Words of encouragement and wisdom for student athlete

[Anonymous]

DS has always been a pretty confident and athletic kid and has never let his small stature keep him from playing a variety of sports. Then he entered high school….

He made the JV team for his competitive sport as a freshman but he has come home a few times now crying and talking about how he’s the shortest kid on the team and how he wished he would hit his growth spurt. We try to encourage him by pointing out that he beat out a bunch of other kids (many of whom are bigger) DESPITE being the smallest. We also remind him that he comes from a long line of late bloomers who have gone on to play sports in college, including D1 basketball and baseball. We’re not trying to give him false hope but trying to help him understand he will catch up to many of his peers and will likely even surpass some of them. But it’s really difficult trying to get a 14 year old see the long view.

What words of wisdom or encouragement have you imparted on your student athlete to keep them motivated to continue to stick with the sports that they love even if they are not getting the playing time they had hoped for?

[Anonymous]

Following.
--parent of an average height (but shorter than everyone else) and slender basketball player

[Anonymous]

My kid's blues came from a different source - he isn't progressing like he wants to despite hard work, and was feeling seriously down about it (also school is hard). I was desperate to cheer him up, and I got him one of those personalized pep talks from his sports hero. I'm sure there are other services, but we used Cameo.

OMG. Kid watched his hero saying "Hey Larlo, I hear you are having a hard time. I had a hard time too..." It was about a minute and a half long, and at the end my kid just looked up at me and went "Mom, HOW? HOW is he giving me a pep talk?" My enormous man child cried. And he has felt so much better since. Truly. I wouldn't have thought a purchased pep talk could matter, but it did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's blues came from a different source - he isn't progressing like he wants to despite hard work, and was feeling seriously down about it (also school is hard). I was desperate to cheer him up, and I got him one of those personalized pep talks from his sports hero. I'm sure there are other services, but we used Cameo.

OMG. Kid watched his hero saying "Hey Larlo, I hear you are having a hard time. I had a hard time too..." It was about a minute and a half long, and at the end my kid just looked up at me and went "Mom, HOW? HOW is he giving me a pep talk?" My enormous man child cried. And he has felt so much better since. Truly. I wouldn't have thought a purchased pep talk could matter, but it did.

Did not know about this service, thanks for sharing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's blues came from a different source - he isn't progressing like he wants to despite hard work, and was feeling seriously down about it (also school is hard). I was desperate to cheer him up, and I got him one of those personalized pep talks from his sports hero. I'm sure there are other services, but we used Cameo.

OMG. Kid watched his hero saying "Hey Larlo, I hear you are having a hard time. I had a hard time too..." It was about a minute and a half long, and at the end my kid just looked up at me and went "Mom, HOW? HOW is he giving me a pep talk?" My enormous man child cried. And he has felt so much better since. Truly. I wouldn't have thought a purchased pep talk could matter, but it did.

Mom of the year!

*running to see if Muggsy Bogues is on Cameo*

[Anonymous]

Just want to say I hear you. My 13 year old has not grown, and he just gets thrown around on the soccer field. He is growing increasingly frustrated and losing interest in the sport.

[Anonymous]

There was recent thread with some encouraging stories (just ignore some of the bickering toward the end).

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1106890.page

I posted this story about my undersized son.

OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

Good luck to your son!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was recent thread with some encouraging stories (just ignore some of the bickering toward the end).

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1106890.page

I posted this story about my undersized son.

OP, I also understand how you feel. One of my boys is a great athlete and loved sports from a young age. He is also barely on the growth charts. Before most boys hit puberty, his natural athleticism, hard work, and competitive mindset kept him competitive in multiple sports. However, starting in sixth grade, things went downhill. Because he loves sports so much, these years were brutal. He lost his confidence and became depressed, which impacted all areas of his life. I remember one day in middle school, he was playing basketball and could not get a shot off that wasn't blocked. After the game, he got in the car, curled up in a ball, and sobbed for about 30 minutes, repeating, "I just can't anymore." It was heartbreaking. He quit basketball shortly after that.

He also plays soccer, which had its ups and downs. After his freshman high school season, he wanted to be done with club soccer because he felt like his hard work wasn't getting him anywhere with his current club, where he was getting little playing time. He told his coach why he was leaving and found another, much less competitive team where he could play the entire game. The team was terrible, but at least he was playing.

Before I talk about his size, I should mention that DS goes to a small private high school, so he had more opportunities to play than he might have at a larger school. Still, despite his extremely small size and late puberty, he is a good player. He was good enough to make the varsity team his freshman year and to earn significant playing time off the bench. Unlike some of the stories about NBA athletes or how their 5'4 inch son is now a six-footer playing a D1 sport, my son's story is probably a more realistic inspiration. When I say he was small when he started high school, I'm talking small. As a freshman, my son was 4'9 and around 80 pounds. He hit so many roadblocks in multiple sports during the middle school years through freshman year that he was ready to give up sports altogether. He did try an individual sport for a few year, but he was late to start and didn't excel.

