16 yr old DS - Giving piano lessons.

[Anonymous]

DS has played piano since he was 6, he plays it really well but doesn’t participate in any competitions etc. Twice a month he volunteers to teach piano underprivileged ES kids and twice a month he plays for a retirement community. He treats it more of a hobby and loves the fact that he is using it for some good in the community.

DH is a highly successful engineer and he thinks DS would be better served playing in competitions and overall proving his excellence. I differ here and think that DS is doing well for what he considers a hobby, DH also thinks that proving to be top notch at it will be good for his college application, again I differ.

DS’s true passion is mathematics, this is something he enjoys. Community aspect helps as he is a sensitive kid. Who do you agree with DH or DS?

Thanks in advance for res

[Anonymous]

^ Op here, I mentioned that DH is an engineer because he can be nerdy, so just to provide context.

[Anonymous]

Ds. Community service is way more impressive than another concert pianist.

[Anonymous]

Not only is his volunteering much more impressive than just being another concert pianist, but doing the competitions is one of the most effective ways to kill his love of music and his self-confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds. Community service is way more impressive than another concert pianist.

+1 he's doing something he loves for the joy of it and giving back to his community. Leave him alone, he sounds great.

And he should look at St Olaf for college -- great place for both math and music.

[Anonymous]

DS because it’s his life! Pick your battles, this is a ridiculous one!

[Anonymous]

Your DH is wrong. Unless your son is applying to conservatory/music programs, volunteering and tutoring look much better on his application than competitions, especially if he is only starting them now, at 16.

[Anonymous]

I NEED A PIANO TEACHER! if DS wants a paying job, and you live near Potomac, lemme know................

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is wrong. Unless your son is applying to conservatory/music programs, volunteering and tutoring look much better on his application than competitions, especially if he is only starting them now, at 16.

What might help is if your DS participated in some kind of math club or competition. But don't tell your DH that if your DS wouldn't want to do it. DH sounds pushy and a little rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds. Community service is way more impressive than another concert pianist.

+1 he's doing something he loves for the joy of it and giving back to his community. Leave him alone, he sounds great.
.

+1 - I promise you, ulitmately, college admissions are unpredictable. You can craft and shape your child into a person who you think should get into X school - and end up grossly, not just marginally, disappointed. The best advice I can offer as the parent of a Sr is - allow your child to be who they are and do what makes them happy.

[Anonymous]

I'll be in your shoes in a few years, OP, with my violinist child. If your son wants the slimmest chance at an Ivy, he needs BOTH competition wins AND community service. If he wants to be a shoe-in for a second-tier school, he needs both as well. Is he doing math competitions as well?

I know it's tragic to focus so much on how it looks for college apps, but I've got a high school senior who just went through the college admissions wringer and the stakes are high. My violinist kid does one competition a year. Her latest one landed her at Carnegie Hall. She would like to tutor kids one day, when she's older. I encourage her in all of these things because violin has built up her self-confidence and mental stamina in a wonderful way... but it's also good for college applications.

Good luck. Learning to time manage all these activities is also quite tricky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be in your shoes in a few years, OP, with my violinist child. If your son wants the slimmest chance at an Ivy, he needs BOTH competition wins AND community service. If he wants to be a shoe-in for a second-tier school, he needs both as well. Is he doing math competitions as well?

I know it's tragic to focus so much on how it looks for college apps, but I've got a high school senior who just went through the college admissions wringer and the stakes are high. My violinist kid does one competition a year. Her latest one landed her at Carnegie Hall. She would like to tutor kids one day, when she's older. I encourage her in all of these things because violin has built up her self-confidence and mental stamina in a wonderful way... but it's also good for college applications.

Good luck. Learning to time manage all these activities is also quite tricky.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your daughter’s experience. DS does participate in a lot of math competitions, those are his true calling. This is something he does for his soul and I have decided to support him fully and not view everything through the lens of college admissions ( although you make valid points).

DS has said that plans to focus on 2-3 things and rather be very good at those than doing 5-6 activities. Maybe there are kids out there who can do everything but he is better served by balancing heart and brain.

As for college, like every other kid, he will do his best and then let the chips fall wherever they may. Good luck to your DD as well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be in your shoes in a few years, OP, with my violinist child. If your son wants the slimmest chance at an Ivy, he needs BOTH competition wins AND community service. If he wants to be a shoe-in for a second-tier school, he needs both as well. Is he doing math competitions as well?

I know it's tragic to focus so much on how it looks for college apps, but I've got a high school senior who just went through the college admissions wringer and the stakes are high. My violinist kid does one competition a year. Her latest one landed her at Carnegie Hall. She would like to tutor kids one day, when she's older. I encourage her in all of these things because violin has built up her self-confidence and mental stamina in a wonderful way... but it's also good for college applications.

Good luck. Learning to time manage all these activities is also quite tricky.

But when every kid starts following this script for a chance at the Ivies - then what? Because this secret sauce isn't so secret.

[Anonymous]

I’m no expert on college admissions and my opinions tend to run contrary to prevailing DCUM wisdom.

I think kids should (within reason) do what makes them happy and then find the right college for them, as opposed to striving for “the right college”.

If your son’s priority was getting into a competitive college, pursuing music competitively MIGHT improve his chances, but it seems to me, those colleges are so competitive that they a surplus of outstanding students and to a large extent, once you’re at a qualifying level, it basically comes down to chance.

I think a kid with a passion for mathematics will have many wonderful opportunities to choose from. The fact that he has a interest in music makes him well-rounded and the fact that he uses it to benefit his community also speaks highly of him. I think the schools that he will be happiest at, are those that will have similar priorities to his own. If a school’s priorities require him to do things (like competition) that he doesn’t want to do, the campus future will probably be geared around those types of activities as well.

I think it works best to view the college search as a matchmaking service than a competition. You want to find the best college for him. There are lots of wonderful colleges, most of which provide more opportunities than a given student can take advantage of. Instead of trying to change him to match an idealized profile for selective colleges, look for the colleges that are looking for students like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m no expert on college admissions and my opinions tend to run contrary to prevailing DCUM wisdom.

I think kids should (within reason) do what makes them happy and then find the right college for them, as opposed to striving for “the right college”.

If your son’s priority was getting into a competitive college, pursuing music competitively MIGHT improve his chances, but it seems to me, those colleges are so competitive that they a surplus of outstanding students and to a large extent, once you’re at a qualifying level, it basically comes down to chance.

I think a kid with a passion for mathematics will have many wonderful opportunities to choose from. The fact that he has a interest in music makes him well-rounded and the fact that he uses it to benefit his community also speaks highly of him. I think the schools that he will be happiest at, are those that will have similar priorities to his own. If a school’s priorities require him to do things (like competition) that he doesn’t want to do, the campus future will probably be geared around those types of activities as well.

I think it works best to view the college search as a matchmaking service than a competition. You want to find the best college for him. There are lots of wonderful colleges, most of which provide more opportunities than a given student can take advantage of. Instead of trying to change him to match an idealized profile for selective colleges, look for the colleges that are looking for students like him.

Op here. Thank you and well said!