social skills help for teen with ADHD

[Anonymous]

Our son is in 8th grade, going to a high school next year where he doesn't know many kids but is nonetheless feeling upbeat. He has ADHD, and this is affecting his peer relationships, though he seems unaware.

He is outgoing, confident, and can make friends but has a hard time keeping them. He needs better perspective taking - considering other people's perspectives. At home, he frequently interrupts - not sure if he does it with peers, probably.

He has a reputation for taking a joke too far, and when people tell him to stop, he'll persist. He has school friends but they don't translate into closer out-of-school friends. He's hanging out with younger kids. He rejects kids who have different interests or part of the "popular" crowd. As a result, the kids he chats with don't seem that nice. There are a lot of kids his age who live nearby but those relationships have fizzled.

I'm sharing only my concerns here, but to be clear, he has many fine qualities, not the least is he is very kind to older and younger people, and he volunteers regularly. He's also working hard to make money and get better at his favorite sport. And he can be very funny and the life of the party, as long as he doesn't take it too far!

He did PEERS a few years back and rejected it because some of the kids were lower-functioning and had outbursts during class.

For those who have kids of a similar profile, any suggestions of how we can help him, and hopefully get some progress before high school? For example, camps? social skills groups? summer job? arts activities like improv acting?

[Anonymous]

Try the book It's So Much Work To Be Your Friend. If he won't read it, you read it and tell it to him in small portions.

Accept him hanging out with the younger kids. ADHD kids can be a little slower to mature.

I would try 1:1 coaching. Groups can be hit or miss.

[Anonymous]

I would do nothing, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Does he perceive any of this as a problem? If you don't have buy in from him that this is something that's an issue and he wants to work on it, I don't think it's going to be worth the time and money.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses. It's hard for me to do nothing but I understand what you mean. Without buy in, it could waste time and money and cause conflict.

I need more support for myself because it's hard to witness, and I feel braced for the next thing that will happen.

Yesterday for example, it was message from teacher about inappropriate behavior in school, seeing concerning sexual text messages during a routine phone check, and failed attempts to connect with peers. The kid desperately wants good friends.

Any experiences from parents who have been there would be appreciated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses. It's hard for me to do nothing but I understand what you mean. Without buy in, it could waste time and money and cause conflict.

I need more support for myself because it's hard to witness, and I feel braced for the next thing that will happen.

Yesterday for example, it was message from teacher about inappropriate behavior in school, seeing concerning sexual text messages during a routine phone check, and failed attempts to connect with peers. The kid desperately wants good friends.

Any experiences from parents who have been there would be appreciated

I think you need a parenting coach for yourself, and a social skills 1:1 for him. Anything sexual at this age can blow up into a really big deal, and needs to be addressed while it's small.

[Anonymous]

I’d highly recommend a 1:1 social skills coach. We’ve had great success with that approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d highly recommend a 1:1 social skills coach. We’ve had great success with that approach.

How does one find a 1:1 social skills coach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses. It's hard for me to do nothing but I understand what you mean. Without buy in, it could waste time and money and cause conflict.

I need more support for myself because it's hard to witness, and I feel braced for the next thing that will happen.

Yesterday for example, it was message from teacher about inappropriate behavior in school, seeing concerning sexual text messages during a routine phone check, and failed attempts to connect with peers. The kid desperately wants good friends.

Any experiences from parents who have been there would be appreciated

I think you need a parenting coach for yourself, and a social skills 1:1 for him. Anything sexual at this age can blow up into a really big deal, and needs to be addressed while it's small.

+1. I get he’s an 8th grade boy but this could blow up in his face.

[weekendready]

Could someone who's had success with a 1:1 social skills coach please share information - what to look for in terms of credentials, experience, etc. And recommendations of specific people?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Get social skills goals written into the IEP. If enough kids ask for that as an accommodation schools often will create a lunch group or social skills class.

[Anonymous]

https://www.superduperinc.com/products/topics/social-skills.html

[weekendready]

Thanks for sharing these resources. Can anyone recommend resources, strategies, and social skills coaches for a ADHD teen (and his parents) without an IEP who is not building positive peer relationships? They're outgoing and good at meeting people - it's keeping the relationships that's the challenge, though they seem unaware.