I feel defective

[Anonymous]

I’m the PP with the recurrent ectopics whose OB told her to consider IVF moving forward. I have so many feelings, how unfair this is, how embarrassing this is but also that I feel defective. Like I’m a broken incomplete woman.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I think your reactions/feelings are shared by practically every woman (and man) who has been on this journey.

There are, of course, millions of us, and thousands of variations on reasons why pregnancy is not the easy, natural thing we're all brought up to feel it should be.

Hang in there.

For whatever it's worth, I had to go so far beyond just IVF to have a baby that what seems embarrasing and defective for you would have been a total success story for me. So a lot of this lies in your perspective. Someday this will all fade into the background for you and it won't be as raw and painful as it is right now. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you need to put this in perspective. I have a child with special needs; there is a lot of guilt there (even though I did everything by the book and was so careful). You join many women who need to have IVF and you will most likely have a healthy baby.

[Anonymous]

It is unfair! But please, please try to resist feeling defective or ashamed. There are so many of us that have been in your shoes and it is just luck of the draw, nothing more and nothing less. The "good" news is that it sounds like you are probably a very easy case to treat and have very good odds of success. Women I know that had only tubal issues, like you, likely respond very well to the medications and get plenty of good embryos. It feels like a lot now, but I'd bet good money you'll be pregnant pretty easily and will have enough extra embryos for a sibling or two in the future. Take heart - of all of the infertility diagnoses, yours is pretty much best case scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP with the recurrent ectopics whose OB told her to consider IVF moving forward. I have so many feelings, how unfair this is, how embarrassing this is but also that I feel defective. Like I’m a broken incomplete woman.

You are not broken! This is normal for a lot of people. If your experience was unique, there wouldn't be so many IVF clinics around. Keep trying but also consider all the other ways you can have a family. There are lots of children who are waiting for you to adopt them.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend joining a support group and/or therapy. You will get through this but there is a lot that comes up. I know it might seem like what good will a support group or therapy do? It won’t “change” anything. But I promise you it is helpful. The isolation makes it so much worse. There really are women out there who know how you feel and want to help. I resisted for so long but when I finally joined a support group I got so much emotional support and practical advice for doctors and procedures.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, the people I know who had to do IVF are NOT the ones I would have expected to be “defective” or “broken”- they are some of the more attractive healthy looking women I know. It’s just the luck of the draw sometimes - or the luck of the eggs really…
Keep going and you’ll get there, this will just be a bad memory when you have a screeching baby keeping you busy all day and night!

[Anonymous]

Hang in there OP!

Your feelings are valid. Yes, it is unfair, and it can be enlightening to simply acknowledge that.

But process those feelings, take time, then try again and never give up.

[Anonymous]

I really relate to this and highly encourage you to seek out therapy. There are therapists who specialize in infertility issues who can really help you through this process and all the related emotions. Good quality clinics often have them in-house because it's so important to take care of your mental health on this journey. It's well worth the money and time.