel whatever they feel. Trying to police people’s emotions is not only unfeasible, it’s a rather terrifying prospect. However, common courtesy dictates that everyone should be treated with civility and respect. A teacher who is paid to work with children should be held to an even higher standard. Nurturing a child’s development and teaching them appropriate behavior is literally part of her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you expressed your concerns to the teacher directly? I’d do that.

But I’d say that the aid has veered into treating your kid unprofessionally and you’d like the teacher to please put a stop to it. Back it up with examples (the rolling of the eyes particularly) of your interactions.

Be polite yet firm.

+1 Aide will quickly realize that someone in your DC's family is paying attention and trim her sails accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you expressed your concerns to the teacher directly? I’d do that.

But I’d say that the aid has veered into treating your kid unprofessionally and you’d like the teacher to please put a stop to it. Back it up with examples (the rolling of the eyes particularly) of your interactions.

Be polite yet firm.

OP here. The teacher is frustratingly hard to pin down -- I cannot email her directly (all goes through aide) and the aide is the one outside during pick up. Teacher is older and not super tech-savvy.

I am also worried about saying stuff like "she rolls her eyes or is sarcastic when speaking to me" because that kind of thing feels very open to interpretation. I think she'll just deny it and say she didn't do it, or that I misunderstood.

Maybe speaking up will put her on notice, maybe it will make her dislike my kid even more.

Not trying to put up road blocks to your suggestions -- these are things I've thought of but I worry there may be negative consequences. I feel there is a lot of stigma with being the parent who complains, and I don't want to do it unless I have rock solid evidence. But what I have is my general impression and things my kid has told me. I feel confident there's a personality conflict there, but it's not like I have clear proof.

I'm wondering if there is something I can say to my kid to make it easier to get through the next month and a half. And I guess also wondering if there are things I should have done earlier in the year. It took me a while to figure out what was going on and also to stop being in denial about it, but I'd like to be proactive moving forward, especially if the ADHD thing causes problems in the future.

[Anonymous]

I hope you have signed your kid up for a neuro psych eval. You may need an IEP, etc.