Can't relate to ppl without kids

[Anonymous]

I can't relate at all anymore to my friends who don't have kids, especially the ones who treat their pets like kids (like I know someone who baby-wears her dog in a babybjorn-type thing), and feel like I'm letting those friendships fade and don't even really care... Is this common?

[Anonymous]

Presumably you had a life before kids. How sad that you completely let that fall away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't relate at all anymore to my friends who don't have kids, especially the ones who treat their pets like kids (like I know someone who baby-wears her dog in a babybjorn-type thing), and feel like I'm letting those friendships fade and don't even really care... Is this common?

It could be worse —my siblings didn’t have kids. Probably for the best, but the differences are real! Also, they hold grudges and generally look backwards regarding our parents. They have no clue that they have no clue.

[Anonymous]

You're playing fast and loose with your definition of friends, OP. I would never have been friends with a dog-wearing person in the first place, and I have a dog! When you have kids, you don't have time for all that loose group of acquaintances you call friends. Your circle narrows to people who have actually proven themselves, or whom you feel might be true friends in the future.

[Anonymous]

I have an only child and all my friends are child free by choice. They are awesome and we still have similar interests. Are you one of the people that only want to talk about the kids 24/7?

[Anonymous]

OP: Understandable. Raising children requires a different level of maturity & responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only child and all my friends are child free by choice. They are awesome and we still have similar interests. Are you one of the people that only want to talk about the kids 24/7?

No, it's that when you're young, you sometimes stay friends with people you shouldn't, just because you have time to kill. When you're older, you choose your friends better. They could be child-free or not, but they're usually a better fit for at least one of your interests.

[Anonymous]

No, and I think it's sad. I would hate to lose my good friends just because they didn't have kids, or didn't have them at the same time I did. They knew me before I was a parent, so they remind me that I'm not just a parent, that I have an identity and interests and thoughts that aren't about parenting It's nothing to do with maturity -- there are selfish irresponsible clowns with kids, and there are amazing people who, for a variety of reasons, don't have kids. If you can't relate to people who don't have kids anymore, I think that's a you issue. You have to be more flexible and thoughtful to maintain pre-kid friendships, on both sides, but it's definitely worth it.

[Anonymous]

I felt that way when my kids were preschool age and babies. When they were helpless and I needed my world to revolve around them on some level.

When they got to ES and were a little more independent, didn't need their butts wiped, could do simple chores...and then eventually could stay home by themselves for a bit....I got my life back more and was able to make friends in different stages of life, including those without kids. I love having friends without kids because it forces the conversation to be about other things, when mom friend talk is still heavily weighted on kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

This is a really small way to think.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and how many kids and how old are they?

I had my first at 26 in DC. I basically knew no one else with a baby for a year or two, and even then, they were our kids weren't at the same stage. So I was always hanging out with friends in situations where it was me, them, and my kid. (Yes, my kid had playmates, but they were not kids of my genuine friends.)

What I'm saying is: some of those people went on to have kids, some didn't. I'm friends with the people I want to be friends on the basis of whether we mesh and what we have in common. Whether or not they have kids doesn't really factor, certainly not now since I have a teen. My closest friends have kids who are between 3-13 and several have no kids.

I feel like this is only problem for moms who are more traditional and in a bubble. Which isn't bad, but it's just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a really small way to think.

+1. It just reads as you're a bad friend, OP.

[Anonymous]

Hey there, OP. I'm a DINK who did my best to keep the ties during the years you are in now. I'm 50 and we're all glad we all put the effort in even when we were world apart. Let some of those friends be fun "aunts and uncles."

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends has no kids, although it's also nice to have friends with young kids who can relate to those particular problems/issues.

It's healthy to have an identity outside of parenthood, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, and I think it's sad. I would hate to lose my good friends just because they didn't have kids, or didn't have them at the same time I did. They knew me before I was a parent, so they remind me that I'm not just a parent, that I have an identity and interests and thoughts that aren't about parenting It's nothing to do with maturity -- there are selfish irresponsible clowns with kids, and there are amazing people who, for a variety of reasons, don't have kids. If you can't relate to people who don't have kids anymore, I think that's a you issue. You have to be more flexible and thoughtful to maintain pre-kid friendships, on both sides, but it's definitely worth it.

NP. This is true.