Helping kids with ADHD with a school setting

[Anonymous]

Writing this about my child, but it could apply to many. He has ADHD, is very hyper and has poor emotional regulation and attention. Public school, even with an IEP is very hard for him. Academically, he does ok with supports, but he struggles socially and with teachers. His immaturity, poor emotional regulation, hyperactivity and social skill deficits make it hard for him to keep friends and not be seen as an outcast. I am in so many FB groups with parents of other kids like this, all with the same struggles. There is no place for them in public school or mainstream privates. This is so common that there should be a solution or a path for this. What is it? Homeschool? Therapeutic school? I’m seriously asking because there are so many people dealing with this. There should be a known solution.

[Anonymous]

Share your concerns. Some schools think self contained class is the solution. Still looking for the right school.

[Anonymous]

We are "lucky" that our very similar kid is highly gifted - so he goes to a public gifted school, where there are a lot of socially quirky kids. That's been a blessing, for him to not struggle as much socially (or at least, not seem like an outcast when he doesn't have a lot of friends - because so many of the kids are similar).

I remember reading years ago that some huge percentage of home schooled kids have ADHD. Like, basically the population of homeschoolers are 50% religious and 50% moms who gave up on the school systems because their kids were struggling.

I don't know where these poor kids fit....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I remember reading years ago that some huge percentage of home schooled kids have ADHD. Like, basically the population of homeschoolers are 50% religious and 50% moms who gave up on the school systems because their kids were struggling.
fi..

I believe it. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to serve this population. Their needs are known to anyone who pays attention.

[Anonymous]

Some schools want to treat other disabilities instead of ADHD and think that is the right approach. They group kids and ignore the best approaches to working with ADHD kids. Some think they know everything and don’t listen. Some focus on boilerplate IEPs. Sometimes you wonder if real services are even provided by caring people that know what they are doing. Some act like some kids are toss away kids because they aren’t successful with their approach. Some just want them out of the classroom and out of the resource room. Wonder if they make decisions based on financial resources.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen many children with ADHD do very well with homeschool. The children and families seem more open to diversity and I never saw another child being teased for being different during a co-op, summer camp, field trip, or any other homeschool activity. I say this as a non-parent working specifically with SN children in these different groups.

The parents and co-op groups create opportunities for social gatherings. Co-op meets weekly all day like school, but they also plan field trips, summer activities, etc. Many also arranged play dates regularly and things like that outside planned group activities.

There’s also much less dictating things like you must sit still during class, just fewer rules but things still ran smoothly because most classes were 5-8 kids with 1 teacher and 2-3 parents helping. As long as you aren’t being disruptive or dangerous most people don’t say anything about the kids standing up during lessons or other quirky things some kids do that would be frowned upon or even disciplined for in public.

There’s a good mix of NT and ND children from what I’ve seen and parents were very supportive of each other and sharing ideas. Even as a non-parent I was always accepted and I cannot say that about working in public schools when I was in the same role.

You also can choose your own curriculum or supplemental curriculum and that alone can make a huge difference. Most parents do homeschool for 3-4 hours per day so there’s naturally more time for other activities that might be good for an active child.

I spent 5 years in several homeschool groups and was amazed at how bright the kids were and how close and accepting of others the communities were. It’s night and day from public school and what I initially thought homeschool would look like. The only downside I saw was that it definitely requires a level of income or family involvement that many can’t realistically achieve.

[Anonymous]

My kid is in a therapeutic school via IEP placement. It is amazing. There is the social side and the kids in the class all get each other. Teachers and paras know how to handle kids. Classes are small. Small enough that the teacher can actually do old fashioned differentiation. She has time to work with a student where they’re struggling. She can provide meaningful feedback that the student can learn from. She has developed a relationship with my kid which makes him willing to do what she asks.

Setting aside the social emotional curriculum, I can’t ask for a better academic environment. My only complaint is the lack of after school activities.

[Anonymous]

Is your child medicated? I taught so many kids with ADHD who were not, and school was a daily struggle for them. Once they were medicated, they could pay attention, be fully present, and began to feel successful. These kids are overwhelmed by all the information they are processing. It’s like trying to do your taxes in the middle of a rock concert while your shoes are too tight. And then you get in trouble, because all the other kids were able to keep up and put their taxes in the right folder and heard all the directions and remembered them, while you did your best and still failed.

