When to say something? When to stay quiet?

[Anonymous]

MIL moved in with us last summer after living alone through Covid and a pretty secluded life. She had been in the high altitude and suffering from lung issues that we thought could be helped somewhat by a lower elevation and better access to medical care. She at one point was diagnosed with emphysema but then told us that a doctor here told her all elderly individuals get some form of emphysema and she really just has COPD. She has always attended doctors appointments by herself and while open about what her doctors say, seems to be missing information. I think not because she does not want to tell us, but because she doesn't think to ask. She does not have money and has the high deductible plan with Medicaid and no supplemental insurance, so I worry about the quality of care she receives and which doctors she choose.

Since she moved in 7 months ago, she has been frequently sick. I would say at least a dozen separate illnesses, where she is sick and then feels better. We do have two young children and I assumed she has no immune system from illness from being secluded. Most recently she has a had a really bad cough for over two weeks. She went to a doctors appointment where they told her she probably had a cold that turned into something bacterial and gave her a Z-pack and inhaler. She missed her regularly scheduled pulmonologist appointment because she was not feeling well. She currently can't do much without sitting down to catch her breath and can walk for about 5 minutes before sitting down like she is seriously exerted.

Her cough is getting better but I want to ask her if she thinks it could be the COPD or emphysema, or maybe something else going on that has weaken her immune system. Is this just normal for people in their late 70s? I have a lot of older aunts and uncles, but they have all luckily stayed in pretty good health. Part of me feels like my husband should try to attend doctor appt to get more information while a larger part just says to wait until she asks. I just feel bad thinking she could have a better quality of life if she had access to better health care and a better ability to advocate for her needs.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean Medicare Advantage high deductible plan - I don’t think Medicaid has a high deductible plan.

[Anonymous]

?? If she’s coughing with COPD she needs to be on daily antibiotics for at least an 18 month course. Illnesses are expected to hit pretty hard, and I’d encourage her to wear a mask at home when you or your kids are sick (or see if the kids will mask up too…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean Medicare Advantage high deductible plan - I don’t think Medicaid has a high deductible plan.

Yes Medicare.

[Anonymous]

Medicare Advantage plans are pretty sketchy and I would not be at all surprised if she is getting less than adequate health care on that type of insurance. One of the best things you could do to help her is try to get her on original Medicare with a supplemental plan. If she is truly low income she may qualify for Medicaid as her secondary insurance.

Part C Advantage plans are typically marketed to gullible, less than savvy seniors, with bells and whistles that sound good but ultimately the insurance is not as good as original medicare. I know of one person who was excited to get a card to use at the drug store to buy OTC stuff every month until he actually got sick and needed care and labs and tests etc. and ended up owing over $8000 that year that the insurance didn't cover.

[Anonymous]

Second looking into Medicaid.

When my kids were small, my parents would get sick EVERY SINGLE TIME they came to visit. It sounds like this might be your culprit. If your kids go to daycare or preschool, they are bringing home a lot of germs. I hope it gets easier for your household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second looking into Medicaid.

When my kids were small, my parents would get sick EVERY SINGLE TIME they came to visit. It sounds like this might be your culprit. If your kids go to daycare or preschool, they are bringing home a lot of germs. I hope it gets easier for your household.

Why are you on DCUM? You are WAY too nice

This. My young 40s friend went back to teaching and was constantly sick at first. It just is what it is in this regard.

[Anonymous]

First, make sure she signs you and spouse up on her HIPPA Authorization form for every doctor she has.

I would start going to some appointments with her. When FIL was living with us, I went to a few appointments with him just to make sure the information he was telling us was the full story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:?? If she’s coughing with COPD she needs to be on daily antibiotics for at least an 18 month course. Illnesses are expected to hit pretty hard, and I’d encourage her to wear a mask at home when you or your kids are sick (or see if the kids will mask up too…)

My dad has stage 4 COPD, the above is but true. OP, it sounds like your MIL has progressive COPD. My dad was like this, and a year later was on oxygen full-time. If you can, either you or your husband should attend pulmonologist appointments to understand what’s going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:?? If she’s coughing with COPD she needs to be on daily antibiotics for at least an 18 month course. Illnesses are expected to hit pretty hard, and I’d encourage her to wear a mask at home when you or your kids are sick (or see if the kids will mask up too…)

My dad has stage 4 COPD, the above is but true. OP, it sounds like your MIL has progressive COPD. My dad was like this, and a year later was on oxygen full-time. If you can, either you or your husband should attend pulmonologist appointments to understand what’s going on.

Was saying…the above is NOT true. Not standard procedure to do 18-month antibiotic course. That’s crazy.