Polite way to respond to should I bring anything?

[Anonymous]

I am Pakistani. Hosting a couple of families for dinner next week. All the families are Pakistani, Middle Eastern or Turkish with the exception of one White family (race is relevant for the question). Now I know that in Middle Eastern and South Asian culture, people don't come to a dinner party empty handed. They don't even ask if they should bring something - they just come with some food item - dessert, appetizers etc. That's just the way it is. Now the White family responded to the invite with "should I bring anything?" Ordinarily I would respond with "just yourselves!" But I don't want them to feel awkward when every other family is going to bring something. I also don't want them to think that I specifically told everyone to bring something but them because I don't like their food or something. So how to I respond politely? Basically they don't need to bring anything. I don't want anyone to bring something. But everyone else will bring something so if they must bring something they can bring dessert or an appetizer. Please help! I need to respond soon. Also I'm not American - came here 5 years ago so please excuse the question

[Anonymous]

You're overthinking! Tell them to bring wine or whatever they like to drink, or a dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're overthinking! Tell them to bring wine or whatever they like to drink, or a dessert.

Thanks. But how do I say it exactly? Like word for word. In my culture its very rude to tell someone to bring something. Instead its like a game. You tell someone not to bring anything and then they bring something. I know its weird but that's how it works.

[Anonymous]

I usually tell guests that if there’s a specific dessert or drink they like, to please bring it. It’s easier if there are kids coming too. I sometimes tell people what we’re serving or what kind of food we’re having, and if they ask what to bring, I tell them to bring something their kids will eat if they don’t think their kids will like what’s being served.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd say basically what you said here. "You don't need to bring anything at all! If I know South Asian and Middle Eastern folks—and I do, hahaha!!--they'll probably bring oodles to share. So you're welcome to contribute a drink or dessert or appetizer if you'd like, but we will have plenty either way!" Basically, just find a lighthearted way to tell them that your other international friends will probably bring stuff whether you ask them to or not, and then let the white americans do what they like with that info.

[Anonymous]

Assess who is bringing what and ask for what’s missing. Most people asking this question want to bring something but don’t know what you are planning and are just looking for direction.

“Oh sure you can bring a dessert if you’d like” or “if you have a favorite appetizer that would be lovely”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd say basically what you said here. "You don't need to bring anything at all! If I know South Asian and Middle Eastern folks—and I do, hahaha!!--they'll probably bring oodles to share. So you're welcome to contribute a drink or dessert or appetizer if you'd like, but we will have plenty either way!" Basically, just find a lighthearted way to tell them that your other international friends will probably bring stuff whether you ask them to or not, and then let the white americans do what they like with that info.

Woah! Too many words! Lol

I would just say “ how about a bottle of wine?” or if you’re not drinkers you can say “how about a salad?”.

Don’t overthink this. And, I’d like to know where my invitation is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd say basically what you said here. "You don't need to bring anything at all! If I know South Asian and Middle Eastern folks—and I do, hahaha!!--they'll probably bring oodles to share. So you're welcome to contribute a drink or dessert or appetizer if you'd like, but we will have plenty either way!" Basically, just find a lighthearted way to tell them that your other international friends will probably bring stuff whether you ask them to or not, and then let the white americans do what they like with that info.

I think this works. If I were the recipient I might just show up with a bottle of wine or some flowers but not worry about adding to the feast

[Anonymous]

"So excited to see you! Feel free to bring your favorite dessert or appetizer if you'd like, but no need!"

[Anonymous]

OP, white Americans are used to being told to bring something, so you really won't offend them by telling them to bring wine, dessert, a salad, an appetizer. It's all good!

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone! This is really helpful. English isn't my first language so I sometimes get stressed out with what I should say in certain social situations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're overthinking! Tell them to bring wine or whatever they like to drink, or a dessert.

Thanks. But how do I say it exactly? Like word for word. In my culture its very rude to tell someone to bring something. Instead its like a game. You tell someone not to bring anything and then they bring something. I know its weird but that's how it works.

Oh, gosh - so I would say, "Larlo, you don't need to bring anything, we're just excited to have you. But if you insist, bring a bottle of something that you like to drink, or a little dessert. But please don't go to any trouble - our job here is to send you home stuffed to the gills."

[Anonymous]

wow- im pretty sure they don't want wine at their iftari!

I'm Pakistani-american as well- they won't notice that everyone else brought something unless you are going to serve all of those things. If that is the case then say something along the lines of.. I've got it covered so nothing unless its something you particularly want, just yourselves! looking forward to seeing you.

Most Americans also bring a hostess gift and "the should I bring anything " is just politeness, and an assessment of how formal the invite is. If it is super casual hang out- you'd be like sure bring a dessert, so and so is bringing salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, white Americans are used to being told to bring something, so you really won't offend them by telling them to bring wine, dessert, a salad, an appetizer. It's all good!

+1 and if you don't drink, please be sure to tell them that explicitly. It will not hurt their feelings and they won't think you're rude - just the opposite, they know you'd be saving them from potentially embarassing themselves if they brought wine to an alcohol-free event/house.

They're likely pretty excited to come and have some of their own nervousness about not offending anyone. There will be a lot of goodwill on both sides so look at it as an opporutnity for you to share your culture with them. They want to act accordingly and will appreciate directness.

[Anonymous]

"We are covered for food. So just come and enjoy.

Also, I wanted to let you know that no alcohol or pork product will be served or consumed. "

I bet they will show up with baked goods or flowers/plants.