anyone else feel like going for #3 = pushing your luck?

[Anonymous]

We have been very lucky and have 2 healthy kids (ages 4 & 2). We would really like a 3rd child, but I can't get rid of this nagging feeling that going for #3 would be somehow pushing our luck and that there is no way we'd be lucky enough to get yet another healthy child. We have close friends and a family member with special needs kids, which I'm sure is coloring my perception of the odds. I am 38. Anyone else share this sense that they should quit while they're ahead? If yes, did you proceed despite your nervousness? Needless to say, we would love any child, special needs or no, but it's much more difficult to think of weathering the emotional and financial burdens of a SN child when we already have 2 kids to take care of.

[Anonymous]

This is a really interesting post to me. I am actually pregnant with #4 (we have a singleton and twins). The pregnancy itself was a complete shock and not planned, but never the less welcomed. I am getting close to my due date and have an overwhelming fear, that something will be wrong with this child or something will happen during the birth process. Our three children are healthy and both my deliveries could not have gone better but like you, I feel I have pushed my luck. I can't explain it but nice to know someone else is thinking along these lines. I, myself am from a big family and from a country where bigger families are more the norm so I try and keep this in the forefront of my mind. I personally think you will only live to regret the child you wanted to have and did not go for and not the other way around. But at the same time, like you our lives are hectic and expensive enough as it is and the thoughts of a SN child does frighten me. No offence intended to anyone, just a rational fear really. Best of luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for responding. It really helps to hear that you have had similar fears, because it makes me realize that my fears are indeed irrational. What I mean is that I am confident that your fears are misplaced, which helps remind me that mine are, in all likelihood, misplaced, too. And I actually come from a large family myself with no SN kids, yet another indicator that it is possible--indeed highly probable--to have a large and healthy family.

When I was searching to see whether anyone had posted similar fears in the past I did find some. I guess all of us worry disproportionately when we're pregnant or considering becoming pregnant. It helps to remember this.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery!

[Anonymous]

OP, I had similar fears about going for #3, but really, the odds are very high that you would have another perfectly healthy, non-SN child.

We now have 3 perfect, beautiful children (born before I was 35) and at 39, I am 15 wks pg with #4. Talk about pushing your luck! Our youngest is 5.5 and from the outside, I'm sure our family looks complete. But for me, although our home is busy and joyful and I know I am so blessed to have my 3 kids, it still feels like someone is missing (though now s/he is finally on the way!). I absentmindedly set 6 places at the dinner table every now and then, or I'll think I need 6 of something, then realize there are only 5 of us. I just know we are supposed to be a family of 6.

I really did think long and hard about the implications for my other 3 children if we were to have a child with a disability or special needs and what that would mean for our family. Ultimately we decided we really wanted another child and another sibling for our kids, and we felt we were very likely to have another non-SN child. The risk of that not being the case was not enough to deter us from trying to complete our family.

So far, thankfully, everything looks normal & healthy with this baby. That doesn't mean I don't worry. I do. It's really hard not to sometimes. But again, I just keep telling myself that the odds are still very much in favor of another happy, healthy baby. While we opted not to do invasive testing, we had great 1st trimester screening results and the pregnancy has been textbook so far, so I take as much comfort as I can in that.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way all the time. We have been trying for number three for two years. At some point you would think I would give up and say it is not meant to be. But I can not let go of the desire for a third. So we keep pushing forward. But if it does not happen, I will always feel blessed that I have two wonderful healthy children.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way too. We are not actually trying for #3 and DH would probably divorce me if I got PG again, but every month there is a little part of me that kind of hopes for an oops.

But, I also get scared about how I would handle it if there was a problem. With the first two we did not do amnio even though I was close too/over 40 b/c we would have kept the baby no matter what. But, now that I have two kids to take care of, I don't think I could add a downs child child to my life without a lot of disruption for my children. It is probably the main thing that keeps me from trying for #3.

[Anonymous]

DH here, I totally felt this way about #3. He's six months old now and there were no problems of any sort.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way about trying for #2!! We feel like we lucked out with DD because she is a joy, and think that we can't possibly be that lucky a second time around.

[Anonymous]

I did feel that way when I was pregnant with #3. The pregnancy itself was a surprise, but then the nervousness set in.

The reality, though, is that he's now 7 and a happy, healthy child and a tremendous joy in our lives. Really, the odds are in your favor.

[Anonymous]

I feel this way about trying for #2!! We feel like we lucked out with DD because she is a joy, and think that we can't possibly be that lucky a second time around.

This made me laugh because you just never know!

Our #2 was a surprise, and before he was born I felt the same way. But when he arrived, I realized that my DD (#1), who I thought was such a dream, was in fact a really tough baby - she never slept, never ate, took an hour to rock her to sleep each night, up at 5am like clockwork, and generally was super high-maintenance. It didn't bother me b/c she was my only one, and I was head over heels in love with her and loved every minute of being with her, even at 5am.

But when my DS came along, I learned what an "easy" baby is. He slept & ate like a champ, and when he was awake, if I couldn't get to him right away, he waited patiently, pleasantly babbling and looking around. He hardly ever cried. Some of it is being a more experienced/more laid back parent with #2, but my 2nd was just a MUCH better baby, hands down, than my DD. You never know what you'll get with #2.

We have 3 kids + one on the way, and I'm praying for another baby just like my #2.

[Anonymous]

11:45 - 15:41 here. Now you made me laugh because in describing your #1, you described mine perfectly. We think DD is a joy and that she has a wonderful, sweet disposition. However, she was -- by most standards -- a difficult baby. Bad sleeper, bad eater. Wanted to be held constantly, woke up every 2 hours (4x/night) for her first YEAR. Woke up two to three times/night in her second year. Still, like you, we were head over heels in love with her, and didn't mind.

[Anonymous]

OP, I could have written this exact post. I do worry and feel extremely blessed with our existing family and almost greedy to hope for another healthy child. That being said, it will not stop me from TTC our third when we are ready, nor will it make me love that child SN or typical any less. Good luck