How socialize shy toddler?

[Anonymous]

My youngest is scared of non-family members. I have older kids who are outgoing so have never dealt with this and am worried about him. He's on track for all milestones and the pediatrician said it's just stranger danger and not to compare children because they all have different traits—but he is extremely shy, to the point that people comment on it, and if there is anything I can do to help I want to do it. We take him to the playground and to events with people frequently. He'll play but just avoid the other people there and gets upset if a stranger tries to interact with him. Advice?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know but I have a niece who exhibited this at a young age and we always thought she’d just grow out of it but she never did. At a certain age it comes off as really rude. She is a senior in high school, has close friends but it’s honestly just hard to be around her or carry on a conversation if you’re not one of those few friends or her mom. Soft/social skills are really important basic life skills and I think it’s good you recognize it early and want to get him help.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of a child with selective mutism, which is a little different in that my child freezes up around people rather than getting visibly upset.

I have no expertise to say whether this is something that will get better on its own, but I think it is worth getting him evaluated (e.g Infants and Toddlers or Child Find in Maryland, not sure what the equivalents are elsewhere). They should assess social skills and whether those skills are present in all settings. The assessment/screening will be free and they may offer services to support. If nothing else it will give you more information. Moving forward you may find he needs private services but I think having the baseline assessment is a good place to start.

[Anonymous]

More exposure. Keep doing the playground visits and library story times, but he also may open up a bit more if every time he goes somewhere it’s not a new set of kids. How about a tumbling class or introductory soccer group or swim lessons where he will be with the same children each week?

This is what worked for my shy only child pandemic kid. She went from hiding in my lap at the library story time to playing games happily with the same five kids on her Tball team once she got to know a core set of kids and saw them regularly.

[Anonymous]

My DD is now 13 and still introverted and not interested in new people. She has a few really great friends but she's fine with a small circle. Things like camp by herself were out of the question, but we kept her involved in sports with friends, swim lessons, lots of playdates. I also taught her some basic social skills (look adults in the eye when you answer questions, how to introduce herself, how to always say "yes" when someone asks if they can play with you at school." Otherwise she would have come across as really rude. We struck a balance with good manners. That's all. She knows she has to have good manners and that's enough

[Anonymous]

My 2nd wasn't quite as extreme as you are describing, but my strategy was radical acceptance. I never tried to force him to interact with people he didn't want to interact with, and I never made him feel bad for not wanting to. If he wanted to stay glued to me during a party, I'd just let him! Way easier than my first who was a runner.

I also tried not to label him as "shy" and would just say: "he's happy hanging out with me right now" or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I have a niece who exhibited this at a young age and we always thought she’d just grow out of it but she never did. At a certain age it comes off as really rude. She is a senior in high school, has close friends but it’s honestly just hard to be around her or carry on a conversation if you’re not one of those few friends or her mom. Soft/social skills are really important basic life skills and I think it’s good you recognize it early and want to get him help.

This is why anecdata isn’t helpful. My sister was like this as a kid, so shy that her kindergarten teacher remarked to my mom at the end of the year that she had basically never heard my sister utter a full sentence. Fast forward to now, sister is super social, never had trouble making friends after around 2nd grade or so, is the opposite of socially awkward. She did have intense stranger anxiety as a toddler/preschooler and it just took her longer to grow out of it.

OP, just keep an eye on it and meet your kid where they’re at right now.

[Anonymous]

For social anxiety, if this is what is, it is important to prepare the child as much as possible. Let them know where you are going, who will be there, what will happen, and when you will leave. “We are going to library story hour after lunch. You will sit next to the other children in the circle and listen to a story. We will choose some books to take home and then leave. You will say hi and bye to the people we see.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I have a niece who exhibited this at a young age and we always thought she’d just grow out of it but she never did. At a certain age it comes off as really rude. She is a senior in high school, has close friends but it’s honestly just hard to be around her or carry on a conversation if you’re not one of those few friends or her mom. Soft/social skills are really important basic life skills and I think it’s good you recognize it early and want to get him help.

This is why anecdata isn’t helpful. My sister was like this as a kid, so shy that her kindergarten teacher remarked to my mom at the end of the year that she had basically never heard my sister utter a full sentence. Fast forward to now, sister is super social, never had trouble making friends after around 2nd grade or so, is the opposite of socially awkward. She did have intense stranger anxiety as a toddler/preschooler and it just took her longer to grow out of it.

OP, just keep an eye on it and meet your kid where they’re at right now.

So since your anecdata says the child will grow out of it, that means OP should "just keep an eye on it and meet your kid where they're at right now"?

[Anonymous]

Preschool in the Fall.
Something like a T/Th from 9-12.

[Anonymous]

How old is the child? Are they the same way when you are not around? I agree with the PP that suggested preschool if they don’t already go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know but I have a niece who exhibited this at a young age and we always thought she’d just grow out of it but she never did. At a certain age it comes off as really rude. She is a senior in high school, has close friends but it’s honestly just hard to be around her or carry on a conversation if you’re not one of those few friends or her mom. Soft/social skills are really important basic life skills and I think it’s good you recognize it early and want to get him help.

This is why anecdata isn’t helpful. My sister was like this as a kid, so shy that her kindergarten teacher remarked to my mom at the end of the year that she had basically never heard my sister utter a full sentence. Fast forward to now, sister is super social, never had trouble making friends after around 2nd grade or so, is the opposite of socially awkward. She did have intense stranger anxiety as a toddler/preschooler and it just took her longer to grow out of it.

OP, just keep an eye on it and meet your kid where they’re at right now.

So since your anecdata says the child will grow out of it, that means OP should "just keep an eye on it and meet your kid where they're at right now"?

No, I just mean she shouldn’t jump to conclusions about how her kid is doomed to be awkward, because it could go either way. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Expose your child to other people. Classes, camps, socialize at the park, preschool. Model yourself saying hello to neighbors etc.. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

Is he in pre-school?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I have this exact same problem with my 2.5 year old DD. Since she was a Covid baby, she didn't have a ton of socialization for the first year or so of her life, though she has been in daycare since then. She's fine once she feels comfortable around people, though she is very slow to warm up to people. I hope it's a phase that she'll just grow out of, but worry what happens if she doesn't.....