Question about au pairs

[Anonymous]

We have been considering getting an au pair. While we love the idea of flexibility given that our kids are in school most of the day, we are really hesitant to have someone in our space 24/7. We know two families who have recently gotten au pairs and they tend to bring the au pairs everywhere with them, so I am curious what is normal. For example, we made plans to meet one family for dinner on a random weeknight and the au pair joined as well (she was off). Or, we went to a birthday party for another 4 year old in my son’s class and the au pair came with both the parents (the families are friends). Another couple told us every time they travel anywhere the au pair goes too (not because she is always working, they just invite her to join).

Is it common to always take your au pair out to meals even when they aren’t working? Do you always offer to bring them on trip even if you don’t need them to work?

I just want to make sure we understand what the expectations are.

[Anonymous]

It will depend on the Au pair’s personality and her / your expectations. If you don’t want to invite her to events like those above, you just need to screen for applicants who are independent. Be upfront about it. These are young women and many do expect to be invited to everything, and will feel hurt / resentment if you don’t. So just be clear in your interviews.

That said, you’ll absolutely need to include them for thanksgiving or Xmas, and they’ll expect to be included in family dinners, family birthdays, etc.

Including them in family vacations is up to you. That said, most will expect you to invite them, especially if you go somewhere good. If you don’t take them, you can expect a moody teenager brooding around your home for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Our au pairs are always welcome to join us. They're part of our family while they're here. But they're also 22-24 yo and don't want to hang out with middle aged parents and kids all the time. They join us occasionally but mostly do their own thing on weekends. They also join us more when they first arrive and less and less as the year goes on and they have a bigger social network.

Au pairs often get excited about kid birthday parties, which they view as an event and American culture, and want to attend. I started out assuming au pairs wouldn't want to come given that they're usually both boring and chaotic, but I was wrong. They're often very excited to attend.

[Anonymous]

Treat the au pair like you would if she was a orphaned niece who moved in with you to finish her education. Family who wants to be included, but a young person with her own interests too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pairs are always welcome to join us. They're part of our family while they're here. But they're also 22-24 yo and don't want to hang out with middle aged parents and kids all the time. They join us occasionally but mostly do their own thing on weekends. They also join us more when they first arrive and less and less as the year goes on and they have a bigger social network.

Au pairs often get excited about kid birthday parties, which they view as an event and American culture, and want to attend. I started out assuming au pairs wouldn't want to come given that they're usually both boring and chaotic, but I was wrong. They're often very excited to attend.

+1. If you can’t get comfortable with this mindset, the au pair thing is probably not right for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been considering getting an au pair. While we love the idea of flexibility given that our kids are in school most of the day, we are really hesitant to have someone in our space 24/7. We know two families who have recently gotten au pairs and they tend to bring the au pairs everywhere with them, so I am curious what is normal. For example, we made plans to meet one family for dinner on a random weeknight and the au pair joined as well (she was off). Or, we went to a birthday party for another 4 year old in my son’s class and the au pair came with both the parents (the families are friends). Another couple told us every time they travel anywhere the au pair goes too (not because she is always working, they just invite her to join).

Is it common to always take your au pair out to meals even when they aren’t working? Do you always offer to bring them on trip even if you don’t need them to work?

I just want to make sure we understand what the expectations are.

They are to be a part of your family. Not an inexpensive maid or babysitter. If you can't take a 19+ ager living with you an au pair is not going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our au pairs are always welcome to join us. They're part of our family while they're here. But they're also 22-24 yo and don't want to hang out with middle aged parents and kids all the time. They join us occasionally but mostly do their own thing on weekends. They also join us more when they first arrive and less and less as the year goes on and they have a bigger social network.

Au pairs often get excited about kid birthday parties, which they view as an event and American culture, and want to attend. I started out assuming au pairs wouldn't want to come given that they're usually both boring and chaotic, but I was wrong. They're often very excited to attend.

+1

This was very much our experience as well. We hosted au pairs for 9 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been considering getting an au pair. While we love the idea of flexibility given that our kids are in school most of the day, we are really hesitant to have someone in our space 24/7. We know two families who have recently gotten au pairs and they tend to bring the au pairs everywhere with them, so I am curious what is normal. For example, we made plans to meet one family for dinner on a random weeknight and the au pair joined as well (she was off). Or, we went to a birthday party for another 4 year old in my son’s class and the au pair came with both the parents (the families are friends). Another couple told us every time they travel anywhere the au pair goes too (not because she is always working, they just invite her to join).

Is it common to always take your au pair out to meals even when they aren’t working? Do you always offer to bring them on trip even if you don’t need them to work?

I just want to make sure we understand what the expectations are.

They are to be a part of your family. Not an inexpensive maid or babysitter. If you can't take a 19+ ager living with you an au pair is not going to work.

This is exactly how it is. They are part of your family while in your home.