What motivates kids? Parents?

[Anonymous]

I have been noticing that some parents who seem to do everything right have unmotivated children. Other parents do nothing and kids seem hard working. I have one cousin whose kid plays video games all day despite both parents being HYP grads. I have another friend who has two kids who are doing poorly in school. One actually dropped out of high school. Mom just lost complete control of kids in high school.

DH and I both were motivated because we grew up poor. I think our kids are ambitious but they are still young.

[Anonymous]

It come within fool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It come within fool

So you don’t think parents or environment has anything to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Of course nature, such as depression, anxiety, addiction, trauma, disabilities (ADHD, OCD, ASD, dyslexia, etc.), and aptitude can all impact kids' trajectories. Nurture also plays an important role.

[Anonymous]

Traumatic experiences can make or break people

[Anonymous]

Small sample size but my peers with pushy parents grew up to be considerably less “successful” than those who had more laissez faire parents (ones who supported their interests but did not force them)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course nature, such as depression, anxiety, addiction, trauma, disabilities (ADHD, OCD, ASD, dyslexia, etc.), and aptitude can all impact kids' trajectories. Nurture also plays an important role.

I meant to put trauma in the nurture category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been noticing that some parents who seem to do everything right have unmotivated children. Other parents do nothing and kids seem hard working. I have one cousin whose kid plays video games all day despite both parents being HYP grads. I have another friend who has two kids who are doing poorly in school. One actually dropped out of high school. Mom just lost complete control of kids in high school.

DH and I both were motivated because we grew up poor. I think our kids are ambitious but they are still young.

Parents give themselves too much stress and credit for how children turn out. We are shepherds not designers, we can feed input but can't control output.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been noticing that some parents who seem to do everything right have unmotivated children. Other parents do nothing and kids seem hard working. I have one cousin whose kid plays video games all day despite both parents being HYP grads. I have another friend who has two kids who are doing poorly in school. One actually dropped out of high school. Mom just lost complete control of kids in high school.

DH and I both were motivated because we grew up poor. I think our kids are ambitious but they are still young.

Parents give themselves too much stress and credit for how children turn out. We are shepherds not designers, we can feed input but can't control output.

+1. Some kids are also way more susceptible to burn out, addiction, depression, anxiety, etc. if pushed too hard. Every kid is different. Some kids and adults have a powerful inner drive and others' don't. Some discover that drive in the working world but don't really have it at school and for others it is the opposite. People are not light bulbs that can keep be turned on and off. You need to accept your child as is and parent them as best you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been noticing that some parents who seem to do everything right have unmotivated children. Other parents do nothing and kids seem hard working. I have one cousin whose kid plays video games all day despite both parents being HYP grads. I have another friend who has two kids who are doing poorly in school. One actually dropped out of high school. Mom just lost complete control of kids in high school.

DH and I both were motivated because we grew up poor. I think our kids are ambitious but they are still young.

Parents give themselves too much stress and credit for how children turn out. We are shepherds not designers, we can feed input but can't control output.

+1. Some kids are also way more susceptible to burn out, addiction, depression, anxiety, etc. if pushed too hard. Every kid is different. Some kids and adults have a powerful inner drive and others' don't. Some discover that drive in the working world but don't really have it at school and for others it is the opposite. People are not light bulbs that can keep be turned on and off. You need to accept your child as is and parent them as best you can.

OP here. My children are relatively young and I try to parent as best as I can. I try to steer and not hover. I provide support. As of now, my kids seem like they have a happy childhood and doing well academically and socially.

I was just surprised at some older children in my family and old friends. At least from the surface level, I can’t see many differences in how we parent. Our children all live UMC lifestyles, have educated parents and live in stable homes. We do live in different geographic areas and kids obviously attend different schools and have different peer groups.

[Anonymous]

There is plenty out of parents control op. More than most of us like to realize. It's not that what we do doesn't matter, not doing it would have worse results. But genetics and personality have a whole lot to do with these types of things and most kids are who we they are, we're just tinkering around the edges and keeping them whole full humans who feel loved (which is essential! but won't change the type of personality they came with deep down). Then there are the mental health pieces others mentioned. One of my son's has ADHD. He will likely struggle far more than his sister with motivation because it is literally a part of the brain disorder.

[Anonymous]

sons*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It come within fool

So you don’t think parents or environment has anything to do with it?

Motivation … not really.

Being motivated is internal and getting support to be successful is external

Being unmotivated is internal and getting support to be successful.., though less so, perhaps just getting by external

[Anonymous]

It's mostly internal. Of course parental support can assist but parental support can't compete with generations upon generations of trait building that's genetically encoded. I wish it weren't that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's mostly internal. Of course parental support can assist but parental support can't compete with generations upon generations of trait building that's genetically encoded. I wish it weren't that way.

I think our poor backgrounds motivated us more than our parents. Dh and I both hated being poor. I worry my kids won’t be motivated since they live a very privileged life.