At My Wit's End with Cooking
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Anonymous
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I don't know if this goes in health or diet or what, but it's basically me venting about cooking for my family. Hear me out, and give me comfort.
I (F 49) am obese, having gained a ton of weight during covid but also before. But during covid I veered into binge eating behaviors. I have a long history of yo-yo dieting so not surprising. I've had therapy and worked through a lot of it and am in a better place now, but still just deal with hunger cues that I can't really trust and have to watch out for trigger-y foods. I have GERD (reflux) which makes a lot of spicy foods, acidic foods, a lot of garlic or onion, etc, difficult. I am the primary cook. I have a tiny galley kitchen so getting people to help me or teaching other people to cook is challenging but I try and it's something I need to work on. My darling spouse is the primary dish-doer in the house. He prefers a keto/low carb lifestyle. He loves meat and bacon and salami. We both did keto about five years ago and both lost a ton of weight and were very healthy. I have found it very hard to maintain, but he tries. It's a way of eating that works for him. I kind of still love pasta. He LOVES spicy foods. He is probably overweight but not as bad as I am. (and I'm not just saying this, my BMI is like 38. I am very, very out of shape and wear a size 22/24 in clothes.) Teenager #1 is neurodivergent and has major documented sensory issues and anxiety around trying different foods. She does not like most vegetables but likes most meats. She does not like food that is "touching" so casseroles and dishes like that are off the table. She also is not a fan of cheese except on pizza. She sometimes surprises me with what she is willing to eat - for example raw oysters, sashimi, crab...generally if it's a plain meat she'll eat it. She is rather resistant about learning to cook, but willing to help with baking. Teenager #2 just has a sensitive palate, I think. She is very sensitive to spicy foods, but is more willing to try unfamiliar things. She loves cheese and is not as much of a fan of meat. Where Teen #1 will happily gnaw on a chicken leg, Teen #2 is kinda grossed out. She is more willing/interested to help with cooking. I. Do. Not. Know. What. To. Do. Anymore. I used to love to cook. But cooking for four people with completely different preferences and needs is slowly sapping my soul. Every single week I try to figure out what I am making for this motley crew and every week it's a struggle. My rotation these days is pasta (DH and I have veggies instead of pasta or sometimes tofu...I really despise most fake pasta), marinated chicken thighs with veg and rice (and sometimes extra cauliflower rice for the adults), pork/beef roast in the crockpot (but i have to cook the vegetables separately), salmon/rice/veggies (kids sometimes get tired of salmon quicker than other things), burgers (I don't like making these at home, though, because you can't buy just two buns and then I'm annoyed.) We get pizza pretty often because we can at least all get what we want. DH and I get cauliflower crust or gluten free crust. Tacos for example? Not worth it. DH and I will just end up making a taco bowl. Kids will skip all toppings. Kid #1 will just eat meat and tortilla. Kid #2 will just eat tortilla and cheese. I try to stick to a reasonable food budget because inflation but I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I am mostly venting. If you want to tell me that I should force my kids to take a bite just save yourself the keystrokes. We have been through ALL THAT and Teen #1 has had therapy, OT, and much more. This is where she's at and fighting over food doesn't help. She is aware that she is picky and she doesn't like this about herself. She has said to me "mom, if I could change this about myself I would." Anyway...I feel like I hate everything about food now and just can't even look in the pantry without feeling stressed. |
Anonymous
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((((Hugs)))) I am with you in spirit. I am more burned out on trying to find things that everyone likes. I used to love cooking too.
No words of wisdom, just solidarity |
Anonymous
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Each family member has to cook one night a week starting now. You cook two nights. Leftovers or takeout the other two.
You should try Ozempic/Wegovy. It's life-changing. I started at BMI 40 and am now not obese for the first time in my teenage/adult life. |
Anonymous
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Do you have room for a small freezer? At least then you could freeze food in small portions and defrost when needed.
Also flavor bombs might help. Choose a different protein each night, then top with a flavor bomb. I freeze them in ice cube trays and then defrost when needed. In the freezer right now, I have spicy ones, pesto, herb butters, chimichurri, thai curry (mild), etc. So, one night could be tilapia, which takes about 5 mins to panfry. DH gets spicy flavor bomb, you get pesto, and the DDs get to choose. Same with chicken, omelettes, pasta, etc. You can use lettuce leaves instead of burger buns, or just freeze buns that you don't use. For vegetables, I use a microwave steamer. |
Anonymous
| I am so sorry, this sounds exhausting. I definitely think you should have a few very easy go to alternate meals for the picky teens that they can make themselves. So if they don’t want the main meal, they can do tinned oysters and toast with baby carrots or a cheese sandwich for the other one. That kind of thing. |
Anonymous
| Costco ready made meals |
Anonymous
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I have only one teen, but aside from that I am in the same boat! My teen is also super skinny and trying to gain weight while DH and I are trying to lose. We feel terrible every time we make something and he eats just a few bites and then “isn’t hungry.”
We do lots of meals with a starch, vegetable, and protein cooked separately. So meatloaf with glazed carrots and mashed potatoes. Mix and match rice, bread, roasted potatoes for starches; roasted cauliflower, steamed broccoli, sautied green beans for veg; pan fried chicken breasts, pot roast, etc for protein. I actually think the tacos are a win in your scenario. Everyone got something to eat! Yay! And right there with you on the exhaustion. |
Anonymous
| All of us have different diets and preferences, we order premade meals to accommodate. Cook Unity is my favorite. |
Anonymous
| What has the fact that you’re obese have to do with anything? |
Anonymous
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You're not a short order cook. Tell them what is for dinner. If they don't like it they can make their own.
Another solution would be to sign up for a meal delivery service such as Home Chef where they give you choices. You can opt for 3 meals a week. Your family can decide which meals they like and perhaps one person can help you prepare their selection. You can also stock up on simple ingredients such as boneless chicken, salad fixings, and potatoes that can be prepared by anyone fast. They can eat this if they don't like what you're preparing that evening. |
Anonymous
Similar situation, we do a lot of meals like this, and I cycle through different kinds of proteins each night with us eating out/getting takeout one night. I think that a lot of us burned out on cooking over the past few years and never totally recovered. Kitchn had an article on the burned out cook during early COVID that I revisit every so often. I'm intrigued by PP's flavor bombs and how they use them. |
Anonymous
Because I need to be preparing and/or consuming food that is somewhat healthy at this point. Actively restricting calories in an effort to lose weight is challenging because in the past that led to binging behaviors, but I need to make some kind of effort towards healthier food choices for myself. Dealing with everyone’s needs has made it easier to be like “okay I’m just going to eat chicken nuggets that I’m making for the kids anyway.” |
Anonymous
| Also intrigued by flavor bombs—please share more |
Anonymous
OP here - this is what we do, except nobody including the teens really likes roasted potatoes (one of the reasons Hello Fresh was kind of a bust, lots of means that rely on roasted potatoes), it’s just that I’m SO FREAKING TIRED of it. I’ve been looking for new marinades lately but even those all seem the same. |
Anonymous
| Maybe one night a week could be your night off when everyone fends for themselves. Sandwich, cereal, something frozen, leftovers whatever they can come up with. |