Fail as a parent: 19 yrs old want to die

[Anonymous]

I feel like I fail as a parent. When things go wrong like a bad grade (B), breakup, etc? My high achiever, high IQ DC keeps saying want to die since HS. DC breaks down under stress because people think DC is genius. Yes, DC does win prestigious academic award but by working hard. DC has high expectation of herself. I can't get through to DC that grade doesn't matter. DC freaks out and worries about things that shouldn't matter. DC doesn't see the purpose of life. It is all work and disappointment. There is no reason to live and purpose to life. DC is only child. There are so many bad things happen at the same time, one after another that she has no control. I can feel for her. I don't know how to help her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Get her into therapy STAT.

[Anonymous]

Therapy and maybe anxiety meds. You're not a bad parent, OP. You can help her get through this with the help of a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy and maybe anxiety meds. You're not a bad parent, OP. You can help her get through this with the help of a professional.

This^ and may be a family trip to some beautiful destination (preferably with no wifi and cell signal) as a peaceful retreat to reset mind.

[Anonymous]

Parents aren't gods, they can't control world to suit their child's needs. Help and unconditional love is all you can give.

[Anonymous]

You aren’t a failure because your 19 yo has anxiety/depression etc. Please get them the help they need.

[Anonymous]

Therapy. Parents can only do so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t a failure because your 19 yo has anxiety/depression etc. Please get them the help they need.

^^ this

[Anonymous]

Help her see, in any small way, that life isn't all work and disappointment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her into therapy STAT.

You can “get” him/her into therapy. He or she is an adult and has to want to go.

[Anonymous]

I can relate. Therapy asap for her AND yourself. Also aggressive support. Parent actions have to back up that achievements & grades do not equal our love/ pride. Encourage her to take a gap year, skip the final, go to cc, who cares? None of the external expectations/validation matters and she has freedom to figure herself out.

Also encourage her to get off all social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I fail as a parent. When things go wrong like a bad grade (B), breakup, etc? My high achiever, high IQ DC keeps saying want to die since HS. DC breaks down under stress because people think DC is genius. Yes, DC does win prestigious academic award but by working hard. DC has high expectation of herself. I can't get through to DC that grade doesn't matter. DC freaks out and worries about things that shouldn't matter. DC doesn't see the purpose of life. It is all work and disappointment. There is no reason to live and purpose to life. DC is only child. There are so many bad things happen at the same time, one after another that she has no control. I can feel for her. I don't know how to help her anymore.

This is not about you or failing as a parent. The failure would be if you don’t take these cries for help seriously and find your child a competent therapist and psychiatrist. They need your help to do this for them. And yes sooner rather than later. I’m a therapist who works with high achieving miserable individuals. High achieving does not equal high self esteem or mental well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her into therapy STAT.

You can “get” him/her into therapy. He or she is an adult and has to want to go.

Yes to this and mother needs to provide the resources and options available. Do not expect the adult child to do this on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate. Therapy asap for her AND yourself. Also aggressive support. Parent actions have to back up that achievements & grades do not equal our love/ pride. Encourage her to take a gap year, skip the final, go to cc, who cares? None of the external expectations/validation matters and she has freedom to figure herself out.

Also encourage her to get off all social media.

things i wish my parents had done.

[Anonymous]

OP here. DC went to therapy (on-line) for 1 session and refuse to go again. Seriously thinking of pulling her out of school and cancel study aboard to work on her issue this summer. DC says she will get more depressed if she quit school. DC goes on rampage and blame everything on me. DC hates her current school even though it is top 25. Everything is spiraling downward. The mood swing is too much. It is like hourly. One minute, I love you and next I hate you. I can't get DC to see doctor. Definitely, DC is crying for help. Both of us fly out just 2 weeks ago to calm her. DH gave up. DH and I only fight about DC. We are all hurting. It seems helpless to get DC out of hellhole. We are all in it. Here I am posting in public forum.