Fast forward to junior and senior years of high school - after quitting high-level club soccer and playing on a middling team, my son grew and finally started to hit puberty. He was a starter on his high school team junior year, playing every minute of every game. His senior year, he hit what is probably his full height (only about 5'6) and he still weighs 120 pounds. However, he has gotten strong enough now that his exceptional skill yields greater results on the field. He was a captain and was selected as the team MVP. Once he started feeling more powerful as he grew into his adult body, he became a more effective and confident player. A tiny player with a huge heart giving maximum effort might not always be recognized by awards, but he can boost his teammates and earn respect from coaches, teammates, and opponents, even with limited playing time. Over the years, I've watched the best and often biggest players on opposing teams (and coaches) come over to talk to my son and compliment his play. He learned to play bigger than his body, but it was a struggle. He had so many reasons to give up, starting with coaches who never gave him a chance, despite his good work ethic. With his personality, I think that keeping him in his old club team would have provided better training but would have led to him quitting the sport entirely.

Good luck to your son!

OP here. Your son's story brought tears to my eyes as we can relate to so much of this. Kudos to your son for sticking with what he loves and adjusting expectations to stay motivated. DS was feeling pretty deflated after his freshman basketball season where he didn't get much playing time. Now he feels like it's happening again on his JV baseball team. I get it's hard going from being the star of your travel team to sitting on the bench. We try to point out that he's competing against older kids (he's also on the young side for his grade) and kids who were also starters on their travel teams. And the fact that he was to work twice as hard to make up for his size will pay off big time when/if he does grow. I will definitely share your son's story with DS. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Being short now leads to being a better player. He can't rely on his size; he needs to develop skills (my kid plays basketball, so I would be talking about ball handling skills). He will still have those skills when he reaches his full growth potential, only he'll be bigger. Plus I've always heard that kids who have growth spurts later end up being taller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being short now leads to being a better player. He can't rely on his size; he needs to develop skills (my kid plays basketball, so I would be talking about ball handling skills). He will still have those skills when he reaches his full growth potential, only he'll be bigger. Plus I've always heard that kids who have growth spurts later end up being taller.

He does have very good ball handling skills and his coach (AAU, not HS) has said he has excellent "court vision". None of these things seem to matter though once the self doubt starts creeping into his head. Sometimes I hate what youth sports is doing to our kids but if I even hint at him taking a break he looks at me like I'm crazy. I'm guessing I just have to mentally prepare myself for at least a couple of rough years.

[Anonymous]

It probably doesn’t help, but your DS should just be aware that the grass is always greener. My kid is tall but was painfully skinny until junior year. Coaches harped on it ALL THE TIME. So, my kid ate constantly and lived in the weight room. I think he was nauseous from forcing himself to eat every day his freshman and sophomore year, and he developed a deep hatred of lifting. It significantly reduced his enjoyment of the sport, and it made me sad because when he was younger we used to enjoy working out together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It probably doesn’t help, but your DS should just be aware that the grass is always greener. My kid is tall but was painfully skinny until junior year. Coaches harped on it ALL THE TIME. So, my kid ate constantly and lived in the weight room. I think he was nauseous from forcing himself to eat every day his freshman and sophomore year, and he developed a deep hatred of lifting. It significantly reduced his enjoyment of the sport, and it made me sad because when he was younger we used to enjoy working out together.

I feel you. DS' coach has made comments about his height as if DS has any control over it. Shocked that coaches don't get more training on proper way to encourage and motivate their players and what not to say. smh

[Anonymous]

You can use my kid as an example- he is tall, but definitely doesn't have the skill level of others. He likely won't make the high school team despite his height. He'd trade some height for some talent

Good luck to your son! I hope he hangs in there; he must be a good multi-sport athlete to have made two teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably doesn’t help, but your DS should just be aware that the grass is always greener. My kid is tall but was painfully skinny until junior year. Coaches harped on it ALL THE TIME. So, my kid ate constantly and lived in the weight room. I think he was nauseous from forcing himself to eat every day his freshman and sophomore year, and he developed a deep hatred of lifting. It significantly reduced his enjoyment of the sport, and it made me sad because when he was younger we used to enjoy working out together.

I feel you. DS' coach has made comments about his height as if DS has any control over it. Shocked that coaches don't get more training on proper way to encourage and motivate their players and what not to say. smh

We had coaches talking about my sons small size at 11, 12, 13. It’s really damaging. We are late growers. I wanted to nut punch a few of these coaches. It’s out if they’re control.

Fwiw, his brother was 5’2” start of Freshmen year and is a 6’2” senior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can use my kid as an example- he is tall, but definitely doesn't have the skill level of others. He likely won't make the high school team despite his height. He'd trade some height for some talent

Good luck to your son! I hope he hangs in there; he must be a good multi-sport athlete to have made two teams.

Thank you! Right now, he's feeling like he's just good enough to make the teams but not good enough to contribute. I know it'll get better but try telling that to a 14 year old. sigh...