How many siblings do you have, and how close are you? How happy would you rate your childhood?

[Anonymous]

Just a small non scientific dcum study. We hear a lot about the ideal number of kids for parents happiness, but what about for kids, as they become adults?

How many siblings do you have? What’s your birth order? How close are you? Would you want more or the same number of siblings, fewer siblings or more for kids as an adult? Or no kids?

I’ll start: I have three siblings. I’m the youngest. Very close with two of them. Very happy childhood. As a parent I think three kids would be nice, but I currently have two and not sure whether we’ll have a third (for various reasons I won’t get into.)

[Anonymous]

One, not close at all. She always treated me poorly.

[Anonymous]

0 siblings. Happy childhood in multiple countries following my father's job, but made challenging because of my mother's neurodegenerative disease and its consequences. Point is, lack of siblings was not the problem.

[Anonymous]

On my side I have three siblings, two brother in laws, one sister in law, 7 nieces and nephews. My mom is one of five and dad one of eight. Nearly all got married resulting in around almost 20 aunts and uncles and 40 first cousins.

That said I don’t talk to any of them other than funerals and weddings. Not even on-line. I barely talk to my own kids and wife.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of 5 kids (the 2nd youngest). Big, happy family, great childhood memories. My siblings are awesome and we’re all close today.

I only have two kids, wish I had 3, but two was the “smart” choice for various reasons. I try to recreate the big living family vibe with them by spending lots of time with their cousins even though we don’t live close.

[Anonymous]

1 sister, 17 months younger. Never got along as kids, chose to live on opposite sides of the country as adults. Zero interaction except every couple years when we both visit our parents at the same time.

That said, I had a very happy childhood. Stable family unit, grandparents within walking distance of home, close friends throughout school years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1 sister, 17 months younger. Never got along as kids, chose to live on opposite sides of the country as adults. Zero interaction except every couple years when we both visit our parents at the same time.

That said, I had a very happy childhood. Stable family unit, grandparents within walking distance of home, close friends throughout school years.

Oh, and we opted for 1 child. DH had nearly the identical experience with his 17 months younger brother, neither of us wanted that for our child.

[Anonymous]

1 younger sibling, very happy childhood. We moved a lot within the country and internationally for my dad’s job so we bonded very tightly as a family unit. I live across the globe from my sibling and parents but we have always remained close.

[Anonymous]

I'm the oldest of three sisters. We had a happy childhood and we are close as adults (emotionally close, though, sadly, not geographically close). I have two kids and would have loved to have had a third, but it wasn't in the cards for us. Our two are young adults (1 in college and 1 a recent grad) and they are close (again, emotionally, though, sadly, not geographically). BTW, DH is the middle of three brothers. They had a happy childhood and are close (and, again, emotionally, though, sadly, not geographically). Writing this makes me realize that living far away from sibs you love and get along with is better than living close to sibs you don't get along with.

[Anonymous]

One sibling, 2 years apart. Not close as kids or now. Sibling has some mental / emotional regulation issues that are very difficult for me to be around. I put up with a tense phone call once every couple of months, and one "pretend everything is great" meeting at our parent's house every couple of years. We mostly keep in touch through emails with the whole family about superficial stuff, I avoid 1:1 contact as much as possible. I dread having to work together on aging parent issues.

[Anonymous]

I have two, I’m the middle child. There is an 8 yr age gap between oldest and youngest child. I am close with older sib (likely because they’re same gender as I am) but not particularly close with younger sib. 9.5/10 rating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One sibling, 2 years apart. Not close as kids or now. Sibling has some mental / emotional regulation issues that are very difficult for me to be around. I put up with a tense phone call once every couple of months, and one "pretend everything is great" meeting at our parent's house every couple of years. We mostly keep in touch through emails with the whole family about superficial stuff, I avoid 1:1 contact as much as possible. I dread having to work together on aging parent issues.

Forgot to address the rest of question ... Sibling aside, I had a very happy childhood. Parents were (and are) great, except for having their heads in the sand on sibling's issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1 sister, 17 months younger. Never got along as kids, chose to live on opposite sides of the country as adults. Zero interaction except every couple years when we both visit our parents at the same time.

That said, I had a very happy childhood. Stable family unit, grandparents within walking distance of home, close friends throughout school years.

Oh, and we opted for 1 child. DH had nearly the identical experience with his 17 months younger brother, neither of us wanted that for our child.

I have an 18 months younger brother and feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 younger siblings with big age gaps (6 yrs younger and 12 years younger). We were not close growing up probably we are so far apart in age.

I am also the only bio child of my parents and my siblings are both adopted as infants (from separate families, closed adoptions). Both developed serious cognitive and mental issues starting in preschool/elementary school, so basically they took all of my parents' energy and resources (and still do today) and I was left to fend for myself. I have come to learn this is a common phenomenon for people in my situation. I do not blame my siblings for this.

However, my siblings and I are not close today either. Both continue to mooch off of my parents (which seems to be a frequent DCUM thread topic) and constantly ask me for money. They are abusive in the language they use towards me. I have had to put firm boundaries and once I said no more money the contact from them completely stopped. So I got my answer.

I wish things were different. I did everything I could to try to have a nice adult relationship with them. I have ALWAYS been kind and loving to them. But I'm in my 40s now, so I'm done being the doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On my side I have three siblings, two brother in laws, one sister in law, 7 nieces and nephews. My mom is one of five and dad one of eight. Nearly all got married resulting in around almost 20 aunts and uncles and 40 first cousins.

That said I don’t talk to any of them other than funerals and weddings. Not even on-line. I barely talk to my own kids and wife.

This all sounds like you are the problem.