It’s a hard thing, to get a good school fit.

[Anonymous]

OP: I am not sure what is the correct answer. I agree it is an issue.

My DD has ADHD and says she has no friends at school, it is so hard to hear. She is very social but doesn’t know how to be social, if that makes sense.

I do have to say that we delayed medication. We finally started 2 months ago and it has made a huge difference. It is not the answer to everything but it is the beginning. She can now focus in school and be calm enough to have better interaction with kids/teachers. She has an IEP for a learning disability but no goals related to ADHD.

I wish there was a social emotional support|education for these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen many children with ADHD do very well with homeschool. The children and families seem more open to diversity and I never saw another child being teased for being different during a co-op, summer camp, field trip, or any other homeschool activity. I say this as a non-parent working specifically with SN children in these different groups.

The parents and co-op groups create opportunities for social gatherings. Co-op meets weekly all day like school, but they also plan field trips, summer activities, etc. Many also arranged play dates regularly and things like that outside planned group activities.

There’s also much less dictating things like you must sit still during class, just fewer rules but things still ran smoothly because most classes were 5-8 kids with 1 teacher and 2-3 parents helping. As long as you aren’t being disruptive or dangerous most people don’t say anything about the kids standing up during lessons or other quirky things some kids do that would be frowned upon or even disciplined for in public.

There’s a good mix of NT and ND children from what I’ve seen and parents were very supportive of each other and sharing ideas. Even as a non-parent I was always accepted and I cannot say that about working in public schools when I was in the same role.

You also can choose your own curriculum or supplemental curriculum and that alone can make a huge difference. Most parents do homeschool for 3-4 hours per day so there’s naturally more time for other activities that might be good for an active child.

I spent 5 years in several homeschool groups and was amazed at how bright the kids were and how close and accepting of others the communities were. It’s night and day from public school and what I initially thought homeschool would look like. The only downside I saw was that it definitely requires a level of income or family involvement that many can’t realistically achieve.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and throw out that experiences are so different at different schools and with different teachers. Other than choosing your own curriculum, I feel that all of your points above apply to my child, in a public school, through several grades. It starts at the leadership level though. Our school's motto is "We see you, we welcome you, you belong here." Maybe we need more homeschool teachers with that ethos to become public school principals!

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP and my child is medicated. The problem is that he can’t tolerate stimulants or Strattera. So, that leaves us with guanfacine and an SSRI for anxiety. I’m pretty connected with a local moms group of special needs kids. What had me wondering about school settings is that I am hearing similar complaints from many of these moms, and they do medicate their kids. Medication helps many of these kids, but not enough.

[Anonymous]

NP. Both of my kids have ADHD as well as some other diagnoses. We are in public school and one has a 504 and the other does not (although that may come in the future).

Both have friends now, in upper elementary and middle school, but it took a while. Both have had better and worse teachers - some teachers have been tolerant, some have been very good at assisting with executive functioning struggles, with social struggles, and some teachers have been not been good at any of it.

We're not on a Facebook group for ADHD (although I am on a Facebook group for another diagnosis) - you haven't said the age of your DC but I have found that, just as maturity level can be ~3 years delayed, in our experience so can social level and friendship.

IME the best help for kids with ADHD in a school setting (meds help one of my DC but not the other) is a tolerant teacher and a school that doesn't view behavior issues as permanent, views them as an incident rather than an indictment.

[Anonymous]

No question it’s a huge challenge. I think some families have been happy with McLean, Field, Commonwealth and similar privates.

[Anonymous]

We live in Mo Co and our child goes to Commonwealth precisely because of these issues. Sometimes there are still social struggles but they ebb and flow, because there are lots of kids there that need support. the game changer has been the teachers - they just aren't annoyed at our kid all the time. We can have a parent teacher conference and they can point to a couple of areas for improvement on interpersonal skills, but can also talk about school and academics and how that is going. Honestly, worth the 45+ minute commute for us.

[Anonymous]

Would you put your kid with ADHD and a learning disorder in a self contained class if you didn’t think that was the appropriate place after visiting the setting? Is homeschool or a school with smaller classes the answer?