Sudden decline- hospice or nursing home with VA employee insurance

[Anonymous]

My MIL has taken a sudden turn for the worse. My DH has been estranged from his parents for over 20 years as they were physically and emotionally abusive. We now live an 18 hour plane ride away from his family in US. He has 3 siblings who all live within 20 miles of his mother. They all have acknowledged the abuse but chose to remain in contact and one sibling and her family moved in with MIL about 5 years ago.

We got the message yesterday that MIL’s health has rather suddenly deteriorated and she is being given 6 months to live. She has been on dialysis for a while and has had a few hospitalizations due to light headed east etc. This latest news seems to have been a surprise to the family. Now they want to hire round the clock caregivers for her as the resident sister is tired of caregiving. Previously SIL has refused to consider having “outsiders” come in to provide care.

We are trying to figure out who can help figure out what the options are. MIL was a nurse at the VA hospital for 30 years, so we assume she has federal insurance and she is also old enough to be on Medicare/ Medicaid. Would the hospital social worker be able to talk through the options with the family? Is there a different department we should be trying to find? This is in Columbia SC area.

When my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, my mom moved in with my grandparents to help. She had Medicare and AARP supplemental insurance. Between those her medical treatment and also hospice care were covered. I moved in during the last 2 months to help too. We had daily nurse visits but no overnight help. Hospice brought in the medical equipment like the hospital bed and toilet chair etc. This was in the 90’s, so I am not sure if that sort of arrangement still happens.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her nephrologist concerning her prognosis. If dialysis is discontinued, death will happen sooner rather than later. If it doesn’t make sense to continue dialysis in her condition, you’ll probably want to consult hospice.

[Anonymous]

Private insurance and medicare don't pay for nursing home care. Long term Medicaid can pay depending on how much money she has. Hospice can come in but they don't provide 24/7 care. A few places do have a residential program but its usually for people with weeks to live, not months.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. We found out more and it looks like one SIL is disagreeing with the other SIL about care options. Dr wants MIL to go to rehab facility, one SIL wants to quit her job and have other siblings pay her to care for parent. Everyone else wants MIL to stay in hospital/ rehab and then hire agency to send aides.

DH is staying out of it.