Really dislike gift - how to handle

[Anonymous]

Mother is a terrible gift giver: buys cheap stuff with no thought. She gave me a backpack-style diaper bag (which I did not ask for and do not need) and I really dislike it. Unfortunately, she is also a person that keeps tabs on things she gives me and I know she’ll be curious if I don’t wear/use the diaper bag when I see her. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

You say thanks for the gift mom. Eventually she will stop giving crappy gifts if she realizes you won’t use the stuff she gives you.

[Anonymous]

You can say "I already bought a diaper bag, do you want this one back or can you return it?"

[Anonymous]

You say "thanks for the bag, mom! what a kind gesture!"

And then you donate it to a clothing drive at work (or so you tell her), because the people it was benefiting needed it more than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can say "I already bought a diaper bag, do you want this one back or can you return it?"

Yes, better be direct otherwise you're in for decades of resentment. I started early as a teen and my parents always run gifts by me before buying, or get me a gift card. I am very picky. Not proud of it, but at least I communicated early about it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her ‘Thanks, but not my style, did you keep the receipt?, we can exchange for something more me’

[Anonymous]

Thanks mom, that’s a thoughtful gift. But this bag doesn’t suit me and I honestly don’t like the style/functionality. Can we exchange it/get it a refund? Otherwise, I’ll donate it.

[Anonymous]

If she can't return it, I would fill it with diaper change items, give it back, and say it can be the grandma diaper kit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say "I already bought a diaper bag, do you want this one back or can you return it?"

Yes, better be direct otherwise you're in for decades of resentment. I started early as a teen and my parents always run gifts by me before buying, or get me a gift card. I am very picky. Not proud of it, but at least I communicated early about it.

This. I spent too many years saying "thank you" to family members like this and even writing a thank you note, only to be tormented, guilt tripped and bothered over why I don't use the gift enough. Then I started being polite, but honest. People who keep tabs on gifts do not like that. The key is you need to stop playing into the dance.

My mother would also call me to complain that after making her neighbor do all sorts of favors while she was out of town she gave the neighbor yet another gift the neighbor didn't appreciate. You know how she knows the neighbor didn't like it? Thank you was not enough. Mom drove her nuts to hear how much she loves it and each time the neighbor finally broke down and said she returned it. I explained to my mom once you give a gift, you need to let it go and stop asking about your gift.

[Anonymous]

You could just say “thanks mom I really appreciate it”. Then when she asks you why you don’t use it just say “to be honest it’s not really my style but I appreciate you.” Just let the pieces fall. Be honest.

[Anonymous]

Or you could say “Please out some thought into the gifts you give or do t give them”

[Anonymous]

If she asks where it is you just say “I decided to use this one today. I really appreciate the gift.” If she continues to push you say “mom I’ve thanked you for the gift and I genuinely appreciate you thinking of me. That you’re continuing to ask me about is making me uncomfortable. If you need to know what happens to your gifts, we should consider not exchanging them in the future.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can say "I already bought a diaper bag, do you want this one back or can you return it?"

Yes, better be direct otherwise you're in for decades of resentment. I started early as a teen and my parents always run gifts by me before buying, or get me a gift card. I am very picky. Not proud of it, but at least I communicated early about it.

Not really. You’re only resentful (or rude) if you choose to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she can't return it, I would fill it with diaper change items, give it back, and say it can be the grandma diaper kit.

Great idea and no hurt feelings. Do the same we with everything she gives you that you don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could just say “thanks mom I really appreciate it”. Then when she asks you why you don’t use it just say “to be honest it’s not really my style but I appreciate you.” Just let the pieces fall. Be honest.

Love this.